Can 'Love for God' Spoil a Marriage?

Marriages of all shapes, varieties, and forms sprinkle the societal landscape, including those set up from day one as forlorn, particularly from the aspect of hindsight. Many marriages are borne of a poor pedigree, notably within unequal yoking, and struggle from their inception. From tiresome early days such marriages may never reach maturity, whilst others that do can be impinged by a season where unequal yoking, again, becomes an issue.

Firstly, let's find a biblical reference point:

It is to peace that God has called you. Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
~1 Corinthians 7:15b-16 (NRSV)

In the Apostle Paul's harmonising treatise on marriage (all of 1 Corinthians 7) his intent is to make the best communal advantage of marriage. Marriage, as people choose, should be a blessing for those married. Likewise, marriage will be a distraction from the central focus of things holy, but this, as Paul mentions in verses 32-35, is every bit permissible. Paul is, here, building upon the premise that "all things are yours" (3:21), meaning that whether we find ourselves married or not we're free. If we're married, our marriages should receive our fullest commitment and focus.

That freedom, when we're married, is intended to extend to peace for both parties in the marriage, for the marriage takes precedence over devout things.

Using the Corinthian context, where they became overly pious, neglecting their marriages, we that find ourselves married cannot go back on that covenant to present ourselves to the Lord as wholly devoted to the exclusion of our marriages.

In the simplest possible terms, though God may be first priority, God's expectation of us as Christians is to make our love practical, first and foremost, within marriage; for, by our marriages we're otherwise known. By our marriages all of life is further connected. By our marriages we glorify God (or not).

A PRACTICAL CASE OF SPIRITUAL MISDIRECTION

Many believers have put God before their marriages and, in attending to their spiritual development, have neglected their partners. In such circumstances a love for God has outstripped and negated the covenant love that God has, initially and eternally, willed. The love that the believer's partner should receive is diverted to direct loving devotion for God; hence, the partner misses out. This cannot be God's will. Paul is best interpreted supporting devotedness to marriage over devoted piousness for married people in 1 Corinthians 7.

We can well imagine a polarising illustration. A believing wife is married to a non-believing husband, however unequal the yoking was initially or not. If the wife was to become zealous for God she might exasperate her husband who receives less love and recognition than ever. The wife is clearly to love her husband better, not worse. The opposite applies; the believing husband with his non-believing wife. The believer is to facilitate a positive perception of God, as far as that's possible, in their non-believing partner.

A GODLY IMAGE OF UNEQUAL YOKING MADE EQUAL

I recall a woman in her early 30s, a believer, with a non-believing husband. This woman and her two young children went to church and she was actively engaged in ministry. Her husband was, to say the least, negative about faith. No amount of her conniving and spiritual matchmaking would convert him. Evidence of these things would only anger him.

But, upon reaching a mature acceptance within herself, she decided to back off and simply focus on being the best wife a woman could be - to be as Christlike as possible. Now it doesn't always or even often occur, but a few years afterward this woman's husband began to gently explore his spirituality; from there attendance at church; and from there, baptism. The last I heard, he had become a deacon.

There are, without doubt, stories of the reverse; where believing husbands have 'led' their non-believing wives to the Lord.

These cases occur without browbeating; growth toward God occurs only in the absence of pressure.

***

The broadest lesson is that marriage comes before piousness. It does not glorify God for the believing partner to be a 'first-class Christian' but a second-class husband or wife. A married Christian's obedience must be visible in the marriage first and foremost. That, and not a misdirected devotion to God, is how God will be obeyed in marital context.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/

Original article

My Husband Claims He's Leaving Because Our Marriage Isn't Good For Me - Why Would He Do This?

I sometimes hear from wives whose husbands are distancing themselves or pulling away from the wife because of reasons that are hard to dispute. An example is a husband claiming that he is motivated by what is best for his wife. And often, he will claim that he, and the marriage, are not in the best interest of the wife. So, he'll say that he wants to leave her or end the marriage because this is what is best for her.

I heard from a woman who said: "my husband told me last week that he is considering leaving me. He said that I have given up too much to be with him. My husband has three kids from a previous marriage and they all moved in with me once we got together. My husband lost his job and now my house is up for foreclosure. One of the kids requires expensive speech therapy, which my insurance pays for. My husband's ex wife is always calling me and being nasty. So there's a lot of stress as a result of all of these things, but I knew that when I agreed to marry my husband. Before we met, I used to go hiking with friends on weekends. I ran marathons. I don't do these things much any more because I would rather spend the time with my new family. The other day, I made the mistake of mentioning that sometimes I missed being outside or running and that, if we ended up moving, I hoped the new place had trails for jogging. That's when my husband told me that he was considering leaving because he doesn't think that our marriage has been good for me. He says that I have given up too much for him and his kids and that it's just not right. He says I'm angry and stressed all of the time and that's not the kind of person I was when we met. I don't want to be the same person. I don't mind that my new family has changed me. My friends say that this is just an excuse. But why else would he be leaving me?"

Unfortunately, I didn't have definitive answers for this wife. There was no way for me to know if this husband was telling her the truth about the reasons that he wanted to leave. And, there were several possibilities here, which I'll discuss below.

Maybe He Just Wants Reassurances That You're Happy In Your Marriage: The first possibility was that the husband may have wanted for the wife to reassure him that in fact she was happy in the marriage, despite the stress in their lives. The husband likely felt guilty that his family's presence was causing her a lot of new stressors and problems. So, it was possible that he was just trying to get an honest reaction out of her and he was hoping that she would ask him not to leave and reassure him that she actually was happy in the marriage.

Some Husbands Will Use This Excuse To Spare The Wife's Feelings: Unfortunately, some men will use this whole "the marriage is not good for you" excuse to make their leaving seem commendable or selfless when it is anything but. Sometimes, it is the husband who is not happy but he doesn't want to hurt the wife by telling her that truth. So instead, he will try to make it look as if he really is looking out for her best invested when instead, he is looking out for his. Again, the way to determine if this was the case would be for the wife to say that she was happy in the marriage, but maybe she could request more free time to run so that she could help to manage her stress. A husband who wants to continue on with the marriage would be happy to comply with that, while a husband who really just wanted out and was making excuses would likely continue on with the whole "I'm not good enough for you" talk no matter what the wife said.

He May Truly Think He's Sacrificing His Own Happiness For Yours: Some men truly do love their wives enough to let her go if they think that being with him is causing her pain or holding her back. If this is the case, the key is showing him that you are much happier with him than you would be without him, no matter what he may think to the contrary.

A suggested script would be something like: "I am the person most qualified to determine if this marriage is good enough for me. And I know that it is. Admittedly, there is some stress in our lives, but I would much rather have that stress with you than to have a stress free life without you. We're a team. I will stand by you because I know that you would do the same for me. That's what people do when they love each other and are partners. It actually hurts me and causes more stress to hear you say these things. I'm touched that you care enough to put my well being before your own, but believe me, if I thought that the marriage wasn't good for me, I would tell you. And I don't feel that way at all. I'm perfectly content and I am the one who gets to decide what is good for me. And I decide that my marriage and my family is the best thing for me."

If this type of conversation doesn't begin to help, then you have to ask yourself if there are larger issues at play. If so, this doesn't necessarily mean that your marriage is over. But it can mean that you need to address issues that go beyond whether the marriage is good for you or not. But this script should help you to decipher what your husband is really saying so that you can know what to address first.

My husband tried to tell me that he was leaving because the marriage wasn't good for either of us.  But, at the end of the day, he just wasn't happy and there were many other issues.  Just reassuring my husband that I was happy didn't work because there were other issues that needed to be resolved.  It wasn't until I got serious about changing the dynamics of our marriage that I was able to save it.  If it helps, you can read about the entire process on my blog at  http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Original article

How Much Time Does It Take to Know a Man for Marriage?

As a women who is thinking of getting married you may be wondering if you have known your man long enough. Some women consider a certain number of months or years with a man as a way to judge his character and what he is really like. Other women tend to look at the life experiences they have shared with their man as a way to judge if they want to marry him. There are other factors a women must consider as well if she wants to increase the odds that she will find a man that will treat her with the respect and show her the love she deserves.

To a point the longer you are with a man before you marry him the better your chances of having a happy and healthy marriage. There are exceptions to this rule as there is to everything in life. There are women who have had a ten day whirlwind romance with a man and are still happily married forty years later. Other women have dated a man for three years and thought they knew him only to marry and go through a bitter divorce six months later. Still the longer you are with a man the more you will discover what he is really like and decide if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you think you have found this man and know he loves you but he is hesitant to make a total commitment to you do not despair or lose hope. There is a link at the end of this article to a free video that explains why a man may want to commit to you but can't and why he is probably just as confused as you as to the reasons for this. Learn how you can solve this problem.

Another way a woman can tell if she wants to marry a man is the life experiences, both good and bad that they share together. It's easy to get along when everything is going well but how does he react when things are falling apart? If you are having a rough time emotionally does he find little ways to make you feel better? When you are not feeling well is he understanding and willing to go out of his way to make you feel better? Couples will face stressful events during their marriage. Some of these events may include financial set backs, physical illness, problems with children and just the everyday challenges of living life. Make sure the man you want to spend the rest of you life with is up to the challenge of helping you create a life together. A life that is filled with love, happiness and respect for each other and those around you.

If you interested in learning what other ordinary women have to say on the subject of love, romance and marriage visit us at Captivate A Man Blog. A place where we ask questions, give advice and learn from and share with each other the many challenges facing women today.

What is holding back the man who loves you from committing his life to you? If you are confused about the mixed signals he is sending you and don't know how to respond watch this free video which explains the emotions that keep your man from totally committing to you even when he wants to.

Original article

Can a Marriage Damaged By Infidelity Be Saved?

Why did you cheat on your spouse? If either you or your spouse are asking this question, then the unthinkable has happened in your marriage. One partner has betrayed the other, and there is no longer any trust between you. If it was just a casual fling or a one-night-stand, was it really worth sacrificing your marriage for? What did your new partner have that your spouse didn't? Chances are that if you are the guilty party, you're asking yourself the same questions while watching the core of your life, your marriage, fall apart. If you were the wronged spouse, you will still be asking questions like this as well as wondering if it will ever be possible to repair the damage that has been done to your union.

There's no pat answer to this question, because the dynamics of each couple is unique to only them. Some are able to weather the storm and get on with their lives, while others either don't have the desire or energy it takes to try and fix what is broken. Is the cheating spouse truly sorry for his or her indiscretion, or will they make up only to break your heart again? If this is you, you may need to back off for awhile in order to give your spouse space to think things over. Even if your first impulse is to throw yourself at your spouse's feet and beg forgiveness, make yourself stop and give him or her a bit of time to heal. Initially, both of your emotions are too raw to think and act rationally.

If it was your mate who cheated on you, you need the space to consider:

* Has this happened before?
* Is your marriage worth fighting for?
* What will your spouse need to do to help you get past this incident?
* Why did this happen in the first place?
* Have you also been noticing that your marriage isn't what it once was?

Be truthful, because you have to know your own feelings before you'll be able to communicate them to your spouse. You have to be calm enough to talk things through before making any kind of final decision. You didn't deserve what happened to you, but there's no way to change it now. All you can do is go forward, either towards reconciliation or towards divorce. When the time to talk arrives, you may want to consider going to a marriage counselor together in order to keep the discussion on an equitable basis. In many instances you can rebuild a broken marriage as long as both parties make a true commitment to doing so.

Find out how to know when your marriage is over at: Free marriage advice or here: Save My Marriage.

Original article

Understand the Basics of Surviving an Affair to Protect Your Marriage

The perfect marriage which is without any troubles simply doesn't exist. Many state that the difficulties actually try to make the partnership tougher, so couples should not feel bad about this. After realizing that your partner has cheated on you, how are you intending to take care of being logical and considering the benefit of the family as well as the kids connected with the marriage? It's just so straightforward to encourage the hate that you feel for your wife or husband who has done cheating to consume you.

Instead, you need to let forgiveness go up to the surface. It won't be easy, but you need to consider. Hanging out on your own is the starting point in attempting to forgive your husband or wife. You should use this to contemplate the steps that you want to consider as well as to clear your mind. The fate of the marriage depends on the steps that you will do, so be particularly mindful.

Getting even isn't a sensible preference. Even though your spouse has been disloyal to your marriage, it doesn't suggest that you can also do the same. Introducing additional problems won't do your already problematic relationship anything good. Besides, you should also think about what you are instructing your sons or daughters using your actions.

It is definitely not acceptable to be unfaithful. Likewise, it's also not acceptable to hold it against anyone if they have done this sort of mistake. What you need to do is to go to a marriage counselor and inquire for an advice. Making sense of what has happened to the matrimony on your own is not an easy action to take. The help of somebody that handles these types of issues is required. In order to think things through better, you certainly need a counselor's skilled opinion on these issues.

The real key to surviving an affair is accepting what was done. Don't hasten the task and think that you can not forgive your better half right now so you may not be able to forgive the problem ever--things like this require time. One good reason that you are encouraged to invest some time on your own is to be in a position to relive those happy times spent with your husband or wife. Missing the other person is essential in rebuilding the marriage.

Another way for one to deal with the relationship complications is by looking for support. Seeing a therapist and remaining home alone isn't enough. You will still need some people to communicate with. You can sign up for marriage forums so even when you don't like being talked about, you may still have a method of discharging your rage. It is possible to acquire some tips from the total strangers that you will be able to communicate with. There's also no reason to be conscious around them since they do not know who you are and things are performed on the internet.

You don't have to keep all your emotions; others claim that you should keep the feelings in check, but can it do you anything good? By picking a non-destructive approach of dealing with the difficulties in your union, later on you will be able to have the love and consideration for your husband or wife yet again and the fury would be gone. By learning to begin to trust one another again, the resolution of the marriage troubles will come effortlessly.

Check it out to uncover additional about surviving an affair. There's additional knowledge about marriage counselor on this link.

Original article

Marriage Records and the History of Illegal Marriages Through Immigrant Infiltrations

To a question whether it is possible to have illegal marriages outside the jurisdiction of marriage records, it was found that the only option for such marriages was severe jail terms that could complicate further in several other offenses. In the US, there has been a practice amongst immigrants to find a partner willing to marry them so that their entry and settlement in the country becomes legal. However, after 9/11 it has now become not only seemingly difficult but also virtually impossible to stay in the US under the legal umbrella of being a married couple with ulterior intentions of settling in an illegal immigrant. While penalties for the immigrant might be concurrent with the fact that there are multiple criminal illegalities involved, for the resident of the country who willingly agreed to become the spouse the law is tougher.

There is no way by which it would be possible to circumvent marriage records and yet remain legally married in the country. There have been instances where under the garb of some sect or the other persons have got married but were tracked down and punished as per the provisions of the law. Especially in recent times, with repeated terrorist threats and attacks, it has become an onerous task for the lawmakers to ensure that there is maximum transparency in every marriage that takes place within the US. Documented proof must exist in marriage records and with the local authorities to ensure that the law is being strictly followed.

Illegal marriages have been in existence in the US for decades. Immigrants from neighboring countries like Mexico and Panama and from down the continent like Venezuela and Chile have attempted to enter the country through difficult border roundabouts, with an idea to make it big in the US. The lure of well-paid decent jobs and the willingness to go to a foreign country illegally because of this have not gone unnoticed by the US authorities. Deportations and jail terms are common but that has not deterred these people from seeking shelter in the US. Marriage records and written documentations do not deter these people from working and living in the US especially if they find willing spouses in the US too.

All these activities have raised the need for stringent checks at airports, ports, and other entry points in the US. However, if it has been possible to enter the marriage records, there are no further questions raised on the status of the individuals concerned.

If you want to learn more about marriage records, please visit the marriage records website for you.

Original article

Christian Marriage Help: Boundaries With Sex for Christian Wives

Are you looking for Christian marriage help regarding boundaries with sex in your relationship with your husband? If you believe you can't say no, are uncomfortable with your husband's sexual requests, find yourself disliking or avoiding sex, or are upset with your husband looking at pornography, then this article will give you the answers you are looking for. Here are four boundaries you can have with sex.

You can say no to your husband's sexual requests. While the Bible does say husbands and wives should not deprive each other of their bodies, except for prayer, women still can say no when sex is uncomfortable, demeaning, too frequent, or for other reasons. Women are not the sex slaves of their husbands. They can exercise their right to be loved by saying no when they really do not want sex and exercise their willingness to love by making a commitment to be their husbands' sexual partner. Both husband and wife need to be considerate of the other's needs but not discount their own.

You can enjoy a healthy sexual relationship with your husband. Some Christians look at sex as the duty of the wife without the expectation that she also enjoys sex. This belief is often stated by women who are struggling with their own sexuality or husband's mistreatment. Women can enjoy sex as much as men and should insist on a sexually fulfilling relationship by being honest with their husbands about what they want and need. Disliking sex with your husband can also be related to unresolved problems in the marriage that make sex uncomfortable. In this case, the pain is a sign that the issues need to be dealt with. Be honest with your husband about how you feel during sex and why. This has the potential of drawing needed attention to the problems while also increasing intimacy through open communication.

If your husband seeks sex outside the marriage, it is not your fault. Regardless of the frequency of sex in your relationship or the problems that exist, it is never right for a spouse to go outside the marriage. Some misguided people may suggest that it is your fault, but it is not. A woman does not have to carry the guilt of her husband's indiscretions nor does she have to fear that if she does not say yes to every request for sex that her husband has the right to look elsewhere for his needs. You can have a firm boundary and not accept the blame for your husband's choices.

You do not have to accept your husband looking at pornography. Most women are extremely bothered by pornography use and even feel betrayed. Many men do look at pornography, but not all men do. Sexual addiction is on the increase due to the availability of porn on the Internet. Sexual addiction is destructive to the man and the marriage. When a husband continues doing something that causes pain to his wife, he is not being loving and respectful. You can stand firm in your boundaries in asking your husband not to look at pornography.

This Christian marriage help will enable you to have healthy boundaries in your marriage regarding sex.

If you need more practical tips and Biblical truths to help you change your relationships, get my FREE "15-Day Relationship Challenge" designed to give you back the power over your life.

Just click here: http://www.free15daychallenge.com/

Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.

Original article

A Secret To Be Your Own Marriage Builder

You can save your marriage even though you are the only one who wants it to be saved. Marriage builders are people who just do not want their marriage to be saved but also wants to save other people's marriage.

Imagine yourself from your work going home to your spouse without any worries about misunderstanding or arguments that will occur between both of you, do you not feel good about that? Look at yourself and your spouse having a good evening in a sofa having coffee and laughing and talking about each other's day at work or at anything, does it not feel good? When you married your spouse, wasn't everything so perfect and wonderful? Both of you are marriage builders of your own.

On that very special day you had in your marriage, did you not imagine yourself and your spouse growing old together in a very warm home full of love? I bet you did that. But then problems came along. You had misunderstandings about some other things when you are together. All couples have problems. You should know that. All couples had misunderstanding on the times that they are together. But how is it that other couples still stay together after that misunderstanding while other couples choose to split apart. Well, that is your role as the marriage builder.

There is only one simple word to remember to keep your marriage intact even though you have a lot of problems that will come your way. That word should be "WE". Yes, the keyword for marriage is we. We means together, both of you, husband and wife. When you are married, you keep yourself together. Both of you should be one. Whatever you do, wherever you go, you should keep in mind also about your spouse and what will he or she will be thinking. You yourself should be your marriage builder.

For example, this is for men, when you are going out with friends on a disco house or a beer's house and you are married, you should think first about what your wife will also tell you when you go out with your friends. You should first ask permission if it is ok for her that you will go out with your friends. If it is not ok with her then never try to go out without her knowing. Remember that both you and your spouse is already one. If she resists that you should not go out and you really want to then try to convince her in a very nice way that she will not be hurt. If she said yes then you can go out with your friends without any worry in your mind. You will go out happy and you will enjoy because if she did not want you to go and you still went out with your friends, I assure you that you are not at peace even though you are going out to relax and you will not enjoy.

You can be a marriage builder yourself. Do your best to save your marriage especially if you really love your spouse. Never let that love pass through you. You will be happy living your life without any worries together.

Original article

Compromise in Relationships: Do You Have a Companionate Marriage?

Companionate Marriage?

No, I didn't mean to say "compassionate".

This is a term that means both partners share all tasks within the marriage equally. No one's career is more important, and nothing is the sole responsibility of either person.

Sounds nice, huh? This is the modern couple at it's best, you might say.

However, no matter how hard people try to maintain such a relationship, grievances still occur. After all, we are only human, right?

There is no right or wrong way to run your marriage. (Yes, I said "run" it. Because that's what we do.) But compromise in relationships can only happen if both partners know exactly what to expect from each other.

If you are a woman who wants a companionate marriage, then you have to ask yourself if it's in your contract. Not sure what I mean? Then read on.....

What Kind of Contract Do You Have With Your Partner?

"We don't have a contract," you say.

Well, I have to disagree with that. All marriages and/or relationships have an unwritten, often unspoken contract that you mutually agree to on a certain level.

Don't believe me?

Let me give you an example. In the book When Smart People Fail by Carole Hyatt and Linda Gottlieb, the authors explore the "contracts" people make when they are in love.

According to them each contract has two components: economic and emotional.

This is their sample of a traditional contract:

Man:" I will earn a good living for us [economic contract] and be strong at all times for you [emotional contract]."

Woman: "I will not work outside the home [economic contract], and I will be the mother to your children and supportive of your needs [emotional contract]."

That one doesn't work for you? How about this one?

Man: "I am an artist and cannot be looked to for money [economic contract]; I agree to be volatile and exciting [emotional contract]."

Woman: "I will earn the income in this family [economic contract], and I will be emotionally steady so that you can be volatile [emotional contract]."

There are as many types of relationship contracts as there are people, but some are based on an equal partnerships while others emphasis one partner as being dominant in either economic or emotional parts (or sometimes both).

However, this does not imply that both parties are necessarily happy with the arrangement. In fact, people often "agree" to situations that later feel quite unhappy for them.

Compromise In Relationships

According to the book, relationships can usually survive if one part of the contract is broken. However, if both parts are broken, then severe troubles usually erupt. In many cases this leads to divorce.

Therefore, it sometimes become necessary for a couple to renegotiate their contract. Time passes by, situations change and people change.

So let's say that a couple has the traditional relationship contract. The man is the rock. He is the financial and emotional provider for his wife. Then suddenly he loses his job, and worse, can't find a new one.

His wife will most likely support him and help him through this struggle. But let's say the man goes a very long time without finding new employment and then his emotional state starts to crumble.

His wife is left looking at this shell of a man wondering, "Where is the rock I married? Where has my security gone?"

Once these feelings start to seep into a relationship, it can really undermine the way both people feel about their roles in the relationship.

His sense of failure in compounded when he feels like he is failing his wife and family. She, in turn, feels like lots of responsibilities are piling up on her that she didn't sign up for.

The loss of a job is not the only thing that can send a relationship reeling. Anything stressful life event can bring on a situation that threatens your comfortable roles.

So it is important to sit down with your partner and discuss your implied contract BEFORE hardships come your way (and they ALWAYS come, sooner or later).

Compromise in relationships often comes from one or both partners deciding to be honest about being unhappy. If you partner comes to you with this information, don't see it as a failure but rather an opportunity for growth.

Dig deep and really be honest about what is going on between the two of you. There is no wrong kind of contract. Whatever you both agree to is perfectly fine. The point is to know what to expect from each other and to make sure that both individuals are happy with their role.

The more prepared you are, the better you can weather any storm.

Companionate Marriage Versus Traditional Marriage

So which one is better? Neither. If you both like the more traditional model of marriage, then by all means go for it. In fact, traditional marriages where the wife stays home are becoming the latest thing these days. It is "hip" again.

There are also lots of variations of the "traditional" marriage. For example, my husband works and I stay home to take care of the kids and our home. However, I also happen to work online. With this arrangement I am able to always put our home life first, and my work comes second. We are able to do this because he sees our financial security as mainly his concern [economic contract]. And I see the needs of our family as mainly my concern [emotional contract].

It works for anyone in our family, and we are all happy. Your arrangement should make you happy, too. If your current situation is not what you want it to be, sit down and talk to your partner. Don't know where to start?

There is a great way to learn compromise in relationships by educating yourself on what your partner really desires and expects from you. This resource digs really deep and touches all the areas that couples need to discuss. Here's the best part. It's more comprehensive than any other resource you will find on the internet (or in most book stores).

Find out what your partner truly values in you and in your relationship. And finally get your thoughts heard too. This is a crucial step to working out the best contract for you and your partner.

Want your partner to truly understand you? This is where you start.

(p.s. Don't put it off. Go ahead and start talking about it today.)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Angela Christian Pope has a psychology degree and extensive experience counseling couples. She is also the creator of ModernRelationship.org, an innovative website designed to help both men and women in all stages of relationships. Get answers to your burning questions, plus some advice you never knew you needed!

Visit our website for helpful (and sometimes funny) resources to help you make your relationship better, no matter how darn good it already is.

Original article

The Key On Saving Marriage

There are some married couples nowadays that are already separated. After just sometime or just a couple of fights, they already decide to have the divorce because what they thought is that it is the only way to stop the problems that they have. They see divorce as a scapegoat to their marriage problems.

You know what? Single people or separated people have a lot of problems too. This is what they do not know. Now if single people have a lot of problems in their lives, then how much more for a married couple? All people have problems and that's not what comes to their minds.

Look at the time when you got married, you had a promise to each other that you will not part for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer right? Did you forget that promise? I think so. Why? You forgot it because you decided to have the divorce. Did you not ever think about saving your marriage first? Do you remember the saying about "two heads are better than one"? This saying applies to married people.

You and your spouse are one but you and your spouse equals two heads. If you have a problem, isn't it very helpful to have somebody who will help you and you are not the only one who is doing your best to solve the problem? It helps a lot, isn't it? Yes, it does. Both of you will solve your problem together and it would be easier rather than solving it alone. Problem is part of our daily lives, either financial or emotional or anything.

If you have problems then talk about it together. Do not argue about it. Talk softly to each other and find what the problem is. Do not tone up your voice. Talk calmly. Ask your spouse what she or he really wants to do. Be open minded. If you do not agree to what your spouse wants then tell your spouse what you also want in a calm voice, in a calm way.

Show him or her that you are listening. When you show your spouse that you are listening then you are avoiding arguments. Let them talk first. Never talk when they are saying what they feel and what they like. Listen to the ideas she places on the table. Do you know that the main key on saving marriage is communication? It is not just for saving marriage but also on having a happy marriage. When you communicate well then you can join together and be a better force. Both of you will become stronger because you know in your mind that you have someone that will support you no matter what.

Original article

Jesus Died to Save Your Marriage

"For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." (Luke 19:10, NASB)

Jesus came to the Earth to fulfill a very specific purpose, which was to restore us to a right relationship with God. In order to accomplish this, it was necessary for Him to die on the cross, taking our sins upon Himself and bearing God's wrath against us. Having done this, the Justice of God was satisfied and the way was open for us to return to Him with a clean conscience.

Yet Jesus didn't come just to redeem us, he came to save all of that which was lost in the Fall of Man. There was much more lost than just a right standing with God. Our whole world was broken. God cursed the very ground so that we would have to work to eat. Our relationships with others were instantly tarnished as well. Adam and Eve could not relate to each other in the same way ever again. The very concept of marriage was ruined.

God's original design for marriage is for a man and woman to come together as partners, serving one another and working together to fulfill God's purpose. Now most marriages are entered into with selfish motives. I want someone to share my life with. I want to have my (emotional/physical/security/sexual/social) needs met. And the second those needs aren't being satisfied, I'm gone!

Jesus came to set things right.

Jesus Promised an Abundant Life - And that Includes Your Marriage!

In Luke 10:10 Jesus tells us another reason He came to the Earth, which is to enable us to live an abundant life. Some translations use the word "overflowing" to illustrate this concept. As Christians we have a God who loves us and desires for us to live a rich, joy filled life. Mediocrity is not God's intent for us.

This applies to all areas of life, including your marriage. If you are just getting by in your relationship with your spouse then you are missing out on God's full design for you. Yet so many of us have mediocre marriages that leave a lot to be desired.

Maybe you have an emotionally distant husband who just doesn't know how to relate to you. Maybe you have children that make it difficult to spend quality time together as a couple. Or maybe you are just cruising along without much purpose or drive to your marriage. These are common problems that nearly every marriage faces at some point.

If God has more in store for us how do we actually experience His promises for abundance?

Unlocking God's Restoring Power For Your Marriage

If you want to experience all that God has for your marriage you need to understand how to apply Biblical truth to experience the freedom that He promises. In order to better understand this, we can take a look at the context of what is happening just before Jesus makes his statement (quoted above) in Luke 19:10.

If we start from the beginning of the chapter we can see that Jesus was speaking to Zacchaeus. Aside from being infamous for his short stature and tree climbing abilities, Zacchaeus was a tax collector. As such, we can assume that he was corrupt, probably taking extra money from people and pocketing it for himself. This can be confirmed by the crowd's negative reaction when Jesus invited Himself over for supper.

At this point, Zacchaeus quickly makes the decision that he will sell half of his possessions for the poor and will make things right with anyone he's defrauded. After that, Jesus calls him a son of Abraham and tells everyone that He has come to save the lost.

I think the lesson here is that God looks favorably on those who turn away from their sin and turn towards righteousness instead. In other words, He desires repentance.

If you want God to restore your marriage, the best course of action you can take is repent of any wrongdoing on your part and be obedient to God's Word. You can't change your spouse. Only God can do that. But I have seen time and time again the power that humility, repentance, and obedience has to change things.

God can heal any marriage, but it starts with you submitting yourself to Him. Not with you trying to fix your spouse.

Daniel writes about Christian marriages and the struggles Christian couples face. If you want to have a healthier, stronger marriage that is grounded in Biblical Truth you can learn about a number of Christian marriage resources from his website.

Original article

What Is Marriage And Why Marry Anyway?

In this article I want to address some questions on what is marriage, why do we marry, and the role of extended families in marriage.

Firstly let me define marriage. For me marriage is about two people committing themselves totally to one another. And I'll add to this my personal opinion that this may refer to a man and a woman or two men or two women.

For me also this does not necessarily require a government or church ceremony, or approval, or even a document to authenticate that the couple are actually married. Of course for those who want to affirm their commitment to each other, and have others witness them doing that, is a way of including the whole of their family and community of friends into their commitment as well as into their marriage.

Marriage is a state of mind.

For me the essence of being married is more about a state of mind than about something defined by people on a church panel or state board. It is about a commitment to a relationship at the exclusion of all others. A relationship from which you get personal nourishment that makes your life worth living as you dedicate all that you have and all that you are to the wellbeing of this other person.

It is more than kinship, more than friendship and even more than a relationship. It is a spiritual connection with another human being that involves all of you every minute of the day whether you are together or not.

I have been in a relationship for more than twenty years and while my partner and I have not married, for me I am as married as I could be. I even refer to my partner as my husband as he refers to me as his wife. Not being married has in no way compromised our love for each other or our commitment to be with each other for as long as we are alive.

I'll also put another qualifier on this definition. That is that marriage also doesn't necessarily require the couple to live together. There are now as many ways to be in relationship with each other as there are couples who are finding that some arrangements work for them and others don't. What I'm referring to here are situations that sometimes have couples living separately from each other; sometimes across town, sometimes across countries. Sometimes these different arrangements are by personal choice and sometimes they are because of work or other commitments.

So why get married?

A challenging question! Again, I can only answer this from my own perspective. For me there is really only one reason to get married. Because my husband completes me! As an individual I believe I can achieve great things. As a couple I believe we can not just double that but multiply it many times over. This is for me truly a case of the possibilities of what we can achieve together being much greater than just the sum of the parts.

Beyond what I've already said is the simple fact that as human beings we are basically social animals who tend to be drawn together into groups rather than roaming the world alone. These groups can be as small as a family or as large as a city.

It is within these groups that we get cared for in ways that we might not otherwise. As a grandmother I gladly give of my time in the care of my children and grandchildren in a way that I might not otherwise give so readily but for the fact that they are my family and I also commit all of myself to their wellbeing.

It is in these extended families that we all can find a soft place to land when we are in need. So marriage is maybe something even more than simply a lifelong commitment to one other as it embraces our whole family and beyond.

For our family that extension embraces what I proudly call a "league of nations". For my partner and my children and their partners we collectively represent, within one generation, persons from Holland, Canada, Greece, China and, of course, Australia. I think for one small family that is pretty spectacular.

So until next time - Relate with Love

Lidy Seysener

About the Author

As a qualified Counselor, Lidy Seysener specializes in helping individuals and couples make the most of their lives and their relationships. She's been Counseling for more than twenty years and can also boast having been in an enduring relationship for as long.

For more information about me or what I do take a look at my newest website: http://www.acouplesjourney.com/ where you will find lots more information including quizzes and questionnaires. enter your details and you will get a free copy of my limited edition ebook titled 'Relationships - A Couples Journey'.

© 2010 Lidy Seysener - all rights reserved

Original article

Marriage Tips for Couples in a Long Distance Relationship

Some couples, especially those who have been in a long distance relationship, would dread the thought of being far from their spouses. They knew how difficult the situation is, and that's why they try to avoid such setup as much as possible. But there are times where we need to relocate to some faraway place due to some work commitments. Here are tips on how to survive a long distance relationship with your spouse.

Be Honest With Each Other

You must be honest with your partner at all times, not only during the times when you are together, but more especially if you are far from each other. Take time to talk to your spouse over the phone every day, and tell her everything that has happened in your day. This will assure your partner that you are being faithful to her, which could help to make your relationship work despite of the distance.

Do Not Be Judgmental

Just because your spouse was not able to answer your call does not mean that she is already having an affair with someone else. One of the reasons why long distance couples would fight a lot is because the other party is being judgmental to his partner. So if you want your relationship to work, be very open-minded and do not make judgments against your partner if you do not have any valid proofs.

Remember Special Occasions

Even if you are far from your loved one, make sure that you greet her during special occasions, such as wedding anniversaries and birthdays. Surprise her by sending out gifts, flowers, greeting cards or letters. If possible, send your presents in advance so it will arrive on time for the special occasion. This will surely make your partner feel loved and cherished.

Make Surprise Visits

If you can, try to go home and surprise your loved one as often as possible. If your schedule permits you to go home, then book a flight home and pay her a visit. And when you are with your spouse, make the best of your limited time by taking her to a romantic dinner or going on a short honeymoon trip. So instead of spending the weekend and holidays with friends, spend it with your loved one instead.

The tips above are all you need in order to make your marriage last even if you are far from your spouse. They might seem so easy for you to do, but when you are in the real situation, you will realize that long distance marriages are not really that easy to handle. However, if you are determined to make your relationship with your spouse to last forever, then perseverance and hard work is all you need, aside from following these tips.

Are you wondering if you can survive a long distance relationship? You can check out Why Men Leave Women and visit Mend A Broken Relationship to help you deal with this.

Original article

Tips on Balancing Your Career and Marriage

Perhaps most of us would just want to focus on being a husband or a wife, but given the current economic situation, it's not easy to just leave our partner to earn a living alone. Although it's the husband's duty to feed his family, but there are times that the wife would need to work as well in order for the entire family to live a comfortable life. So if you are one of these couples who are working while being married, here are tips to help you get through it.

Do Not Let Your Job Take Control of Your Life

There are times where we tend to enjoy our career life so much that we ended up taking our marriage for granted. But it is important to always remind yourself that you are now committed to someone else, and therefore, you must also think of your partner and not just think of yourself. The key here is to leave all your responsibilities in the office and forget everything about your job whenever you are at home with your partner.

Always Take Time to Communicate

In every relationship, communication is the key to solving all conflicts. Therefore, make sure that you take time to talk with your partner no matter how busy you are at work. Be very open to one another, and if there is anything that you need to fix within your schedule, then discuss these things with your partner.

Distribute Your Workloads

You do not really need to assume all the responsibilities in your office, especially if you have some other commitments, especially to your married life. Distribute the tasks to your colleagues, or ask the help of others in order to lessen the time that you need to work on a certain project. If your boss requires you to work beyond your shift, do not be afraid to decline especially if you need to attend to things relating to your married life. But make sure that you decline your boss in a polite manner.

Manage Your Time Well

Multitasking is all about proper time management. So if you want to do well in your job while being a good husband to your wife, then you should know how to manage your time well. The best way on this is to plot your schedule ahead for the entire week and make sure to set aside some of your time for bonding moments with your wife.

While we consider our jobs important to us, we must not forget that our wives as well as our children are more important than anything else in this world. After all, the main reason we are working hard is to give them the most comfortable life, right? So despite how busy you are at work, you should give more importance to your marriage life and to your kids as well.

Are you one of those who are asking "why my husband wants a divorce?" Look for answers by visiting Why Men Leave Their Wives.

Original article

Marriage Records - The Purpose, Benefit and Merits Behind an Official Entry in These Records

Public records can be of many types and are generally available to all citizens in the country for viewing. Marriage records conveniently come under this category and can be available for information and research purposes for anyone. These records are maintained by the state governmental machinery and have exact particulars and details, which might become necessary for various official purposes. Marriage records also form an important part of background check records for pre-employment screening purposes.

Different states in the US have different sources of obtaining marriage records. While most of the states follow the same guidelines and formats for the filling up of the forms connected with the record maintenance and retrieval, obtaining these records may not always be from the same source. While the district county office is responsible for maintenance and retrieval of these records, in the case of divorce, retrieval becomes the sole prerogative of the courts of law.

Why are marriage records necessary? In many ways, records help the individuals coming together in marriage. First of all, marriage is an official and a social event that must be made public to have recognition in society in the local sense and globally too. Marriage records also help in determining compensation benefits, nominee related benefits and several other benefits to the spouse in events that may lead to disability or even death in unfortunate circumstances. The courts of law considers a married couple legally valid for the purposes of claiming these benefits. The spouse is also eligible to be the priority receiver of all movable and immovable assets in the event there is no one else mentioned in the will of the deceased.

A question often arises in the event where illegal marriages are still in existence. First, it must be clearly understood that the laws of the land makes it virtually impossible for illegal marriages to exist and survive in the country. Both the husband and the wife would not be considered legally married in the event of a claim of benefits, property or related assets should there be an unfortunate death of either of them. Social security benefits and insurance reliefs are hard to obtain and may take prolonged periods of paperwork to secure the financial advantages arising from these claims.

Overall, marriage records are officially approved licenses that literally put into official census the number of legally married families in the state or country. The records can be retrieved any time for whatever reasons.

If you want to learn more about marriage records, please visit the marriage records website for you.

Original article

4 Unhappy Marriage Signs You Need To Look Out For - How To Avoid Common Causes of Divorce

Many experts say that there are four (core) unhappy marriage signs, and there are some things you can do about them (as they tend to be major sources of distress for the marriage partners in marriages where they manifest). These four are also, coincidentally, the common causes of divorce. But by the time matters get to a point where divorce is contemplated, many marriage partners tend to have lost the plot: to a point where they can't see the connection between these four issues and the contemplated divorce. Yet when attempts to dig deeper are made, it usually tends to emerge that the four issues we are just about to look at are actually the common causes of divorce (that is, the 'underlying causes' in divorce cases).

The ideal scenario

Before proceeding to look at the four unhappy marriage signs, it may be a good idea for us to pause momentarily, and try to understand what would constitute a happy marriage. That is where we'd come to learn that, in a nutshell, a happy marriage is one where the partners are (at least) 'fairly' satisfied with the relationship. Subsequently, the four unhappy marriage signs/common causes of divorce we'll be looking at tend to manifest in marriages where the partners aren't satisfied with their marriage relationships.

We are talking of the partners being at least 'fairly satisfied' keeping in mind that it is hard to come across marriages where the partners are fully/very satisfied with the relationships! That is because marriage often turns out to be a bubble-bursting affair: one where people's expectations are shattered. You have to keep it in mind that the initial attraction between the spouses who eventually marry tends to have chemical and hormonal underpinnings. Unfortunately, those hormonal and chemical underpinnings of initial attraction tend to shift with time, leading to a situation where, to put it mildly, the love tends 'to cool down a bit' as the years progress.

Thus while newly wed couples may confess to being 'very/fully' satisfied with the relationships, those who have been married for some time are likely (at best) to describe themselves as being 'fairly satisfied' with the relationships. That is alright, and many relationship experts would view it as the 'normal state of affairs.' Problems, however, creep in when the dissatisfaction grows to a point where the partners in the marriage get to a point where they can describe themselves as being 'very dissatisfied' with the relationships. This state of affairs is usually brought about by the build-up of major 'commissions' and/or 'omissions' on the part of the partners to the marriage relationship. And once we get to a point where the parties to the marriage describe themselves as being 'very' or 'totally' dissatisfied with the relationship, we end up with unhappy marriages - whose signs include:

Communication lapses

These normally manifest through 'silent treatments.' It is where, on account of a perceived wrong committed against him or her, a partner to the marriage relationship may opt to stop talking to the other one (the offending partner). The spouses who are subjected to the silent treatment in turn opt to retaliate (keeping in mind that, in some cases, they are not even told about the mistakes they are being subjected to the 'silent treatments' on account of). That then leads to a situation where the marriage partners are quiet to each other, which can, in the worst case scenario, lead to total communication breakdowns, which are amongst the common causes of divorce.

Another manifestation of communication lapses is that of frequent (and bitter) arguments. Whilst there are some relationship experts who argue that arguments are 'healthy' in marriages, there is consensus that when the arguments become bitter (thus turning into quarrels), they are no longer nice. Few people would actually argue with the fact that such frequent arguments-turned-into-quarrels are amongst the surest unhappy marriage signs.

So, what can you do about these communication lapses? Well, in most cases, what you need to do in order to resolve these communication lapses is to 'swallow your pride.' Where there is an argument or a quarrel, the solution is normally to have one partner concede that the other one is actually right (without being sarcastic), and the argument/quarrel is resolved. Where there is a case of silent treatment between parties to a marriage, what is necessary to resolve the whole situation is to have one partner swallow his or her pride and 'break the silence.'

At a more fundamental level, to prevent the communication lapses from manifesting in the first place, what the parties to the marriage need to do is develop two habits. One of those is the habit of thinking carefully before speaking (so that they don't hurt each other with words, which often leads to communication lapses). This is not just about thinking about the words to be uttered, but also the inferences that may be drawn from the words. The other one is the habit of listening -- and showing that one is listening (seeing that spouses tend to lash out bitterly whenever they feel that they are not being listened). Again, this is about not just listening to the words uttered, but also the messages communicated 'between the lines.'

Infidelity

Infidelity and the issues (like suspicions between spouses) that come with it tends to be amongst the surest unhappy marriage signs - that is, signs you can't interpret in any other way. As we mentioned earlier, an unhappy relationship is one where the partners are very dissatisfied. This dissatisfaction is what leads to infidelity. And needless to say, the issues like jealousy and resentment that come with infidelity tend to be amongst the common causes of divorce.

What you can do about infidelity (in order to prevent it from taking place) is to ensure that your spouse's needs - physical and psychological - are well met. It sounds simplistic, but the dissatisfaction that leads to infidelity tends to arise as a result of either unmet physical needs or unmet psychological needs. That is the root cause. The 'psychological needs' we are talking about here are simple things like attention (where spouses need to feel that attention is being paid to them).

Verbal or physical abuse

Verbal of physical abuse is yet another prominent member in the family of unhappy marriage signs. Normally, this verbal or physical abuse is preceded by lapse in communication (which we looked at earlier). These too, are among the common causes of divorce.

And while verbal abuse may be dealt with between the partners (through things like forgiveness and re-establishment of communication channels), where there are cases of physical abuse, it is usually wise to involve third parties. The stakes can go pretty high, and nobody should have to live with physical abuse.

Partner secretiveness

Yet another often ignored member in the family of unhappy marriage signs is partner secretiveness. It may look minor, but this is also one of the common causes of divorce. When we get to a point where partners to a marriage have stopped sharing their fears and hopes, we know that we have an unhappy marriage (even if the partners are still on 'talking terms' with each other).

In many cases, partner secretiveness is induced by loss of trust or the feeling that the other partner simply doesn't care.

Spouses facing this problem in their marriages are often advised to work on improving their emotional (or even physical) intimacy. That has the effect of re-strengthening the bond between them, to a point where they can start having deeper conversations and sharing their hopes and fears again.

Grab your Free Marriage Report which includes professional advice and methods on how to save a broken marriage!

You stand a much better chance at saving your marriage by following a proven plan that has helped others.

Click HERE and you will get all the knowledge you could possibly need, but do it now before its too late!

Original article

Save Your Marriage By Changing Your Marriage

No marriage is always on cloud nine, but some marriages are on it more than others. And many marriages tend to fall off the cloud and get back on in a consistent manner. But sometimes marriages fall off of cloud nine and can't find their way back on it. This is the point where you start to wonder how you can save the marriage and start being happy again.

If you don't take some sort of action to change the dynamics of the marriage then there may be no hope. You can't make something better if it doesn't work - and if your marriage is not getting better than what you are doing is not working.

You may think that you have to change your whole relationship in order to get a positive result. You may feel like your marriage is totally lost. But the truth is that sometimes little things, little changes, can make a huge difference.

Change Your Routine

Chances are you have fallen into some sort of routine. You may even resent the routine a little and get tired of having the same thing happen day in and day out in your marriage, but because it's comfortable you keep doing it day in and day out. It's time to step out of your comfort zone!

You may need to shake things up a bit to get a different perspective on your marriage and each other. Try putting a stop to your normal way of doing things for a couple of weeks. Agree on some new hings to do including new activities, new things to eat, and even a new way to go to bed. Changing things up can make you feel differently about each other and even change the way you view each other.

Put Some Romance Back Into the Marriage

When you are not getting along in the marriage the last thing you may want to do is be romantic! But romance is what keeps you connected on a level that no one else gets to connect with you on.

Take the plunge and do something that you haven't done for your spouse in a long, long time. Buy her flowers, give him a back massage, take her out to dinner, or make him feel like he's the king of your castle for a night. Find the romance that you once shared and see if you can ignite that spark back into a fire.

Bottom line: If you really want to save the marriage then you are going to have to change up the way you participate in the marriage because this isn't working for you. So change your routine and add some romance and see what happens. If you find that your marriage starts improving then you go from there.

Wondering how to save your marriage is the first step in actually saving it. It shows that you care enough about the marriage to want to continue on with it.

Bellaisa's website, the Relationship Circle, has relationship advice for men and women.

Original article

What Makes A Marriage Real?

What Is A Marriage?

I loved receiving this question as it's something that we may expect that we all understand but in truth maybe we actually don't.

So I started my research into answering this question by scrambling to the Macquarie Dictionary which defines marriage as "the legal union of a man and a woman for life including a legal or religious ceremony."

This definition really doesn't give us very much at all as marriage today in so many cultures, legally and through the various churches, is open to being dissolved on the wish of one or other of the parties. In most countries these divorces are even permitted without even having to prove that one party is in some way more at fault than the other.

So I thought that I should proceed in this article to discuss my thoughts on what marriage is and would welcome you to add your thoughts on the topic as well.

While marriage may relate to a legal process for me marriage is more about the commitment two people make to be there for each other come what may. I would also expand on the dictionary definition to include not just the communion of a man to a woman but also of either a man or a woman to another man or woman. In my view they are as much a marriage as any marriage could be.

The sad thing here is that too many people enter into a marriage without really knowing what they are getting themselves into or without going through any preparation to ensure that their marriage will go the distance.

When I work with couples contemplating marriage the first thing I get them to consider and discuss with each other is this very question: what is marriage to each of them? How do they define it and are they ok with how their partner defines it or does it need some tweaking to make it something that both of the couple can live with.

As most of you might know I am in a relationship and have been for more than 20 years. My partner and I are not married nevertheless I describe him as my husband and wear his ring. He also describes me as his wife. It actually took us some time to acknowledge each other in this way as we were assessing our future together especially as I had four young children already as part of the package.

One of the first things we discussed in terms of our marriage was about whether we would live together and where that would be. We then had many conversations about how we would manage my children and whether we would have any more children. We then had to decide on the division of responsibilities both in terms of household chores and financial contributions. Finally we had some conversations about ownership of property and what would happen in the event that either of us predeceased the other.

And while this was not an issue for us as we are both of the same religious beliefs, for many couples there is also the question of what their particular religious beliefs are and how they might impact on their relationship and/or to any children of the relationship.

So while some of these issues are still conversations in progress for my partner and myself, the underlying promise is that we will be there exclusively for each other for the rest of our lives. In this we committed to never walk out on the other and to always raise it whenever we had an issue that affected us both and/or our future together.

This is how I define my marriage for me. It is a safe place to collapse into at the end of each busy day where I can feel safe and not be judged negatively no matter what I do or think. It is a place where I feel loved unconditionally and love in the same way.

So until next time - Relate with Love

Lidy Seysener

About the Author

As a qualified Counselor, Lidy Seysener specializes in helping individuals and couples make the most of their lives and their relationships. She's been Counseling for more than twenty years and can also boast having been in an enduring relationship for as long.

For more information about me or what I do take a look at my newest website: http://www.acouplesjourney.com/ where you will find lots more information including quizzes and questionnaires. enter your details and you will get a free copy of my limited edition ebook titled 'Relationships - A Couples Journey'.

© 2010 Lidy Seysener - all rights reserved

Original article

Trust, Mutual Respect and Open Approach Are the Keys for Saving Your Marriage

Marriage is not just two persons of different species coming together and in the process developing an instant bond between them. It is a process in which two personalities joining together to live in harmony of family life. It is a new beginning were both wife and husband shed some of their, if not all, routines and habits as a bachelor. It is also where in the couple accommodating their best to have peace in the married life. If this is so why there are so many people, men as well as women, search ways for 'how to save my marriage?

In most of those people who frantically search, the answer is elusive to them because they search elsewhere for a solution rather than looking at themselves for the root causes. Let us look into some of the ways to keep your married life in peace and harmony.

No Dominance Please: the era of male dominating the female was during the time of early man who lived in the caves. When nowadays woman is shouldering responsibility by working for financial support and at the same time look after the basic household chores, she has to be treated in a level field. And this will create a cordial atmosphere in the family life.

Do Not Compare: the moment a man or woman walking into your life, the life as a bachelor ENDS. You no longer have the same freedom like what you enjoyed in your bachelor life. There are new responsibilities in the family life. You cannot just take the key of your vehicle and rush out of the house when a friend is hosting a 'flash' party. Your outings and parties are now planned well so that both of you can make a presence.

Start Afresh: From the very moment of you taking hands of your spouse and enter the married life, the life of the past is just that, PAST. The affairs, lover and anything that may affect your marriage are a thing of past and take measure to ensure that they don't surface again. The best place to keep the love letters and memoirs of a failed love affair is between two burning logs. Start your life afresh from the day of your marriage.

Mutual Respect: Just because you are married it doesn't give you the right for satisfying your sexual appetite when you wish. No doubt, sex is an integral part of married life, but that is when it is gentle and with the mutual consent. By respecting other person's feelings in the matter of sex help a lot for harmony in married life.

Trust: Do not allow, at any point of time in your married life, doubt to creep into your mind about your spouse. The very moment when you allow that to happen, you will view everything with a suspicious mind which is not good between a husband and wife. Discuss things in open which will strengthen the mutual trust.

Fight Issues, not the Person behind it: When there is a situation when your view about an issue is different from your spouse (there will be a lot of them, believe me), discuss to sort out the same. Do not the fight it out comparing it with earlier occasions. Just discuss and arrive at a best possible solution of the situation, and do that on the same day. Do not go to sleep with an issue still to be solved.

A married life is not always full of flowers alone, time to time there may be a thorn surfacing to test your mutual trust. Your ability to take out them and go ahead with renewed trust is the answer for your search of 'how to save my marriage'.

Blake Johnson is a writer you spealizes in family counsuling. See more of his work at Save my marriage today review and also at How to save my marriage.

Original article

Tips on Mending the Infidelity Issues In Your Marriage Life

Infidelity in marriage happens due to several different reasons - it's either because the wife does not have enough time for the husband that is why he seeks other partner, or it's probably because the husband just fell into the temptation. Whatever the reasons are, infidelity in marriage is definitely a difficult thing to deal with for it can easily lead to the downfall of a relationship. Read these tips to help you in dealing with infidelity issues happening in your marriage.

Do Not Jump Into Conclusions

Suspicion and doubt is a bad thing because it could cause a marriage to be broken, even if there is actually no issue at all. So if you feel that your husband is having an affair, avoid jumping into conclusions without enough evidences. It is best that you confront your husband about it, or gather enough evidences before you accuse him of cheating on you.

Understand Why Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful

As I mentioned from the start of this article, there are several reasons behind the infidelity of a person. Knowing what these reasons are and addressing such issues could greatly help to save the relationship from being broken So as soon as you find out about your husband's infidelity, be willing to talk to him and find out the best options to deal with the infidelity issues.

Accept the Reality

The problem with some women is that they tend to become in denial the moment they find out of their husband's infidelity for they are just afraid to face the truth. Knowing that your husband has been unfaithful maybe a devastating experience, but if you face the truth head on, dealing with such issues will then be easier for you. When you face the truth that your husband is unfaithful, then that is when you could think of ways on how to deal with the issue in the most appropriate way.

Avoid Confronting the Other Party

In as much as we want to slap the mistress of your husband, doing such will not do you any good, so avoid doing such. The problem involves you and your spouse so make sure that you first deal with it on your own and leave your husband to confront the third party. However, if you feel that the other party is doing all her best to ruin the relationship despite of your husband's appeal, then you better consider taking legal actions to teach her a lesson.

Addressing the issues of infidelity in your marriage life is not actually as easy as what you think. But if you and your partner are helping each other in dealing with such issues, then everything will be resolved easily. Remember that you cannot just deal with the issues on your own, for you also need your husband's cooperation in addressing the infidelity issues that has been ruining your marriage life.

Reestablishing your marital life right after infidelity might be unpleasant, although with the correct approach, difficulties usually do get much better. Have a look at signs he is cheating to learn the most noticeable weird habits of a cheater. If your marriage is at the edge, visit save marriage stop divorce on how you can preserve your marital life and stop divorce.

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