Are you looking for Christian marriage help because you need to know what constitutes spiritual abuse? Abuse is about using power to control another person. Spiritual abuse is the misuse of spiritual authority as a means of power for a husband to control his wife.
Christians believe that Scripture teaches that the husband is to be the head of the home and that his wife is to submit to his leadership. This is balanced by the scriptural admonition for the husband to love his wife as his own body and as Christ loved the church. When these work together, a partnership is formed that is in the best interest of both people. Neither abuses nor mistreats the other and they work together to make the marriage work for both of them.
When spiritual abuse occurs, the husband uses his authority as the head of the house to demand obedience, prevent his wife from having an input into the decisions, discount her needs, expect servant-like obedience, disregard her feelings and act arrogantly like the "master of the house." There is a strong requirement that his wife submit and if she doesn't, there are repercussions. Submission is used as a way to silence her, prevent him from having to listen to her, and to get him his way. The husband demands all these things while ignoring the mandate to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25); yet, he uses the mandate for her to submit to control her.
Spiritual abuse is wrong because it mistreats a woman and requires her to submit to harsh and demeaning rather than loving leadership. First Peter 3:7 tells husbands to be considerate with their wives and to treat them with respect as co-heirs of salvation and if they don't, their prayers will be hindered. Colossians 3:19 tells husbands to love their wives and to not be harsh with them. Spiritual abuse is the opposite of these things; it is not respective, considerate, or loving and it is harsh.
If you are in a marriage where there is spiritual abuse, you need to be empowered to know that you do not have to submit to that type of leadership.
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Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.
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