Read This If You Need to Get Through to Your Wife When She's Leaving

If you are like most men, then when your wife told you that she wanted to leave, it left you with one feeling above all:

Fear.

And yeah, sure, maybe a little bit of anger to... But I'm willing to bet that if you really stop for a second - take a deep breath - to examine yourself (at your own risk!) that you would find that the root of all that anger you're feeling right now is actually...Fear.

Maybe it's fear of the unknown.

Maybe you're afraid of facing yourself.

Maybe you're scared of loss or rejection, or maybe even being alone for the rest of your life.

The fact is that it doesn't really matter what you're afraid of right now, as long as you recognize that fear is at least playing a small part in the way that you're thinking right now.

But guess what?

Fear Isn't Going to Stop You From Getting Your Wife Back It's not going to keep you from knowing how to talk to your wife to get her back, and it's not going to keep you from a happy marriage, much less a happy life.

So, take a deep breath, try to be objective about the situation you're in right now so that you can learn what to do and not let your emotions/fear incorrectly guide you. As you continue reading this article I'm going to talk to you about what to say to your wife when she says that she's leaving.

3 Tips for Talking to Your Wife When She Wants Separation

#1. You Have 2 Ears and Only 1 Mouth Many people hear me say this and mistakenly think that the only thing I'm trying to say is that listening is twice as important as speaking. While I do believe it is true, it also has a slightly deeper meaning.

The alternative meaning to this statement is that in every conversation there are two things you need to hear, and only one thing you need to say. You need to hear what your wife is saying and you need to hear it well enough that you understand it fully. Then, you need to respond politely and accordingly (this is the speaking). But then it goes further, because we all are guilty of miscommunication sometimes. So, it's also important that you hear what YOU are saying so that your communication is effective and you can really talk to your wife.

So yes, listening is twice as important as speaking, and you use your ears and understanding twice as much as you use your voice and your communication. Does that make sense?

#2. Stay Strong in Front of Your Wife This is something that very few men get right, because it is actually surprisingly difficult to do. This isn't saying that you can't have emotion in front of your wife, or that you can't express yourself emotionally in front of your wife, or even that you can't cry in front of your wife.

What it is saying is this:

You should never, ever, EVER beg your wife to stay with you.

While you shouldn't be emotionally cold, you should maintain your dignity. This is very important, and it is part of being a man/husband/leader.

#3. Always Keep Your Focus on the Real Goal Many men come to me and ask, "How do I get my wife back," or "How do I save my marriage," or even "How do I get my woman to love me again?"

These are all the wrong questions, because they're focusing on the wrong goals. Your goal right now is very, very simple:

You need your spouse to WANT to be with you again.

Think about that statement for a second... Really let it sink in. I'll say it one more time:

You NEED your wife to WANT you AGAIN.

There are three very important words in this statement...Need, want, again.

You NEED this because there is no other way to truly save your marriage, and conversely when your marriage is truly back on track your wife will want you.

You need your wife to WANT you because if your wife doesn't want you then she will not stay with you, plain and simple. No amount of marriage counseling, marriage help books, or 'figuring stuff out' is going to have any impact on whether she stays or goes.

Your wife will want you AGAIN because there has been a time in the past when your wife wanted you in this way, and you need to find out how to reawaken it.

Do you see?

This IS the way to rekindle passion in your marriage, and this is how you can end your wife's desire for separation:

Make Her Desire Something Else More...You!

Now, I know that you have a few questions left on exactly how to get your wife to WANT you. Don't worry, this is normal! Unfortunately, this article wasn't written as an encyclopedia on how to get your wife back, it's just 1 single article. So here's what I want to do for you...

Find Out Why She's Leaving - 9 Essential Traits of Good Husbands

Alternatively, if you would like more information on communication with your wife while your marriage is on the rocks, then I think I know what will help you. Check out this article I wrote about how to convince your wife not to leave.

Either way you decide to go from here, I would like to sincerely thank you for reading this article and I hope that everything works out.

With Much Manly Love,
- Jacob Elichmann

Original article

My Husband Claims He's Leaving Because Our Marriage Isn't Good For Me - Why Would He Do This?

I sometimes hear from wives whose husbands are distancing themselves or pulling away from the wife because of reasons that are hard to dispute. An example is a husband claiming that he is motivated by what is best for his wife. And often, he will claim that he, and the marriage, are not in the best interest of the wife. So, he'll say that he wants to leave her or end the marriage because this is what is best for her.

I heard from a woman who said: "my husband told me last week that he is considering leaving me. He said that I have given up too much to be with him. My husband has three kids from a previous marriage and they all moved in with me once we got together. My husband lost his job and now my house is up for foreclosure. One of the kids requires expensive speech therapy, which my insurance pays for. My husband's ex wife is always calling me and being nasty. So there's a lot of stress as a result of all of these things, but I knew that when I agreed to marry my husband. Before we met, I used to go hiking with friends on weekends. I ran marathons. I don't do these things much any more because I would rather spend the time with my new family. The other day, I made the mistake of mentioning that sometimes I missed being outside or running and that, if we ended up moving, I hoped the new place had trails for jogging. That's when my husband told me that he was considering leaving because he doesn't think that our marriage has been good for me. He says that I have given up too much for him and his kids and that it's just not right. He says I'm angry and stressed all of the time and that's not the kind of person I was when we met. I don't want to be the same person. I don't mind that my new family has changed me. My friends say that this is just an excuse. But why else would he be leaving me?"

Unfortunately, I didn't have definitive answers for this wife. There was no way for me to know if this husband was telling her the truth about the reasons that he wanted to leave. And, there were several possibilities here, which I'll discuss below.

Maybe He Just Wants Reassurances That You're Happy In Your Marriage: The first possibility was that the husband may have wanted for the wife to reassure him that in fact she was happy in the marriage, despite the stress in their lives. The husband likely felt guilty that his family's presence was causing her a lot of new stressors and problems. So, it was possible that he was just trying to get an honest reaction out of her and he was hoping that she would ask him not to leave and reassure him that she actually was happy in the marriage.

Some Husbands Will Use This Excuse To Spare The Wife's Feelings: Unfortunately, some men will use this whole "the marriage is not good for you" excuse to make their leaving seem commendable or selfless when it is anything but. Sometimes, it is the husband who is not happy but he doesn't want to hurt the wife by telling her that truth. So instead, he will try to make it look as if he really is looking out for her best invested when instead, he is looking out for his. Again, the way to determine if this was the case would be for the wife to say that she was happy in the marriage, but maybe she could request more free time to run so that she could help to manage her stress. A husband who wants to continue on with the marriage would be happy to comply with that, while a husband who really just wanted out and was making excuses would likely continue on with the whole "I'm not good enough for you" talk no matter what the wife said.

He May Truly Think He's Sacrificing His Own Happiness For Yours: Some men truly do love their wives enough to let her go if they think that being with him is causing her pain or holding her back. If this is the case, the key is showing him that you are much happier with him than you would be without him, no matter what he may think to the contrary.

A suggested script would be something like: "I am the person most qualified to determine if this marriage is good enough for me. And I know that it is. Admittedly, there is some stress in our lives, but I would much rather have that stress with you than to have a stress free life without you. We're a team. I will stand by you because I know that you would do the same for me. That's what people do when they love each other and are partners. It actually hurts me and causes more stress to hear you say these things. I'm touched that you care enough to put my well being before your own, but believe me, if I thought that the marriage wasn't good for me, I would tell you. And I don't feel that way at all. I'm perfectly content and I am the one who gets to decide what is good for me. And I decide that my marriage and my family is the best thing for me."

If this type of conversation doesn't begin to help, then you have to ask yourself if there are larger issues at play. If so, this doesn't necessarily mean that your marriage is over. But it can mean that you need to address issues that go beyond whether the marriage is good for you or not. But this script should help you to decipher what your husband is really saying so that you can know what to address first.

My husband tried to tell me that he was leaving because the marriage wasn't good for either of us.  But, at the end of the day, he just wasn't happy and there were many other issues.  Just reassuring my husband that I was happy didn't work because there were other issues that needed to be resolved.  It wasn't until I got serious about changing the dynamics of our marriage that I was able to save it.  If it helps, you can read about the entire process on my blog at  http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Original article