1. Try and figure out 'where it all went wrong': I feel that it is important to establish why and how your relationship has gotten to the state that it is in. It may well be something as straightforward as your spouse never seeing enough of you. If this is so, then you don't need me to tell you what to do (but I will just in case!) Work fewer hours. Even if it means that you're put under strain financially, because you love your husband/wife and they are more than worth it. In any case, talk to your partner as there may well be something you can change or put into practice effective immediately to improve your marriage.
2. Re-open the communication channels: Although most relationships which are in turmoil suffer from a seemingly never-ending amount of arguing, sometimes instead it is that communication between you and your spouse is non-existent. If this is the case, I would encourage you to not take the route of blaming your partner, feeling resentful or trying to tackle 'important issues'. Instead, simply get into the habit of making sociable conversation with them again. At first, you may still receive one, two word answers but continue with utter patience and life with your partner will become more civil and enjoyable.
3. Don't argue, discuss: I am a firm believer that more often than not, couples argue not due to issues that they simply can't resolve, but because they have allowed it to become a habit. A default way of communicating. It is of utter importance that both you and your spouse make a concerted effort to move away from arguments and instead learn to discuss.
Books have been written on how to achieve this but in brief, under no circumstance should you be rude, belittling, or hurtful towards your partner. Instead, listen to what they have to say (without interrupting them) and acknowledge how they feel. Before you move on, address that issue with them and agree on a way to deal with it.
4. Take some time out for self-reflection: A way marriages can be difficult is this feeling that to a degree, you have lost your sense of self. Think about it; when you are not at work, you are usually never not with your partner, nor do you make a decision without them. I would encourage you each to find time for yourselves every week. This may be spending a couple of hours at the gym, hanging out with some friends after work, playing some golf on the weekend and so on. Whatever it is that may interest you, fit some you time into your schedule a.s.a.p.
5. Be romantic with each other: This is an essential part of a healthy marriage. However, unless you are communicating (as discussed in tip #2) it will be difficult to achieve. If that isn't a problem for you and your partner, then begin by letting them know how much you love them and how sexy you think they are. Not only will this make them feel loved, appreciated and sexy but they will be more likely to reciprocate in this fashion. I would also recommend having a 'date night' once a week.
This doesn't have to be an evening at your favourite restaurant. It could be a simple as cuddling on the couch, watching a movie together and sharing the popcorn. The important thing is that you are making time for each other, no matter how busy your lives are.
If you begin to implement these techniques, then you will start to enjoy having a healthy and romantic marriage once again.
Jonathon Stevens is a relationship expert. For more great information on save marriage today, visit http://www.revitaliseyourmarriage.com/.
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