My Husband Wants A Separation Or Divorce Because I Don't Appreciate Or Respect Him Enough

I often hear from wives who are still in shock that their husband has, seemingly out of the blue, announced that he wants a divorce or separation because he does not feel like an equal partner in the marriage. Sometimes, he has hinted or complained about this issue for a long time and it has finally gotten to the point where he wants to take some action. Other times, this is the first that the wife has heard of this topic and she's a bit floored and unsure how to proceed.

I recently heard from a wife who said: "last week my husband came home and told me that he wanted out of our marriage, I did not see this coming. When I asked him what was making him so unhappy, he said that he didn't feel like I respected and appreciated him enough. I have heard this from him before, but I never thought that he would take it to this level. I have a high stress job and he doesn't. I make more money than him. So sometimes, I have to stay late after work or go in on weekends. As a result, sometimes he has to pick up the slack and do the cooking or tend to the kids. Obviously he has been resenting this all along because now he is telling me like I don't treat him as an equal partner in our marriage. He says that I do not realize that he has feelings and talents too. He says that in my eyes it is all about me and I never brag about him or seem to appreciate him. He actually told me that I treat him like the hired help. I told him that I would never want him to feel this way and that, from today on, I would make a very conscious effort to do better. Because I do appreciate and respect him. But he says it's too little too late. He says that I give him the impression that he is not good enough for me and he can not live that way anymore. He says he wants to feel like his kids' father rather than their nanny. He announced that he had found an attorney and that I would get paperwork soon. What now? How do I respond to this? I do respect and appreciate my husband. How can I show him this before he really does divorce me?"

This is a tough situation, but it is not uncommon. Many women in today's economy are more successful and earn more than their husbands. And although the wife never even brought this up or made a big deal about it, the husband felt second best. This is common when the husband has to take on a supporting role with the house or children. It's very easy to assume that your husband is well adjusting and accepting of his role when in reality he is feeling belittled and unappreciated. One of the most troubling issues here was that the husband had only dropped little hints along the way. Sure, he would sometimes tell his wife that he was feeling taken for granted, but he never made it sound like a big deal. So, as a result, the wife didn't take any action and the husband felt that he had to do something really dramatic (like ask for a divorce) in order to get her attention.

Making Your Husband Understand That You Do Respect And Appreciate Him: Of course, the wife was now in a position where she had some major catching up to do. And there was a real risk that the husband would think that she was just saying or doing things in order to get back in the husband's good graces again so that things could just continue on in the way they had been. It's very important that he believes that you are absolutely sincere about showing him the respect and appreciation he deserves.

How do you do this? By paying attention to all he does and then verbalizing and doing little things to show him that you truly do notice and appreciate him. You might verbally thank him or even do something to lighten his load. Maybe you volunteer to take a chore or task off of his hands so that he can go and play basketball with his friends or do something else that he enjoys. Encourage him to pursue his own dreams because he may be frustrated to see you pursuing your dreams while he is not because he is trying to pick up all of the slack. As he is more fulfilled with himself, he will be less likely to feel resentful and unappreciated.

The very worst thing that you can do is to downplay his feelings, tell him that he is overreacting, or belittle his need for appreciation and validation. And one of the best things that you can do is brag about him and praise him in front of your and his friends. You want to make him feel invaluable.

What If I Try My Best To Make Him Feel Respected And Appreciated And He Still Wants Out And Is Going forward With The Divorce?: In that case, you may have to accept that the process may take longer than you originally appreciated or hoped. He may suspect that you are just telling me what he wants to hear just to get him to call off the divorce. So, it's quite possible that he doesn't yet trust and believe you. That's why you need to make absolutely sure that your actions are in alignment with your words. People can and do say anything when they are faced with the divorce that they don't want.

But over time, as you keep right on telling him the same things and keep right on showing him your appreciation and respect, he will be more likely to believe what you say and act accordingly. I know that things can be difficult when he's turned cold and distant. In that case, you have to make the most of those little moments and those little opportunities to show him that you really do know, understand, and value what is important to him. He needs to believe that what is important to him is just as important to you because you are equal partners.

My husband and I ended up separating when I was both working and going to school. I had a very full schedule and he did not. As a result, he ended up not feeling like an equal partner and he sought a separation. It took a lot of work and effort to make him realize that I did appreciate and respect him. And eventually, this allowed to me to save my marriage. If it helps, you can read through that whole process on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Original article

Husband Doesn't Love You - How to Get the Romance Back

Is your marriage going through a rocky patch you are afraid that your husband doesn't love you anymore? How can you tell if your husband doesn't love you? Is it possible to get the romance back if your husband doesn't love you?

Over the course of a marriage, it is possible for couples to fall out of love with one another. This can be especially true if you are currently experiencing other issues within a marriage such as financial difficulties. If your husband doesn't love you, you may believe that your next step is to consult a divorce attorney. However, there are ways you can win the romance and your husband back at the same time.

Spend Time Together

When you spend time together, make sure that it is quality time in which you can really devote yourselves to one another. Spending time together can be difficult because you are probably being pulled in several different directions with work, school, kids and other commitments. However, if your husband doesn't love you, you will have to work at it and make time for each other. One way to do this is to go out on dates with one another. You can go to the movies or have a nice dinner in which you don't talk about money or the kids. You may even want to plan a romantic weekend away for just the two of you in order to have some time all to yourselves.

You Have the Power

While you can go out on dates with your husband in order to win back his love, you will also have to show that you love him on a daily basis. This means that you shouldn't criticize him or belittle him in any way. Instead, be loving and do little things for him around the house. In addition, when he does something for you, be sure to show your appreciation and thank him. Try to avoid seeing the negative in him and only concentrate on what is good and on why you fell in love with him in the first place.

Talk With Him

A great way to get the romance back is to just sit down and talk. Try to reconnect and see what is going on in each other's lives. Find out what is wrong in the relationship and work on solving those problems. While this might be a difficult conversation to have, you will feel better at the end and have a better idea of how to save your marriage.

Get Help

There is nothing wrong with seeing a marriage counselor if you feel as though your husband doesn't love you anymore. Seeing a counselor might be more likely to succeed if you go together, but you can go alone in order to determine what you need to do in order to bring the romance back into your relationship. Be sure to find a therapist who you feel comfortable with and one that specializes in the types of problems your marriage is facing.

To find out more about how to get male attention, click Understand Men. You'll learn all the secrets to make a man Fall in Love with you.

Janice Evans is a dating and relationship expert. Her passion is to write informative articles for women who want to improve their love lives. Visit her site for more information.

Original article

3 Basic Mistakes You Can Make In Trying to Save Your Marriage

Do you have a feeling that your marriage may be headed for divorce? Sadly, more than half of all the marriages in the United States each year end this way. However, it doesn't have to happen to you. In most situations, some simple steps can save a marriage and stop a divorce dead in its tracks. The best way to do this, though, may seem unrealistic to you and even like it isn't going to work, but these basic techniques have passed the test of time and will definitely help your ailing relationship. All you have to do is change some of the tactics that come naturally, and you can really make a difference, even if your partner isn't working alongside you in the beginning.

Most people, when faced with the break-up of their marriage, want to try and reassure their spouse that if they stay married, things will change. To this end, people pledge to change everything about their natural personality, a promise which they can never hope to keep. If you've ever said, "I really have changed, and things are going to be better from now on", you're only showing your desperation. This method is never going to work. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Would you really believe your spouse if he or she were to use that line on you? You know you wouldn't, and neither will your mate. Save your words and show your partner by your actions how different things can be. Over the long term, that's the best assurance you can give.

If you're fighting to save your marriage, your heart will probably encourage you to repeatedly tell your spouse that you love them. Although it may well be true, and they may love you deeply, too, it can also be construed as an attempt on your part to emotionally blackmail them into staying married. This definitely isn't the time to express your emotions so blatantly to them. After all, they are already dealing with such feelings as a shredded ego, a sense of rejection and failure, and the desolate prospect of having to start their life over again. Wait until you both heal, and then you can be as liberal as you like with the loving words.

Another technique that's sure to continue running your marriage into the ground is trying to use logic to argue your spouse into feeling guilty. No one is going to respond favorably to an approach like this. Nothing is solved by hostility, so if you unfailingly exhibit a peaceful demeanor, you will also alleviate some of your spouse's anger and resentment. The main thing to remember in saving your marriage is that you need to keep your mouth shut even though you're tempted to jump into the fray.

Get 8 hours of live marriage coaching and proven marriage advice that really works at: Stop divorce or here: Save My Marriage.

Original article

Ideal Husband Characteristics - How to Find the Man of Your Dreams

Introduction

Your future husband has to be your soul mate - and your sole mate. The relationship you get into when you marry is supposed to last a lifetime. But more importantly, your happiness is supposed to last a lifetime. That's why it is critically important to follow a structured approach to selecting the man of your dreams.

What Do You Want?

Begin by asking yourself exactly what you want from your marriage, and therefore from your future husband.

When you do this exercise, stay realistic. It would be very tempting to define the requirements for your husband in such a manner as to rule out all but Superman...

Think about what makes you happy now, because those things are not likely to change dramatically once you get married...

Define Your Ideal Man

Now that you have listed the things that make you happy, start thinking about the characteristics a man would need to have in order to match those things that make you happy.

For example, let's say one of the things that makes you happy is to get out in nature, and therefore you love going on treks through areas of great natural beauty.

Now imagine you find a guy who is a typical "computer geek" and whose idea of fun is a weekend of playing internet games against his friends...

How much chance do you think a relationship with him would have? Umm, about zero per cent?

You get the idea. Find a guy whose interests and characteristics match your own.

Can People With Differences Not Have Happy Marriages?

At this time you might want to ask whether it is impossible for people with differing interests to have a successful marriage. Of course it isn't impossible.

It is often said that "opposites attract." But such people will have to work much harder to make their relationship work.

In the beginning it might be interesting to have someone with the opposite idea to yours, and normally people tend to "tolerate" such differences during the "being-in-love" phase of their relationship.

But after a few years, when the novelty has worn off, those same people often get irritated by their partner's differing attitudes and interests.

While I am trying not to generalise, I have to warn you to make doubly sure that both of you are not only willing, but absolutely committed to make your differences work... now and into the future.

Measure Your Potential Partner Against Your Ideal

Now you know what makes you happy.

And you have defined the characteristics of a man that would support those things and tend to naturally do them.

All that remains to do is to measure a potential husband against what you have defined, and voila... you've found your ideal man!

What About Love?

"But what about love?" you ask. "Does love not come into play?"

I'm glad you asked.

Of course it does!

Love is critical. After all, you're not buying a horse!

The process described above can never stand on its own, simply because human relationships - especially marriage - are much, much more important than buying a horse.

Love absolutely has to be present, otherwise the relationship will start off with a huge disadvantage.

The problem with love is, however, that many people don't know what it is.

Girls tend to think that, because they have allowed the guy to have sex with them it automatically means the guy loves them.

Sorry, ladies, but that simply is not true. If you are willing to lay down for him he will be only too willing to take advantage of it. Oh, he might be whispering some sweet words into your ear (to make himself feel less guilty for using you) but once he finds another girl who is "willing" he'll suddenly be "head-over-heels in love" with her... until the next one comes along.

Summary

While women use their hearts to fall in love, they should also employ their brains and some logical thinking. That will spare them a lot of heartache, not to mention divorce.

If you want to find a man that will make you his goddess for the rest of your natural lives together, then invite him to read this eBook in order to learn what being a good husband really means.

Go to http://www.goodhusbandsecrets.com/ to get your own copy of this amazing eBook.

Thanks for reading, and may I wish you a long, happy and fulfilling marriage - Schalk Lubbe

Original article

When Two Halves Make a Hole

The saying that "Two halves make a whole" only works with fruits! It is not uncommon to hear a pastor at a wedding ceremony say that two halves have come together to make a whole. Romantic as it may sound, it is unfortunately not true.

A good number of people have walked into marriage hoping that the other person will complete them. Undue pressure is then put on the spouse to be a miracle worker! The husband and wife are transformed overnight into poor substitutes for God, who alone can bring genuinely lasting change in a person.

The young husband often sees his wife as the medicine cabinet that, will sooth all his wounds. The bright-eyed bride sees her husband as the knight in shining armor that has come to rescue her from all her woes. Needless to say, it does not take very long before they both realize that the "magician spouse" forgot to bring a wand.

A more accurate statement is that two halves make a hole. A vicious dark hole that sucks in the couple into broken dreams, frustration, regret, and in many cases, divorce. An incomplete person can never complete anyone, and every spouse is a work in progress!

While in many third world countries marriage is still seen as a right of passage into adulthood, in many countries in the west marriage has received a death- blow! It hobbles along emaciated and wounded, as the divorce rate climbs higher and higher.

Disillusioned couples are moving in together as a test to see whether they are compatible, before they can even contemplate marriage. I just recently came across a British advert online that promised divorce in weeks for 17 pounds! The lure was that there would be no forms, court or solicitor fees. The catchphrase was 'Over 100,000 satisfied customers!'

As the institution of marriage is collapsing before a carefree world, the Christian Church is wringing its hands wondering what to do. Unfortunately the 'world' has run into the Church and polluted its biblical standards while the Church has run out into the world and adopted its way of life. All this has been orchestrated by the devil himself!

To prove how much the Church has adopted the standards of the world, research shows that the ratio of divorce among non-Christians is almost identical to the ration of divorce amongst Christians.

Research done in the Unites states three years ago revealed that 49% of all marriages involved a remarriage for one or both spouses. It also estimated that 40% of all marriages ended in divorce. On average, according to this report, first marriages that ended in divorce lasted about eight years. Assuming that most married couples who planned for children got them into the third or fourth year of their marriage, by the time of the divorce, the children would be between four and five years old!

Psychologists tell us that out of all the devastating experiences in life, death comes first while divorce comes second. This devastation hits children the hardest! While the spouses move on to other spouses and form new homes, children are left bewildered, rejected, frustrated and angry.

A family is the core of any society. Can we now see why the world is in the state that it is in? Single parent homes are on the increase at home and abroad. Can marriages be saved for the sake of our societies? Can dissatisfied couples put their needs on hold while they look for solutions? Is there a remedy for this situation?

This situation is not new. Thousands of years ago God lamented over the same situation to His prophet, Malachi. He accused His people Israel of being unfaithful by breaking marriage covenants with their wives.
"... The Lord is acting as a witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant" (Malachi 2:14).

According to this verse we can see that God is the primary witness in any marriage covenant. Secondly, God is accusing them of breaking faith. Faith is the primary engine that drives a marriage. The Bible calls faith being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1). Faith says, although I do not see anything good in this marriage anymore, I trust God who is able to hold this marriage together. To break faith is to stop believing in God.

God goes on to say how intimately He is involved in any marriage.
"Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring... Do not break faith with the wife of your youth." (Malachi 2: 15a).

God says that he is the one who has brought them together (made them one) and they are His. He says that He was seeking to build a society from godly offspring. God ends up with one conclusion...
" 'I hate divorce,' says the Lord God of Israel..." (Malachi 2:16).

There are a lot of things that God hates that are happening in our world today. Divorce is just one of them. We do not live in a perfect world, and the sad fact is that a lot of people are going to continue making wrong choices of a life partner, be self-centered, selfish, violent, unfaithful and not ready to make sacrifices.

Behind every broken marriage is a fierce battle that was lost in the spirit realm. Many people do not realize that from the moment that they say, "I do," a raging battling starts whose sole objective is the break-up of their marriage.

The Bible warns us that our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Pet. 5:8). We are told not to be a passive onlooker but to "Resist him..." (verse 9).

We should realize that when we have problems in our marriage, we are not fighting against our spouse (flesh and blood), but "...Against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).

The increasing rate of divorce is a clear manifestation that Satan is effective in his vile scheme to destroy the first institution that God ever created. We do not see godly offspring coming out of broken homes. The results on the contrary are young people without role models, and without hope. Involvement in illicit- sex, drugs, alcohol and violence is a natural outcome of Satan's diabolical scheme.

To understand the intensity of the fierce battle against marriage, we need to see it against the backdrop of a fierce and angry devil. To destroy the society, he has to destroy marriages. Every individual on this earth has come out of the union of a man and a woman. Whether they are married or not, they have formed a nuclear family (father, mother and child). Thus we are all products of how that nuclear family related to each other for good or for evil and how it has influenced us.

A warning has come to the inhabitants of the earth.
"Therefore rejoice you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short" (Revelation 12:12).

Because Satan knows that his time is short, he has to adopt smart and effective wiles and schemes - schemes that will bring the greatest results within the shortest time. What better scheme is there than to destroy marriage?

Whether you are single, happily married, unhappily married, divorced or planning to divorce, my prayer is that the next step you take will be towards the kind of marriage that God intended for you. Marriage is His idea and only He has the blueprint for how it works.

Original article

How to Save Your Marriage and Empower Yourself, Too

What? Dr. Deb, do you really think my relationship can be improved?

You find that hard. It's hard to see room for improvement when you've been confronted with quite the opposite for years and years. How can you see potential, for example, when your wife comes down to breakfast looking like she just doesn't care about how she looks? How can you see potential in your husband who has nothing positive to say to you?

So here is a thought: If you were to change your own attitude, could you get different results? Changing how you think about your loved ones can have a powerful effect on their behavior. And that can save the marriage.

Let's do my Benefit of the Doubt exercise for the first scenario. The way the B.O.D. goes, you have to come up with five reasonable reasons why the person did the thing they did. Here are possible reasons why your wife doesn't take care of herself any more:

1. I have not remembered our anniversary or her birthday this year; I have not given her even a Valentine's Day card, so she looks like someone who feels unloved.

2. I criticize from morning till night so she figures, "Why bother? Nothing works."

3. I tend not to look in her eyes when she is talking. In fact, when she's talking, my mind wanders off, so of course, I don't really know what she's saying. She has to conclude that I don't care, so why should she?

4. We have not hugged in months, let alone kissed, so she's got to conclude that I don't care: Again-so why should she?

5. My wife is grieving over her mother's death which she just can't get over. I guess I don't get that because I didn't have such a good relationship with my own mother. Maybe I don't come across as sympathetic enough.

See how it works? You have to step into your spouse's shoes to see the world from her point of view. When you do that, you realize that maybe you can make positive changes which will encourage the right changes in your wife and that has the power to turn the relationship around. That's impressive!

Now, consider the husband who is always criticizing you. How can you see potential in him?

Even though his negativity is the habit of a lifetime, you can give him the B.O.D., too. Here is an example to start your list:

1. He grew up in a negative home where he never learned to think or speak positively so he feels depressed all the time and his criticism is just a symptom of that. He needs to learn how to see the world in a better light.

Now, you try to find four more.

As you can see, this wife must tap into inner strength to recognize that this criticizing husband of hers needs help. Instead of feeling like a victim, she can encourage him to make some changes. Having empowered herself by doing the B.O.D., she will recognize that the problem is his, not hers and once she stops being hurt and frustrated with him, the marriage will improve automatically. She might also encourage him to read a self-help book or seek counseling which will raise the odds of success even more.

Use the B.O.D exercise to help you see the potential in the people you love and you will be surprised how powerful that is in improving your relationship.

Heal and transform your marriage into one of friendship, love, trust, respect, and passion. Go to my website, http://drdeb.com/ for a free e-book and much more. I want you to be happy.
"DrDeb"
Dr. Deb Schwarz Hirschhorn, Ph.D.
646-54-DRDEB

Original article

The Importance of Nikahnama in Muslim Matrimony

Muslim Matrimony in India follows the Islamic rules and traditions. The Indian Muslims, 'Shia' and 'Sunni' groups have some common marriage ceremonies. Most of the Muslim weddings in India have ceremonies lasting for three days. The wedding involves dancing and singing, besides serious rituals. A traditional Muslim Wedding in India involves many pre and post wedding rituals.

The Muslim wedding customs in India before the wedding day include Mehendi ceremony or the Henna ceremony. This ceremony is organized at the bride's house on the eve of the wedding. In some cases, the bride's family organizes this ceremony two-three days prior to the wedding day. In this ceremony mostly the female family members attend. Relatives and friends apply a paste of turmeric on the bride's skin for a glowing complexion. A professional mehendi artist or a relative of the bride draws beautiful henna pattern on the hands and feet. This ceremony is a fun-filled one with women singing traditional songs and young girls dancing. After this ceremony, the bride is expected to not leave the house until the wedding day.

The Indian Muslim Matrimony includes a marriage procession by the groom's side, known as 'Baraat'. The Baraat that includes the groom and family members of the groom leaves for the bride's house on the evening of the wedding day. On the arrival of the groom at the wedding venue, the brother of the bride welcomes him with a glass of sherbet. The bride's sisters play pranks on the guests and hit them with flower-filled cudgels.

The Muslim wedding ceremony known as Nikah is officiated by Muslim priest called Maulvi or Qazi. The father of the bride and groom are important participants in the Nikaah and are known as 'Walis'. In traditional Muslim matrimony, the women and men sit separately divided by a curtain. The priest or the maulvi recites verses from the Islamic holy book 'Quran'. This is followed by the customary ceremony Ijab-e-Qubul, which is the proposal by the groom and acceptance by the bride. This mutual consent by the groom and bride is a very important part of the Muslim wedding. Another important aspect of the Nikaah is the marriage contract signing or the 'Nikahnama'. To make the marriage legal, signing the contract is must for the groom and the bride. It also requires the signature of the 'walis' in presence of the maulvi. The contract also mentions the amount of 'mehr' or dowry, which is from the groom's family to the bride. In the end of the 'Nikaah', the bride receives gifts like garments, money and gold jewelries. The newlywed gets blessings from guests and family members.

Post wedding ceremonies of the Muslim matrimony also have significant rituals. The Rukshat is the farewell ceremony of the bride. The bride's father gives the bride's hands to the groom and asks him to take care and protect her at all times. A tearful farewell by the bride's mother and relatives marks this ceremony. The bride is welcomed in her new family by the mother-in-law. The Holy book 'quran' is held above the head of the bride as she steps in the new house. On the fourth day after the wedding, the bride visits her parent's house. This ritual is called the Chauthi.

Food is an important part of any Muslim Matrimony. After the wedding, the bride's side organizes a grand feast for the groom's side and guests. Lavish spreads of traditional recipes are served. Vegetarian and non-vegetarian food is cooked and men and women dine separately. The groom's side also organizes a reception, known as Valimah. This is a joyous occasion where relatives, friends and bride's side attend the function.

Shipra Sinha writes on behalf of Jeevansathi.com, which is India's fastest growing Matrimonial website. Jeevansathi.com enables users to create and search corresponding matches for their respective profiles like Muslim Matrimony, Sunni Matrimonial wherein users can avail free registration and make initial contact with each other.

Original article

Wives Submit to Your Husband - Are You Kidding Me?

I received a question the other day where a young wife asked me if she had to submit to her husband and she also asked "What do you do when both of you have strong personalities?" Good questions. First of all roles must be clearly defined. When roles are clearly defined it doesn't matter who has a strong personality or not. If you have two people that want their relationship to work each person is responsible for how they treat the other one.

In my case, I am very strong. I have to watch my tone, posture, etc. because as the wife in the relationship certain roles and behavioral expectations are clearly defined in the Bible.

One of the roles thrown around for thousands of years is that of being a submissive wife. Oh my God, how I struggled with that in the early years of our marriage. I just didn't feel my husband should tell me what to do. So we struggled. In the early years neither of us had a clear understanding of what true submission really meant. With two strong personalities and an unsubmissive wife, you have a recipe for disaster!

I remember hearing a message by Dr. Tony Evans in Dallas, Texas where he defined submission. I am sure his explanation was very eloquent and biblically sounding but what I remember most is the word "duck". He said submission means to duck. To get out of the way and let God get 'em. In other words, if your husband doesn't treat you right, just duck and God will get him. LOL! That simple explanation kept me sane for years.

As I began to mature and to seek a greater revelation and closer walk with both God and my husband, I learned that it simply means: To get with the mission. To get on one accord. To be like-minded if you will. In fact, although there is a lot of attention paid to the "wives submit" portion of the scripture, there is a scripture right above it Ephesians 5:21 that instructs both partners to mutually submit, so that means we BOTH have to get with the program. Ah,yes we serve a just God. :)

Both my husband and I work on mutual submission which means we both must strive to be one and to agree. I do understand however, that if a final decision has to made that the responsibility rests upon my husband which means I must on purpose submit and thank God most of the time I do. I haven't conquered this area totally but I am a whole lot better.

When I think about, I believe I struggled in this area because I have seen so many men abuse this privilege of having a submitted woman. I often saw it as unfair and weak. Now I understand that submission is really a privilege. It allows us to rest in the promises of God and to trust that He will take care of what concerns us as a wife. (and/or husband) In the case of mutual submission.

So do you have to submit? I say yes if you want peace in your home and yes if you want God to be pleased. Just understand what it really means to submit and take one day at a time. You may mess up sometimes, I do. (It's called human). But keep working on it. When you are determined to do right it seems that somehow, someway things always work out just fine.

Tracie Davis is the author of "Make It Last Forever- How to Get Married & Stay Married" where she offers practical advice to keep your marriage strong and thriving. She deals with all types of issues that newly weds and seasoned couples deal with everyday. Go to http://www.makeitlast4ever.info/ for more information and to get a copy of this incredible book and discover how you can make your marriage last forever.

Original article

Free Couples Couseling - Learning How to Communicate Effectively!

Free Couples Counseling is something that my husband offer to the members or our church and any one in the community that really needs help. We want to see marriages succeed and by sharing our stories we believe that couples can make it if they implement what we teach.

A free couples counseling tip I would like to share today is in the area of communication. Boy I tell you I don't care how long you have been married you can never let up or get slack in this area. A few weeks ago my husband and I had an episode where I was offended by his tone and we really didn't communicate about it for a few days. When I think about it, it was absolutely ridiculous. We were at church and I walked by his office and there was this hug trash can, (I am not exaggerating) outside of his door. His office door is not far from the foyer where guests come in and I am very conscious about first impressions. So I said, "Who put this big ol' ugly trash can up here?" Lol! Yep that's me. Well I didn't know my husband had done it and he didn't like my tone and answered me rather abruptly. I didn't like how he answered me so I decided to speak to him only as necessary. Notice I said I decided. My foolishness was a decision.

Well after I had cooled off, I tried to converse with my husband but by now he was frustrated and didn't want to speak to me. Well this went on for about 2 1/2 days. We answered one another with just one word answers. Crazy right? I will answer for you. YEP! Lol.

Well anyway, I called him on day 2 1/2 and our conversation didn't go well. He was still heated and so was I.

When we finally settled down later that evening, we were able to get to the bottom of the situation. He didn't like the way I addressed him and I didn't like the way he just does things without consulting me. I explained to him that I am his partner and somethings I feel as though I am just a side kick. Petty? Maybe but it was my truth and I needed to communicate that to him.

He explained to me that he didn't like my tone. The bottom line was he felt that I disrespected him. We both apologized, Acknowledged one another's feelings and worked to make sure that both of our issues were addressed and we discussed ways to make sure there was mutual respect, appreciation, and proper communication.

So to recap: Here is what you can learn from this episode:

1. Communicate how you really feel.
2. Don't wait so long to share what's really going on.
3. Watch your tone. It can take you down a road you don't want to travel
4. Mutual respect is always an ingredient that never loses its flavor.

Here's to a better relationship with you and your spouse.

For more information and free couples counseling and tips get your copy of Make It Last Forever- How to Get Married & Stay Married! Visit the resource box below.

To discover how to make your marriage strong and virtually bullet proof visit http://www.makeitlast4ever.info/ and get free couples counseling and other valuable tips from Pastor Tracie Davis. Married for over 22 years her new book "Make It Last Forever- How To Get Married & Stay Married is just what the Doctor ordered. Pastor Tracie candidly shows you how to have a wonderful and fulfilling marriage.

Original article

Manglik Dosha: An Analysis

The Manglik Dosha is among the most dreaded astrological conditions in Vedic astrology because of the common belief that marrying someone who is affected by this condition is deemed to early death for oneself or for his or her spouse. Typically, one is considered to be under the affect of this condition when the planet mars in located in the first, second, fourth, seventh, eight and twelfth house of the natal ascendant or moon at the time of birth.

Truly Understanding the Condition

Modern day astrologers are now also including these positions from the perspective of the planet Venus. If you take these factors into considerations, you won't be surprised to realize that over 80% of the world's population fall under the category of being Manglik. You will believe it yourself if you do not have a clear under-standing of this condition, how it occurs and the actual impact it has on the person under the condition and his or her spouse.

Influencing Factors

The fact of the matter is that the said position of planet Mars in a chart does not alone make a person a Manglik. There are special cases such as where Mars becomes a functional malefic in the natal charts, that is, in the Virgo, Scorpio and Taurus ascendant charts that it is likely to create the condition in the case where the position of Mars is exactly in the center of the house and the Lord of the house where the planet is placed is not strong enough.

Exceptions to the Condition

Though there is hardly any exception to this planetary combination, it is said that the trinel close aspects of a functional Jupiter and the third aspect of a functional benefit Saturn have the capabilities to largely block out the negative energies generated by the planet Mars.

Understanding the Possible Impacts of the Planet Mars

Vedic astrology helps you to gain a systematic overview of the functional aspects of planets, their impact on the lives of people, influencing factors and ways to ward of negative consequences. Many people today are not too confident about their belief in this science because of the lack of clarity and understanding of the subject as well as because of modern day astrologers who lack the necessary comprehensive understanding of the subject to provide appropriate advice. This is also due to the time gap that is present between the time the science was created vis-à-vis the time it was recorded.

Approaching an Experienced Astrologer

Being erroneously diagnosed as a Manglik or non-Manglik can have devastating results both ways. It could lead to a lot of stress between both families that intend to bind in matrimony, as well as create stress for the bride and groom for no particular valid reason. It is important that you visit an astrologer who is known to possess ultimate knowledge about the science of Vedic astrology. You can find yourself a qualified astrologer by asking people you trust or finding someone who has a positive track record in the subject.

Anis Ahmed writes on behalf of Manglik which is fastest growing Matrimony website in India. This website also provides online matrimonial services for a person having a Manglik Dosha.

Original article

Getting a Handle on Anger

"People with repressed anger are like pressure cookers. If a pressure cooker doesn't have an outlet to let off steam, it eventually explodes, and the food that was inside ends up all over the place. You have to let the cooker cool down, run it under cool water and then gently release the pressure." ~ Mack and Brenda Timberlake

Can you recall a time when you got angry and it felt like something began to take over you? After becoming angry, you probably did one of three things: You blew up and said things that you shouldn't, you bottled it up inside of you or found a way to recover.

As spouses it is imperative that we learn how to channel anger. We must find an outlet to rid ourselves of steam or negative emotions before an explosion take place. Some people take a walk, some pray, some go for a jog and others may engage in a favorite pastime. Whatever it is, find something that works for you. Personally, I have multiple channels which include solitude. This will work only if you are able to discontinue it in a decent amount of time; you should not go off alone for an extended period of time. It can send mix messages to your spouse and cause things to become worse.

After diffusing, you are then in a better position to resolve or at least discuss the issue without "hitting below the belt" or saying things that are harmful as they say in boxing. Many times I have said things that I not only regretted but that I couldn't take back. I've heard people say "Ahhh I'm sorry honey, I take back what I said about your mother". [Just a little in-law humor] The reality is, once words are released into the atmosphere you cannot retrieve them.

Unfortunately in some cases some hostile environments can lead to abuse, infidelity, or even death. However, if we choose to govern the choices we make then we can produce safer and more productive outcomes.

The Bible tells us to "pursue peace." Hebrews 12:14-15 It is vital that we make a sure effort to keep a peaceful lifestyle. Why? Everything opposite of peace is destructive to others as well as ourselves. For example, stress causes harmful toxins to be released into your body that negatively affects your health. I remember getting upset and because I wasn't focused on my surroundings, I accidentally hit my foot against a piece of hard metal. I don't believe God placed that metal there to teach me a lesson but I do believe that He used the pain to get my attention.

What about you? How do you devoid yourself of anger?

Find more inspiring and informing articles from Saleena here:

http://www.marriagelounge.blogspot.com/

Original article

Missing Sex? How to Get Your Husband to Practically Beg You to Have Sex With Him

Did you ever miss sex in the beginning of your relationship? Probably not, huh? Are things completely different now? After years of seeing each other every day, are you now able to count the amount of times you have sex every month on one hand? Don't worry. Most women miss sex in their marriage at some point, but the good news is that you can turn things around and bring the fire back with the tips below.

If you are worried about the chances of your husband cheating on you or leaving you because your relationship is missing sex, stop worrying. You need to realize that men don't just lose their libido out of nowhere. In other words, they don't just wake up without any passion left in their guts for you. It is true that sex diminishes from every marriage on a gradual basis, but it is possible to bring back the excitement of it again if you know what to do. Read on.

Avoid monotony in your marriage.

Although habit might feel nice and familiar, it isn't necessarily a welcome thing when it comes to romance - remember that. In fact, this could easily lead to boredom and your husband might end up looking for some excitement elsewhere. So, try to do something creative every once in a while. If you always sleep in cotton pajamas, for example, slip into something seductive for a change. If he has a busy schedule to follow, visit him at work and give him a nice "break" from it. Now, this doesn't mean that you have to go to extremes all the time to turn the heat up in your marriage, though. Even the smallest things can pave the way to unforgettable bliss in no time.

Focus on emotional intimacy, as well.

Even if your man seems like the strong type, he definitely still has a soft spot somewhere inside of him that craves for understanding. A lot of the time, when the communication lines start to dwindle in a relationship, the physical intimacy will follow next, so try to never leave any arguments unresolved. Fix them by talking about them instead. Most couples who are content in their relationships and lead healthy sex lives always talk about things and never hold anything back.

Feed your man's ego.

Regardless of how long you have been together, your man will still need you to feed his ego every now and then. In fact, marriages that lack sexual drive sometimes happen because the couple involved stops appreciating one another. So, even if it is just a haircut, do not forget to tell your husband that he looks hot. As long as you remind him how much you desire him, you will never have to worry about him cheating on you - remember that.

Put some effort into how you look.

Now, this doesn't mean that you have to swipe your credit cards ten times just to pay for regular facial treatments or anything. Your husband won't care about what brand you wear, but he will appreciate the fact that you made an effort to look great for him. Even just putting on some sweet-smelling lotion should be enough to make him want you again.

By following the steps above, you'll be enjoying irresistible nights once again and won't be missing sex in your marriage anymore. Congratulations!

To find out more about how to get male attention, click Understand Men. You'll learn all the secrets to make a man Fall in Love with you.

Carol Reece is a dating and relationship expert. Her passion is to write informative articles for women who want to improve their love lives. Visit her site for more information.

Original article

Marriage Help: How To Prevent A Marriage Crisis

During a marriage crisis, life gets turned upside down and pulled apart, often in frightening and distressing ways. Like a volcanic eruption, tensions and pressures have accumulated that can no longer be contained by feelings of love or the motivation to "stick it out." The crisis often peaks when one spouse/partner decides the emotional pain is too great and seriously questions whether or not to stay in the marriage.

Unfortunately, many couples seek marriage or relationship help only after their relationship is in a full-blown crisis-sadly, some of these marriages won't survive. It's important to remember that a marriage crisis doesn't typically arise out of thin air. Couples who end up in crisis too often ignore or minimize the warning signs that a marriage crisis was in the making.

Understanding the warning signs can help you derail a potential marriage crisis.

Relationship Help: Heading Off a Marriage/Relationship Crisis

There are two basic ways a marital crisis emerges:

1. The distressed or dissatisfied spouse remains silent (for whatever reason) about his/her concerns and ends up acting out his/her dissatisfaction in subtle ways (for example, throwing him/herself into projects to keep busy) or dramatic ways (having an affair; deciding to end the relationship).

Or

2. The unhappy spouse does communicate his/her dissatisfaction, but this information is ignored or minimized by the other person. In my marriage/couples counseling practice, I see this dynamic play out as follows:

A wife has been telling her husband that she feels ignored and lonely, and the husband initially addresses his wife's concerns in a focused way. After some time passes, however, the husband starts to act as if everything is fine (even though his wife is not behaving that way), and he puts little effort into addressing the issue-in this scenario the husband remains oblivious (or unmoved) by his wife's continued communications and cues of dissatisfaction. It is only after he receives the message that the marriage is in serious jeopardy (crisis) that he finally understands how real the problem is and then tries to mobilize himself to meet his wife's needs.

So what steers a once healthy marriage into the abyss of a crisis?

Prior to the marriage crisis, the status quo of the relationship stops working for one or maybe even both parties-in other words, someone's needs are no longer being met in the relationship. When a marriage stops meeting your needs, it's essential that these issues do not go underground.

Relationship truism: Marriage problems that are not openly addressed germinate and breed in the unspoken-soil of a relationship. The ignorance-is-bliss approach to fixing a marriage is like ignoring the steam billowing from the hood of an overheating car-pretending it doesn't exist may give you temporary comfort, but this approach will only make things worse in the long-run.

A message to the spouse who is unhappy with the status quo of the marriage:

Prior to the full-blown crisis, you may feel that some kind of change is needed, while your spouse might feel content to leave life exactly as it is. When this is the case, it is up to you (the distressed/unhappy spouse) to communicate your dissatisfaction directly, respectfully and clearly (please do not assume your spouse will grasp the gravity of your concerns because you give off subtle cues or quiet rumblings that something isn't working for you).

The responsibility for communicating what you need lies on your shoulders-even if this may be upsetting to your spouse.

A message to the spouse who is happy with the status quo of the marriage:

I've seen this very preventable pattern too many times: The spouse who feels everything is fine minimizes or ignores messages of discontent from his/her spouse. As one wife shared, "I told him over and over again that I'm lonely and want to spend more intimate time together. He never tried, and we just grew apart. And now that I'm ready to end the marriage, he's acting like this is the first time he's hearing me say I'm unhappy..."

How did her husband respond to this information? "Hey, she stopped complaining, so I figured we were good..."

The responsibility for really listening to and hearing why your spouse is unhappy in the marriage lies on your shoulders. It's dangerous (and selfish) to assume your spouse is "crying wolf" and will be fine without your help.

The apparent calm after the crisis

There are two reasons an unhappy spouse stops talking (or complaining) about her/his unhappiness: a) It feels like his/her complaints are being taken seriously and addressed (the issues are being resolved); or, b) It feels like his/her complaints are being ignored and a sense of hopelessness is setting in (the spouse is giving up all hope that positive change is possible).

If a marital crisis goes unresolved, the chances of someone giving up on the marriage increases dramatically. Quietness (or apparent calm) in this case isn't a good sign. The quiet and apparent calm after a period of unresolved turbulence may be an indication that your spouse has disengaged from the relationship-a disengaged spouse may see no good options except to leave the marriage.

Remember that it is much better to prevent a crisis than try to wrestle with a crisis that has already insinuated itself into your relationship. By being clear with your partner about your own needs, and by remaining open, attentive, non-judgmental, and actively invested in your partner's needs, you'll be setting your marriage on a preventative, healthy track where minor problems can be addressed before they morph into unmanageable crises.

Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship blogger with extensive experience teaching couples how to create more fulfilling marriages/relationships. Click Relationship Help to read Dr. Nicastro's latest blog posts and to access his free bonus reports.

And to discover cutting-edge relationship tools, don't forget to check out the special Marriage Enrichment workbook offer!

Original article

How Marriage Can Help Prevent Crime

You've heard many stories before of married couples involved in different types of crimes. These include physical abuse, grave threats as well as murder. Often, these crimes are committed when one of the spouses can no longer control his or her pent-up emotions usually during a heated argument.

Among single young adults, crimes are also common. As they're still not involved in a serious relationship such as marriage, many are not afraid to commit offenses.

A new research, however, has found that marriage can contribute to reducing crime and self-control has a lot to do with it. With marriage, the study showed that people have a greater chance of developing more self control. The researchers from Monash University and Florida State University came up with these findings after looking into the changes in the respondents' marital status, marijuana use and self control. They analyzed the 1997 National Longitudinal Survey of Youth which covered adolescents and young adults in the U.S.

A positive result when those who used marijuana got married was they discontinued their habit. The change was attributed to an improvement in the person's self control. The authors of the study added that people are not likely to commit offenses when they take steps to avoid risks and control their impulses.

According to experts in the field of criminology, married people normally refrain from committing crimes as they feel they are worried about how their spouses will react. Another possible reason could that they feel they have more to lose if they do something illegal.

It's been also found that people who have tied the knot often stay away or spend less time in situations that can lead to a crime. In addition, they avoid friends and people who could influence them to commit crimes.

With these findings, the researchers pointed out that maturity is another contributing factor to people's change in behavior. As individuals mature, they often want to do the right things. And when they get married, they have greater self control compared to when they're not.

The reason why people, particularly those who had criminal records in the past, tend to stay away from trouble when they're older and married is due to the fact that they are already aware of the new standards of behavior. As such, they make it a point to adhere to those standards as much as possible.

Married couples normally share their views and emotions with each other. This then leads them to personally assess their behavior and where they failed, they eventually try to make up for it. And so they no longer become impulsive but rather are better able to control their emotions and actions and do their best to do only what is right in the eyes of their partner and other people.

Marriage indeed can make people improve themselves moving forward. And this is especially true if the marital foundation is strong and couples are satisfied with their relationship. When the husband and wife involved have better self-control, they influence each other and their children as well.

For helpful tips and information on marriage and family, visit TheMarriageCounselingBlog.com.

Original article

Six Ways To Avoid Pitfall In Marriage and Save It

For most people, marriage is the greatest thing that ever happened to them. It's like a fairy tale come true, coupled with the ever famous "And they lived happily ever after" line. But, what most people do not understand is that marriage is the most difficult partnership ever conceived. If the couples do not have the knowledge of a married life, they going to have a tough time. Both partners need to understand that they are in a new world; it's so different when they were single. However all is not lost. There are ways to avoid the pitfalls and the land mines of a married life. Some of the ways to save marriage will be discussed as follows:

Create happiness - being happy is one of the most important factor to survive the relationship and have a successful marriage. Happiness is the key to make sure your marriage work. It is not that your marriage must work first then only you'll be happy, it's the other way round. To avoid a sad ending to your "happily ever after" story, you need to learn to create happiness in your marriage. Some insight - you need to make your spouse happy before you think about your own happiness. When your spouse is happy, you'll be happy. What you give you get back, happiness is created.

Cut the apron string - Getting along with the in-laws is considered by many as the biggest problems during married life. However understand that this shouldn't be a problem at all. For marriage to work out, you should establish boundaries if you're having in-law problems. There are a few essentials that you need to learn such as be assertive, get some privacy, give them respect, and to detach.

Learn to listen - How many times you heard your spouse said, "You're not listening?" Hear and listen is not the same. "A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him" - Brendan Francis. If you are a woman and having marital problem with your husband, I guess you get something from this quotation? Getting married means being open to your partner, and being open means being able to talk and listen to him/her about anything under the sun. Learn to lend your ears to your partner.

What you give you get - most people are used to living a single life where all they think about is their self. This probably the reason why when they got married, they tend to become selfish and think only about themselves. If this is taken for granted, it could cause the downfall of a marriage. Another saying, "Do onto your partner what you want your partner to do upon you."

Saying you're sorry isn't enough - Disagreeing is inevitable, especially in a marriage. You should understand this, there's no such thing as "the perfect couple". How you deal with the disagreeing would make a huge difference in your relationship. You both should learn how to communicate effectively to state your side of argument. Do not talk at the same time, give time for your partner to say what he/she need to say, and listen to him/her. Be humble enough to admit your mistake, ask for forgiveness and be sincere about it, don't do lip service. Most of the time, both side should ask for forgiveness from each other, especially when both of you snapped out of anger and acted inappropriately. You also need to learn how to forgive; it's another most important thing in married life. Learning to forgive and learning to trust are two different things.

Have fun - In the early part of married life, couples usually very happy. They go on vacation trips and engaging in leisure activities. But after some time they become engrossed with their individual jobs, and also fulfilling their responsibilities in the family. Nothing wrong in that, but you should understand that you need balance in your lives. No one is too old to play and have fun.

There you have it. If you practice the six ways to save marriage as discussed above, it will help you heal a marriage in trouble.

Wan Ibrahim write on marriage and relationship in his blog at http://savemarriagesite.com/. Grab more on "Ways to Save Marriage" for free at http://savemarriagehowto.com/waystosavemarriage/ now.

Original article

Make Your Husband Feel Special - How to Show Him That You Love Him

Do you feel that your husband needs some special attention? Are you well into married life and you believe your husband is distancing himself from you? Do you believe he may not remember how important he is to you? You are not the only woman to feel this way. Many wives feel similarly after a decade or so of marriage.

If you wish to have a successful marriage, you must put in some additional effort to keep the romance happening. As a wife, you should take the initiative and demonstrate to your husband the extent to which you love him. Make every effort to keep up the connection between the two of you. This can be hard to do when you both lead busy lives.

There are some basic things you can do to demonstrate your love and make him realise that each day is very special. Your marriage is not just the wedding. Here are some areas you can focus on:

1. Communicate

Talk to him about the things that happen to you. Let him know your goals, beliefs and concerns. Ask him his opinions for his advice now and then. This will demonstrate to him that he really is your partner, and that you are always able to rely on one another.

2. Little gift

Give him a surprise gift for no reason. Get him the latest issue of his favourite magazine. Buy him his all-time favourite movie on DVD. Make him his favourite dinner. You can this without having to use a lot of money - it's the thought that counts.

3. Love him for him

Make your husband feel important and unique by loving him for the man he is. Accept his faults as well as his charms. Don't attempt to make him into someone he is not.

4. Give him compliments

As your relationship develops, there are basic things that wives often forget to do. Husbands enjoying hearing their wives give them compliments. As a great wife, make your husband feel unique by emphasizing his strong points. No matter what, ensure that he is aware that you appreciate him.

These are basic things you can do to demonstrate your love to your husband and keep your marriage strong. Keeping the love alive through a long marriage is of great importance. If you know how to make your husband feel unique and valued, you are on the road to a happy and healthy partnership.

To find out more about how to get male attention, click Understand Men. You'll learn all the secrets to make a man Fall in Love with you.

Janice Evans is a dating and relationship expert. Her passion is to write informative articles for women who want to improve their love lives. Visit her site for more information.

Original article

How to Save Your Marriage After Cheating - Stop Worrying And Start Doing Something About It!

Cheating is something that can easily wreck havoc on your entire family. It is not something that only affects you and your spouse. Even your children are affected even though they are not aware of the cheating.

If you are the one who has cheated, now is not the time to blame yourself. Blaming yourself is not going to help the situation. Just make sure that you learn from your mistake and don't make he same mistake again.

For now, the most important thing you should focus on is how to save your marriage and mend the broken relationship.

Are You Willing to Do Whatever It Takes To Save Your Marriage?

Let's face it. It is not going to be easy. You probably think it is impossible to save your marriage after cheating. But for the sake of your family, you need to be willing to face the challenge.

In other words, stop worrying and start doing something about it!

The very first thing you should be doing is to try and get your spouse to forgive you. You are probably not going to succeed initially but with a little bit of patience, determination and sincerity, it is possible.

Your Children Are a Lot Smarter Than You Think

Unless your children are still babies, they probably know that something is wrong with the family. Children can be very intuitive and they are a lot smarter than you think. Even though they may not know exactly what has happened, they know that something is not right.

Because of that, they are probably going to be affected emotionally. So, it is your responsibility as a parent to comfort them and let them know that everything is going to be alright.

The key here is to protect your children from worrying too much.

Spend More Time With Your Family

To show that you are really serious about saving the marriage, you should start spending more time with the family. Your spouse is probably going to ignore you for the time being but the children will welcome your presence.

Most probably, you have not been spending enough time with your family while you were cheating. So, now is the time to make amends and show your spouse that the family is the most important thing to you and you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. When your spouse sees the positive changes in you, he/she will be more willing to forgive you.

If you are really serious about saving your marriage after cheating, you need to make sure that you are doing the right things.

Here is a step by step plan that shows you exactly what you need to do in order to save your relationship before it is too late.

Original article

How to Handle a Spouse Who Is Very Controlling

You most probably woke up suddenly to the harsh reality that your spouse is very controlling. In the dating phase and even in the early years of your marriage you were probably not keenly aware of how controlling your spouse really is as you thought that they were simply very self assured and confident. This is the reality of the saying 'love is blind' as your view of their bad traits or faults is minimized or distorted to be a good thing by the tinted glasses of new love that you wore. And like one waking up to a bad dream you have come to the scary realization that your spouse is very cont trolling but you really love them and do not want to leave them but how do you stay with them without losing yourself or resenting them?

Is he really controlling or are you super sensitive? Take time alone and analyze whether your partner is really very controlling or if your perspective of him is jaded? Who are you comparing him to when you say that he is controlling? Define what you mean when you say that your partner is controlling. Is it that he has strong opinions or that he wants you ALWAYS to do what he wants? A controlling partner is one who treats you like a child that must be herded and guided in the right direction. This will be a partner who dismisses your opinion and believes that the only way to do things is his way and so he constantly tears down your opinions in a bid to get you to do ONLY what he wants. Is this is your situation? If it is then he really is controlling and you must now buckle down so that you can survive him.

Take a step back and look at your situation critically. You are very close to the situation and you need to take a step back and analyze what is really going on between you and your partner. To handle a spouse who is very controlling you need to understand your spouse's motives or fears. How does his controlling behavior manifest? In which situations does it occur and how does it progress? Has he always been controlling or is it a recent phenomenon? Most controlling behavior is driven by fear and you need to step back so that you can understand the fear that drives your partner. If you can get an understanding of what is really going on then you will be better equipped to handle the situation. If you understand what his fears are then you will be able to find ways to minimize those fears so that they don't always come to the forefront and make him retreat into controlling behavior.

Can you stand up for yourself consistently? Can you hold your own with him in the issues that are important to you? He may be controlling but you do not have to agree to be controlled. One way to handle a controlling spouse is by being strong in your convictions and refusing to budge on the issues that are critical to you. Just because he is controlling does not mean that you have to give in to him but you need to deal with him with wisdom so that you do not aggravate the situation needlessly.

Choose your battles. To handle a controlling spouse you must choose your battles. Decide which issues are critical to you and which issues you don't care too much about. Peacefully and happily let him control those things that are really not critical to you as it's really not worth your emotional strength and happiness to fight the non-issues. And if he knows that he controls some things then he may more readily not fight you on your big issues.

Handling a spouse who is very controlling requires wisdom and strength of character so that you do not lose yourself in your partner or become bitter.

But if you think that your marriage maybe bad then gauge it against these signs of bad marriage to decide but if your spouse is so controlling that you just want out of the marriage then get your breakup blue print to help you overcome your fears and navigate the breakup with as little pain as possible.

Original article

What Are Your Trust Issues?

Why do so many women and men have trust issues. It's like it only takes one time for trust to be broken then it seems impossible to regain it. How does it get broken?
Is it because a partner was unfaithful to you? Did a family member break your trust?

Regardless of who it was this can lead to feelings of betrayal. I know most people have felt this way before and we vow to never allow ourselves to be hurt again.

Is there a way to overcome our trust issues? Can we learn to let that certain someone back into our hearts and rebuild that which was lost? I believe over time we can all learn to trust again but it does take some work. For those of you that have dealt with trust issues you're not alone we've all been down that road before and surely we will travel it again.

This article is about dealing with trust issues and how to overcome them. I have had to deal with my own trust issues and I still do today. Before you can learn to trust again you have to believe in yourself and realize it's not your fault that the one you care about is not always forthcoming with their honesty. we're only human and are bound to make mistakes, usually we do not mean to hurt the ones we care about but eventually it will happen.

Just remember that no matter how your trust was broken you can get past it, if you continue to allow the pain of mistrust to stay in your heart you could jeopardize other meaningful relationships. Just because you were hurt before doesn't always mean the next person will do the same. Open your heart slowly and just take a chance. That is sometimes easier said than done I know but if not you will become hardened to the world, and don't we have enough people in our society that way. If you turn on the news how many sad stories have you seen where couples have ended there relationship on bad terms. A lot of this could have been avoided if there was more communication between them and maybe even a little vulnerability. You don't have to naively give into everything a person says or does though. You have to find a way to get past the hurt and allow yourself to trust again but next time just be a little more cautious

Jeff Anderson is a proud contributing author and writes articles on several subjects including Trust Issues. You can keep up with with his other writings at Jeff's Blog

Original article

Everyone Says I'm Foolish, Crazy, And Naive For Waiting On My Husband To Come Back Home

I often hear from wives who are either separated or dealing with a situation in which their husband has left them. Many don't have specifics as to when or if he is coming back. But many are still hoping that one day soon, he is going to come back and work with them to save their marriage even though friends and family are often telling them that they are crazy or naive for doing so.

I recently heard from a wife who said: "my husband left me eight weeks ago. At first, he said he just needed time to think and clear his head and that he would be back within a couple of weeks. After a month, I still hadn't heard from him. But about two weeks after that, he called me out of the blue and told me that he needed a little more time. He often didn't return my calls and texts, but sometimes he did. And there would be times when he would ask me out on a date or would come over and we would get along wonderfully and reconnect. When these incidents happened, of course I got my hopes up and convinced myself that he would soon come back for good. But that never happened. Instead, he would pop in and out of my life. Sometimes he would tell me he still loved me and other times, he would say he still hadn't come to a decision. I miss him so much and I still love him. I still have hope that he will come back and we can save our marriage. But my friends and family tell me that I am a fool to feel this way and to continue to wait. They tell me that he is never coming back. Are they right? Am I fool to continue to wait for him to come back? If I'm being honest, I don't want any one but him. I have no interest in dating other people or in getting on with my life without him. So who is right?"

Boy, did this correspondence bring back memories. I was in the same situation. My husband and I were separated for months. He even hinted that he'd filed for divorce papers at one time. Everyone told me I was crazy not to move on with my life. And yet, I hung in there because that is what my heart was telling me to do. I knew that if I pretended everything was fine and went out on dates that I had no interest in, then the whole process would just be a fake disaster. I really had no interest in anything other than my own small group of friends, my job, my schooling, and my husband. People told me that I was a fool and that I would grow old and gray and lonely waiting for a man who was never going to come back. These words did hurt me, and if I am being honest now, I have to admit that I wondered if they might be right, but I decided that I was more comfortable living with my doubts and fears than forcing myself to do something that I really didn't want or was prepared to do.

Did this make me foolish? Or naive? Quite possibly. But I don't like to consider myself a fool. Yes, I was participating in wishful thinking. Yes, I lived with blinders on. But in the end, my husband did come back and we did save our marriage. Still, I think it's oversimplifying things to say that we saved our marriage because of my stubbornness. It took a lot of hard work and even some luck. But, if I had listened to every one and had given up, then we would not have had the opportunity to save our marriage.

And in this wife's situation, it was not like the husband was completely cutting himself off from the wife or giving her no hope. He was in regular contact and was encouraging at times. With this said, I felt that it was potentially important for the wife to begin to live her life. This didn't mean that she had to turn her back on her marriage or admit that it was over. Nothing said she had to date again. But there was no reason that she couldn't get out with friends or do other things that she might enjoy while she was waiting. And often, your living your life will actually help in your quest to get him home.

People often assume that the opposite is true but I rarely see that being the case. In my own situation, when I began putting myself out there and no longer waiting idly in my home to respond to my husband's every whim, he respected me more. And when I started traveling on my own to see friends and family, this is when he really became interested again. Let me make clear that although I was living my life, I was always clear in my own mind that I was going to give my marriage every chance and that I wasn't abandoning it. But I also knew that for my own health, I needed to stop holding my breath while I was waiting. In truth, I could wait but still live my life. And as soon as I made this decision, my husband was suddenly interested again. I'm not saying this is going to happen every time. Maybe I got lucky, but living your life will often make the waiting easier to bear.

To answer the question though, I don't think that waiting for your husband to come home makes you naive or foolish. I think it just makes you committed and maybe a little stubborn, but I don't see anything wrong with these attributes as long as you are remaining healthy and upbeat in other areas of your life.

As I alluded to, my husband left me and I stubbornly waited for him for much longer than my friends felt I should. But you know what? My waiting and my stubbornness contributed to my saving my marriage. I know that I was lucky. But I couldn't have been lucky if I had given up. If it helps, you can read the whole emotional story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

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