4 Unhappy Marriage Signs You Need To Look Out For - How To Avoid Common Causes of Divorce

Many experts say that there are four (core) unhappy marriage signs, and there are some things you can do about them (as they tend to be major sources of distress for the marriage partners in marriages where they manifest). These four are also, coincidentally, the common causes of divorce. But by the time matters get to a point where divorce is contemplated, many marriage partners tend to have lost the plot: to a point where they can't see the connection between these four issues and the contemplated divorce. Yet when attempts to dig deeper are made, it usually tends to emerge that the four issues we are just about to look at are actually the common causes of divorce (that is, the 'underlying causes' in divorce cases).

The ideal scenario

Before proceeding to look at the four unhappy marriage signs, it may be a good idea for us to pause momentarily, and try to understand what would constitute a happy marriage. That is where we'd come to learn that, in a nutshell, a happy marriage is one where the partners are (at least) 'fairly' satisfied with the relationship. Subsequently, the four unhappy marriage signs/common causes of divorce we'll be looking at tend to manifest in marriages where the partners aren't satisfied with their marriage relationships.

We are talking of the partners being at least 'fairly satisfied' keeping in mind that it is hard to come across marriages where the partners are fully/very satisfied with the relationships! That is because marriage often turns out to be a bubble-bursting affair: one where people's expectations are shattered. You have to keep it in mind that the initial attraction between the spouses who eventually marry tends to have chemical and hormonal underpinnings. Unfortunately, those hormonal and chemical underpinnings of initial attraction tend to shift with time, leading to a situation where, to put it mildly, the love tends 'to cool down a bit' as the years progress.

Thus while newly wed couples may confess to being 'very/fully' satisfied with the relationships, those who have been married for some time are likely (at best) to describe themselves as being 'fairly satisfied' with the relationships. That is alright, and many relationship experts would view it as the 'normal state of affairs.' Problems, however, creep in when the dissatisfaction grows to a point where the partners in the marriage get to a point where they can describe themselves as being 'very dissatisfied' with the relationships. This state of affairs is usually brought about by the build-up of major 'commissions' and/or 'omissions' on the part of the partners to the marriage relationship. And once we get to a point where the parties to the marriage describe themselves as being 'very' or 'totally' dissatisfied with the relationship, we end up with unhappy marriages - whose signs include:

Communication lapses

These normally manifest through 'silent treatments.' It is where, on account of a perceived wrong committed against him or her, a partner to the marriage relationship may opt to stop talking to the other one (the offending partner). The spouses who are subjected to the silent treatment in turn opt to retaliate (keeping in mind that, in some cases, they are not even told about the mistakes they are being subjected to the 'silent treatments' on account of). That then leads to a situation where the marriage partners are quiet to each other, which can, in the worst case scenario, lead to total communication breakdowns, which are amongst the common causes of divorce.

Another manifestation of communication lapses is that of frequent (and bitter) arguments. Whilst there are some relationship experts who argue that arguments are 'healthy' in marriages, there is consensus that when the arguments become bitter (thus turning into quarrels), they are no longer nice. Few people would actually argue with the fact that such frequent arguments-turned-into-quarrels are amongst the surest unhappy marriage signs.

So, what can you do about these communication lapses? Well, in most cases, what you need to do in order to resolve these communication lapses is to 'swallow your pride.' Where there is an argument or a quarrel, the solution is normally to have one partner concede that the other one is actually right (without being sarcastic), and the argument/quarrel is resolved. Where there is a case of silent treatment between parties to a marriage, what is necessary to resolve the whole situation is to have one partner swallow his or her pride and 'break the silence.'

At a more fundamental level, to prevent the communication lapses from manifesting in the first place, what the parties to the marriage need to do is develop two habits. One of those is the habit of thinking carefully before speaking (so that they don't hurt each other with words, which often leads to communication lapses). This is not just about thinking about the words to be uttered, but also the inferences that may be drawn from the words. The other one is the habit of listening -- and showing that one is listening (seeing that spouses tend to lash out bitterly whenever they feel that they are not being listened). Again, this is about not just listening to the words uttered, but also the messages communicated 'between the lines.'

Infidelity

Infidelity and the issues (like suspicions between spouses) that come with it tends to be amongst the surest unhappy marriage signs - that is, signs you can't interpret in any other way. As we mentioned earlier, an unhappy relationship is one where the partners are very dissatisfied. This dissatisfaction is what leads to infidelity. And needless to say, the issues like jealousy and resentment that come with infidelity tend to be amongst the common causes of divorce.

What you can do about infidelity (in order to prevent it from taking place) is to ensure that your spouse's needs - physical and psychological - are well met. It sounds simplistic, but the dissatisfaction that leads to infidelity tends to arise as a result of either unmet physical needs or unmet psychological needs. That is the root cause. The 'psychological needs' we are talking about here are simple things like attention (where spouses need to feel that attention is being paid to them).

Verbal or physical abuse

Verbal of physical abuse is yet another prominent member in the family of unhappy marriage signs. Normally, this verbal or physical abuse is preceded by lapse in communication (which we looked at earlier). These too, are among the common causes of divorce.

And while verbal abuse may be dealt with between the partners (through things like forgiveness and re-establishment of communication channels), where there are cases of physical abuse, it is usually wise to involve third parties. The stakes can go pretty high, and nobody should have to live with physical abuse.

Partner secretiveness

Yet another often ignored member in the family of unhappy marriage signs is partner secretiveness. It may look minor, but this is also one of the common causes of divorce. When we get to a point where partners to a marriage have stopped sharing their fears and hopes, we know that we have an unhappy marriage (even if the partners are still on 'talking terms' with each other).

In many cases, partner secretiveness is induced by loss of trust or the feeling that the other partner simply doesn't care.

Spouses facing this problem in their marriages are often advised to work on improving their emotional (or even physical) intimacy. That has the effect of re-strengthening the bond between them, to a point where they can start having deeper conversations and sharing their hopes and fears again.

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Create a Long Lasting Marriage and Avoid Divorce

All married couples want a relationship that would last a lifetime but not everybody knows how to create a lasting marriage. Keeping a marriage is not easy but it is something that can be achieved with commitment and the right understanding of what you are getting yourself into. Although there is no perfect marriage, couples are capable of creating a long-lasting marriage if they are willing to work on the following elements.

Honor the commitment. Many couples were able to survive the difficult times in their marriage because they were able to understand and honor their marriage commitment. Any marriage has its flaws and imperfections but the way couples handle those imperfections make a great difference. Couples should take their wedding vows seriously and the vows are not something that can be thrown out of the window in times of difficulties or trials. Trials are supposed to strengthen the marriage and not ruin it. Couples who accepted their vows as serious commitment are bound to create a long-lasting marriage and divorce is not an option.

Mutual respect. Marriage is a union of two people and they should become as one. Although couples are united as one, they are still two different people who may clash once in a while due to their different beliefs, opinions, etc. Your differences can put a strain in your marriage if you do not know how to respect each other. So to create a long-lasting marriage mutual respect is a must.

Willing to sacrifice for your spouse. One characteristic of true love is that you are willing to sacrifice and give way for your spouse. You do not have to be a martyr type of spouse but in a marriage there are situations that you have to give way to make your spouse happy. In a marriage, it is not about you anymore. To create a long-lasting marriage, you have to learn how to compromise or you have to know how to sacrifice for your spouse because this is something that people do for someone they really love. If you are willing to sacrifice for your spouse, the marriage will grow stronger.

Satisfying lovemaking. Couples are vulnerable to temptation if they are not sexually satisfied. Lack of intimacy can put your marriage in danger. One of the reasons of infidelity is sexual dissatisfaction. Couples connect emotionally and physically during lovemaking so both should reach the level of satisfaction to make the lovemaking something to look forward to. A healthy and satisfying sex life is important if you want to create a long- lasting marriage.

Share responsibilities. Couples often have their own jobs or careers and it is best to share responsibilities at home especially if you have kids and errands to accomplish. Keeping a marriage, a career and keeping things in order at home are too much for one person to handle. So to avoid stress in your marriage, share responsibilities. Help your spouse to keep things smooth at home. This is also another opportunity to do things together and strengthen your marriage.

It takes a lot of work and dedication to create a long-lasting marriage but it is not impossible for couples to spend the rest of their lives together.

If your marriage is going through difficult times, there are ways to save your marriage and avoid divorce. Visit Saving a Troubled Relationship

To know more about dating, love and relationships visit The Best Love Guide

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Create a Long Lasting Marriage and Avoid Divorce. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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Six Ways To Avoid Pitfall In Marriage and Save It

For most people, marriage is the greatest thing that ever happened to them. It's like a fairy tale come true, coupled with the ever famous "And they lived happily ever after" line. But, what most people do not understand is that marriage is the most difficult partnership ever conceived. If the couples do not have the knowledge of a married life, they going to have a tough time. Both partners need to understand that they are in a new world; it's so different when they were single. However all is not lost. There are ways to avoid the pitfalls and the land mines of a married life. Some of the ways to save marriage will be discussed as follows:

Create happiness - being happy is one of the most important factor to survive the relationship and have a successful marriage. Happiness is the key to make sure your marriage work. It is not that your marriage must work first then only you'll be happy, it's the other way round. To avoid a sad ending to your "happily ever after" story, you need to learn to create happiness in your marriage. Some insight - you need to make your spouse happy before you think about your own happiness. When your spouse is happy, you'll be happy. What you give you get back, happiness is created.

Cut the apron string - Getting along with the in-laws is considered by many as the biggest problems during married life. However understand that this shouldn't be a problem at all. For marriage to work out, you should establish boundaries if you're having in-law problems. There are a few essentials that you need to learn such as be assertive, get some privacy, give them respect, and to detach.

Learn to listen - How many times you heard your spouse said, "You're not listening?" Hear and listen is not the same. "A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him" - Brendan Francis. If you are a woman and having marital problem with your husband, I guess you get something from this quotation? Getting married means being open to your partner, and being open means being able to talk and listen to him/her about anything under the sun. Learn to lend your ears to your partner.

What you give you get - most people are used to living a single life where all they think about is their self. This probably the reason why when they got married, they tend to become selfish and think only about themselves. If this is taken for granted, it could cause the downfall of a marriage. Another saying, "Do onto your partner what you want your partner to do upon you."

Saying you're sorry isn't enough - Disagreeing is inevitable, especially in a marriage. You should understand this, there's no such thing as "the perfect couple". How you deal with the disagreeing would make a huge difference in your relationship. You both should learn how to communicate effectively to state your side of argument. Do not talk at the same time, give time for your partner to say what he/she need to say, and listen to him/her. Be humble enough to admit your mistake, ask for forgiveness and be sincere about it, don't do lip service. Most of the time, both side should ask for forgiveness from each other, especially when both of you snapped out of anger and acted inappropriately. You also need to learn how to forgive; it's another most important thing in married life. Learning to forgive and learning to trust are two different things.

Have fun - In the early part of married life, couples usually very happy. They go on vacation trips and engaging in leisure activities. But after some time they become engrossed with their individual jobs, and also fulfilling their responsibilities in the family. Nothing wrong in that, but you should understand that you need balance in your lives. No one is too old to play and have fun.

There you have it. If you practice the six ways to save marriage as discussed above, it will help you heal a marriage in trouble.

Wan Ibrahim write on marriage and relationship in his blog at http://savemarriagesite.com/. Grab more on "Ways to Save Marriage" for free at http://savemarriagehowto.com/waystosavemarriage/ now.

Original article