She Wants Out of the Marriage! Why You Shouldn't Give Up on Your Wife Just Yet

Marriage is by far the most challenging partnership most of us will ever experience. That makes marriage sound like something negative, doesn't it? That's not my intention at all. Marriage can, and often is, a soul nourishing experience. It helps us discover the best in ourselves and the best in another person. It teaches us that great things can be accomplished if you work together. It also illustrates how deep and abiding love and devotion can truly be. However, most marriages have their fair share of low points. Those moments when you silently wonder why you married your spouse and you wish for a moment or two of peaceful solitude. That's natural and in most cases it passes very quickly. Sadly, sometimes a woman may decide that the serenity she seeks is beyond what her marriage can provide her. When a woman says she wants out of her marriage, the man left holding his wedding ring and his heart, has to take a step back emotionally before he does anything too drastic.

I'm a woman and I am quick to confess that I'm sometimes perhaps a bit overly dramatic. It happens to the best of us when our hormones are raging or our tempers are flaring. You must take the timing into consideration if your wife has made a declaration that she wants out of the marriage. Did she say it in the middle of a heated argument about your financial situation or was it in response to you saying in exasperation that you sometimes wonder why you married her? The context of when she said it is incredibly important. If it came out during a stressful moment, you have to consider that it was said in frustration. If it's something that she says in quiet times when everything between you two seems okay on the surface, that's another issue altogether.

You must get a firm grasp on the reasons why your wife says she wants to separate or divorce you. If she can't pinpoint what is causing her to feel so disconnected from you, it's vitally important that you help her come up with an answer. There is no possible way you can work towards repairing your marriage if you don't know what the issues you need to work past are. This can range from her feeling you neglect her needs to her falling out of love. Be honest with her when you tell her that saving the marriage is your main goal and that you're willing to push aside your feelings of anxiety or frustration over this to help her find her way back to the relationship.

We all cycle through positive and negative feelings within our lives. Our moods and outlook are often a direct reflection of what is going on with us at any given moment. If your wife is going through a period where she's unhappy with herself, or where her life has taken her, that will likely be reflected within your marriage. She may see the relationship as something that has stifled her goals as an individual. Perhaps she gave up pursuing a promising career so she could devote herself full time to being a doting mother to the children you two share. If that's the case, it's important that you encourage her to jump back into her own life while you help balance out the responsibilities of parenting and tending to the needs at home.

If you are determined to save the relationship, talk with your wife calmly about what you can do as a husband, and her life partner, to make the marriage more enriching and satisfying for her. Show her that you are there to support and help her over the difficult bumps in life's road. It took time to build your marriage to what it is today so don't give in to the idea of allowing all of that to slip away in an instant.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your wife to feel even more distant from you. You can make your wife fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your wife is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make her fall hopelessly in love with you.

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My Husband Wants A Separation Or Divorce Because I Don't Appreciate Or Respect Him Enough

I often hear from wives who are still in shock that their husband has, seemingly out of the blue, announced that he wants a divorce or separation because he does not feel like an equal partner in the marriage. Sometimes, he has hinted or complained about this issue for a long time and it has finally gotten to the point where he wants to take some action. Other times, this is the first that the wife has heard of this topic and she's a bit floored and unsure how to proceed.

I recently heard from a wife who said: "last week my husband came home and told me that he wanted out of our marriage, I did not see this coming. When I asked him what was making him so unhappy, he said that he didn't feel like I respected and appreciated him enough. I have heard this from him before, but I never thought that he would take it to this level. I have a high stress job and he doesn't. I make more money than him. So sometimes, I have to stay late after work or go in on weekends. As a result, sometimes he has to pick up the slack and do the cooking or tend to the kids. Obviously he has been resenting this all along because now he is telling me like I don't treat him as an equal partner in our marriage. He says that I do not realize that he has feelings and talents too. He says that in my eyes it is all about me and I never brag about him or seem to appreciate him. He actually told me that I treat him like the hired help. I told him that I would never want him to feel this way and that, from today on, I would make a very conscious effort to do better. Because I do appreciate and respect him. But he says it's too little too late. He says that I give him the impression that he is not good enough for me and he can not live that way anymore. He says he wants to feel like his kids' father rather than their nanny. He announced that he had found an attorney and that I would get paperwork soon. What now? How do I respond to this? I do respect and appreciate my husband. How can I show him this before he really does divorce me?"

This is a tough situation, but it is not uncommon. Many women in today's economy are more successful and earn more than their husbands. And although the wife never even brought this up or made a big deal about it, the husband felt second best. This is common when the husband has to take on a supporting role with the house or children. It's very easy to assume that your husband is well adjusting and accepting of his role when in reality he is feeling belittled and unappreciated. One of the most troubling issues here was that the husband had only dropped little hints along the way. Sure, he would sometimes tell his wife that he was feeling taken for granted, but he never made it sound like a big deal. So, as a result, the wife didn't take any action and the husband felt that he had to do something really dramatic (like ask for a divorce) in order to get her attention.

Making Your Husband Understand That You Do Respect And Appreciate Him: Of course, the wife was now in a position where she had some major catching up to do. And there was a real risk that the husband would think that she was just saying or doing things in order to get back in the husband's good graces again so that things could just continue on in the way they had been. It's very important that he believes that you are absolutely sincere about showing him the respect and appreciation he deserves.

How do you do this? By paying attention to all he does and then verbalizing and doing little things to show him that you truly do notice and appreciate him. You might verbally thank him or even do something to lighten his load. Maybe you volunteer to take a chore or task off of his hands so that he can go and play basketball with his friends or do something else that he enjoys. Encourage him to pursue his own dreams because he may be frustrated to see you pursuing your dreams while he is not because he is trying to pick up all of the slack. As he is more fulfilled with himself, he will be less likely to feel resentful and unappreciated.

The very worst thing that you can do is to downplay his feelings, tell him that he is overreacting, or belittle his need for appreciation and validation. And one of the best things that you can do is brag about him and praise him in front of your and his friends. You want to make him feel invaluable.

What If I Try My Best To Make Him Feel Respected And Appreciated And He Still Wants Out And Is Going forward With The Divorce?: In that case, you may have to accept that the process may take longer than you originally appreciated or hoped. He may suspect that you are just telling me what he wants to hear just to get him to call off the divorce. So, it's quite possible that he doesn't yet trust and believe you. That's why you need to make absolutely sure that your actions are in alignment with your words. People can and do say anything when they are faced with the divorce that they don't want.

But over time, as you keep right on telling him the same things and keep right on showing him your appreciation and respect, he will be more likely to believe what you say and act accordingly. I know that things can be difficult when he's turned cold and distant. In that case, you have to make the most of those little moments and those little opportunities to show him that you really do know, understand, and value what is important to him. He needs to believe that what is important to him is just as important to you because you are equal partners.

My husband and I ended up separating when I was both working and going to school. I had a very full schedule and he did not. As a result, he ended up not feeling like an equal partner and he sought a separation. It took a lot of work and effort to make him realize that I did appreciate and respect him. And eventually, this allowed to me to save my marriage. If it helps, you can read through that whole process on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

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We've Been Separated But Now My Husband Wants To Come Home - How Should I Respond?

I sometimes hear from wives who aren't sure what to do when their separated husband announces that he is now ready to come home. Some wives are overjoyed at this news and some are not sure how they feel. Many have feelings that change from one day to the next. On the one hand, they do want their husband to come home and work on or save their marriage. But on the other, they worry if anything has really changed so that saving the marriage is actually going to be possible.

I heard from a wife who said: "when my husband approached me about a separation, I fought him hard on it. I wanted to go to counseling and save our marriage and I didn't understand why he had to move out for all of these things to happen. But he moved out anyway. And this was devastating for me. But I have coped and I'm doing OK. We never did counseling and not a lot has changed. But when we saw each other during the separation, it was clear that we missed each other and that there was still some love there. Then last week, out of the blue, he called me and told me that he was ready to come home. I asked why he made this decision and his answer was 'it's time.' I'm very conflicted about this. On the one hand, I want my husband home. But on the other hand, we haven't changed or addressed anything. Nothing has changed. And I worry that he is only coming home because he's lonely or bored. Plus I'm a little resentful that I begged him not to go in the first place and here he is getting to make all the decisions and dictate how things are going to go once again. I feel as if I am at the mercy of his decisions. He wanted to move out and I had no choice to go along. And now he wants to move back and I'm just supposed to roll it. What now? I am just unsure as to what happens when he comes home and how I'm supposed to react."

I understood how the wife felt. She wondered if she was just getting pulled around by the whims of her husband. And she wondered if their marriage even stood a chance when nothing had really changed. She didn't know what type of outcome to expect. She wanted to have a good attitude, but she didn't want to get her hopes up only to have them slashed when her husband's next move was a divorce because he could then say that he came home and tried to make it work but was unsuccessful. The thing is, the wife had no way to know what was actually going to happen. She was assuming that she was going to have a difficult road or a bad result, but who was to say that was true? Many marriages recover quite well when a spouse moves back after a separation. Below, I will offer some tips to help make the transition a little easier and the outcome a little better.

If You're Not Sure How You're Supposed To React Or How You Really Feel About Him Coming Home After The Separation, Make It Clear That You Want To Move Slowly: The wife feared that the husband expected her to fall back into his arms and act as if the separation never happened. She wasn't sure if this was realistic or even fair.

Nothing said that she could not gently set boundaries. And I always feel that it's best to share your feelings rather than allowing them to fester or potentially become a problem. She might tell her husband that although she was very happy that he wanted to come home, she was afraid that they were going to struggle if they didn't set get some help or ease into the new living arrangements. She might suggest that they set an upcoming date for him to move home and ask that they get some counseling prior to that date. That way, she would feel more secure in hoping for the outcome that she really wanted - which was to save her marriage. And, she could get her feelings and her fears out on the table so that they wouldn't come back to bite, haunt, or damage their marriage in the future.

Know That Your Husband Coming Back After The Separation Truly Can Be A New Beginning: I think that this wife had built a wall around herself to keep herself from becoming hurt again. She had become so devastated when her husband moved out. And, she wanted to avoid repeating the pain, so she refused to have any faith in the outcome. The problem with this is that in order to truly save your marriage after a separation, it helps greatly for both of you to work equally as hard and to hold nothing back. When you place a wall around yourself so that you don't get hurt, you run the risk of that same wall keeping you from feeling the love that you really want. This isn't the best way to start the recovery process.

I know that it's scary to go all in. But it's the only way to know that you gave it your all. Not only does this give you the best chance of a happy and lasting marriage after the separation, but it gives you the peace of mind to know that if you just can't make it, that you did every thing you could and that you can have full closure. Besides, let's not go to dark places. There is every chance that your husband has done some soul searching and is 100 percent sincere. Get the help that you need, follow your heart, and expect nothing but the very best.

When my husband moved back in after our separation, I was elated. But I also knew that we had to find some resources to help us if we were going to make it for the long term and have a happy marriage. And this is what I did. Eventually, my husband got with the program. If it helps you can read that very emotional story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

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