What Makes A Marriage Real?

What Is A Marriage?

I loved receiving this question as it's something that we may expect that we all understand but in truth maybe we actually don't.

So I started my research into answering this question by scrambling to the Macquarie Dictionary which defines marriage as "the legal union of a man and a woman for life including a legal or religious ceremony."

This definition really doesn't give us very much at all as marriage today in so many cultures, legally and through the various churches, is open to being dissolved on the wish of one or other of the parties. In most countries these divorces are even permitted without even having to prove that one party is in some way more at fault than the other.

So I thought that I should proceed in this article to discuss my thoughts on what marriage is and would welcome you to add your thoughts on the topic as well.

While marriage may relate to a legal process for me marriage is more about the commitment two people make to be there for each other come what may. I would also expand on the dictionary definition to include not just the communion of a man to a woman but also of either a man or a woman to another man or woman. In my view they are as much a marriage as any marriage could be.

The sad thing here is that too many people enter into a marriage without really knowing what they are getting themselves into or without going through any preparation to ensure that their marriage will go the distance.

When I work with couples contemplating marriage the first thing I get them to consider and discuss with each other is this very question: what is marriage to each of them? How do they define it and are they ok with how their partner defines it or does it need some tweaking to make it something that both of the couple can live with.

As most of you might know I am in a relationship and have been for more than 20 years. My partner and I are not married nevertheless I describe him as my husband and wear his ring. He also describes me as his wife. It actually took us some time to acknowledge each other in this way as we were assessing our future together especially as I had four young children already as part of the package.

One of the first things we discussed in terms of our marriage was about whether we would live together and where that would be. We then had many conversations about how we would manage my children and whether we would have any more children. We then had to decide on the division of responsibilities both in terms of household chores and financial contributions. Finally we had some conversations about ownership of property and what would happen in the event that either of us predeceased the other.

And while this was not an issue for us as we are both of the same religious beliefs, for many couples there is also the question of what their particular religious beliefs are and how they might impact on their relationship and/or to any children of the relationship.

So while some of these issues are still conversations in progress for my partner and myself, the underlying promise is that we will be there exclusively for each other for the rest of our lives. In this we committed to never walk out on the other and to always raise it whenever we had an issue that affected us both and/or our future together.

This is how I define my marriage for me. It is a safe place to collapse into at the end of each busy day where I can feel safe and not be judged negatively no matter what I do or think. It is a place where I feel loved unconditionally and love in the same way.

So until next time - Relate with Love

Lidy Seysener

About the Author

As a qualified Counselor, Lidy Seysener specializes in helping individuals and couples make the most of their lives and their relationships. She's been Counseling for more than twenty years and can also boast having been in an enduring relationship for as long.

For more information about me or what I do take a look at my newest website: http://www.acouplesjourney.com/ where you will find lots more information including quizzes and questionnaires. enter your details and you will get a free copy of my limited edition ebook titled 'Relationships - A Couples Journey'.

© 2010 Lidy Seysener - all rights reserved

Original article

Trust, Mutual Respect and Open Approach Are the Keys for Saving Your Marriage

Marriage is not just two persons of different species coming together and in the process developing an instant bond between them. It is a process in which two personalities joining together to live in harmony of family life. It is a new beginning were both wife and husband shed some of their, if not all, routines and habits as a bachelor. It is also where in the couple accommodating their best to have peace in the married life. If this is so why there are so many people, men as well as women, search ways for 'how to save my marriage?

In most of those people who frantically search, the answer is elusive to them because they search elsewhere for a solution rather than looking at themselves for the root causes. Let us look into some of the ways to keep your married life in peace and harmony.

No Dominance Please: the era of male dominating the female was during the time of early man who lived in the caves. When nowadays woman is shouldering responsibility by working for financial support and at the same time look after the basic household chores, she has to be treated in a level field. And this will create a cordial atmosphere in the family life.

Do Not Compare: the moment a man or woman walking into your life, the life as a bachelor ENDS. You no longer have the same freedom like what you enjoyed in your bachelor life. There are new responsibilities in the family life. You cannot just take the key of your vehicle and rush out of the house when a friend is hosting a 'flash' party. Your outings and parties are now planned well so that both of you can make a presence.

Start Afresh: From the very moment of you taking hands of your spouse and enter the married life, the life of the past is just that, PAST. The affairs, lover and anything that may affect your marriage are a thing of past and take measure to ensure that they don't surface again. The best place to keep the love letters and memoirs of a failed love affair is between two burning logs. Start your life afresh from the day of your marriage.

Mutual Respect: Just because you are married it doesn't give you the right for satisfying your sexual appetite when you wish. No doubt, sex is an integral part of married life, but that is when it is gentle and with the mutual consent. By respecting other person's feelings in the matter of sex help a lot for harmony in married life.

Trust: Do not allow, at any point of time in your married life, doubt to creep into your mind about your spouse. The very moment when you allow that to happen, you will view everything with a suspicious mind which is not good between a husband and wife. Discuss things in open which will strengthen the mutual trust.

Fight Issues, not the Person behind it: When there is a situation when your view about an issue is different from your spouse (there will be a lot of them, believe me), discuss to sort out the same. Do not the fight it out comparing it with earlier occasions. Just discuss and arrive at a best possible solution of the situation, and do that on the same day. Do not go to sleep with an issue still to be solved.

A married life is not always full of flowers alone, time to time there may be a thorn surfacing to test your mutual trust. Your ability to take out them and go ahead with renewed trust is the answer for your search of 'how to save my marriage'.

Blake Johnson is a writer you spealizes in family counsuling. See more of his work at Save my marriage today review and also at How to save my marriage.

Original article

The Storms Of Finances In Married Life

When the storms of life hit, we are often tempted to run for cover. Be they the interpersonal relationships we strive for and always seem to miss by...that much. Or it could be the storm that defines the depth of love between a man and a woman. Or it might even be those terrible twisters know as the tornadoes of finance where you can't tell from which direction the wind is blowing, you just know there's destruction headed your way.

Try as we might, we can't outrun all of the storms in our lives. We can prepare as best we can, but mother nature makes the decision on the natural order of certain storms. We can however perform a certain storm watch to ward off the pending doom of financial suffering and disaster while they are but mere dust storms on the horizon of our lives, especially in our marriages.

What is a marriage...it is security, stability, love and trust. What does that have to do with storms you ask? Changes in the weather follows certain patterns, just like our lives, our marriages, our finances. Patterns are nothing more than plans, good or bad that develop into what what we weather. Patterns in our lives can be as devastating as tornadoes or as pleasant as a tropical storm that showers you with a gentle rain on the island of Guam. Been there... done that!

You become the storm tracker of your life when you can see the beginnings of financial failures blowing in, or relationships begin to waver and dissipate. However, when the storm warnings continue indefinitely, we struggle to find encouragement. We need help. We need something that can cover us like insurance against all the storms we've been through all these years.

When the rain and the wind gather strength until they turn into what seems to be a hurricane, we find ourselves saying, "I can't do this any longer," the truth is this: we can't, at least not alone. Come see our friends at Legendary You and discover the true meaning of relationships without having to be a storm chaser.

Except for our higher power to help us victoriously fight through the battles of life, storms will always be with us. Many will undoubtedly end up being thunderstorms full of pitching and tossing while others will be not so violent, yet they will have the same effect, causing a disruption in our daily patterns.

Nothing can cause you to weather a storm better than being prepared for it. Especially when we feel overwhelmed and discouraged. Storms seem to crop up at the most in-opportune times in relationships, marriages and even business ventures.

Some of the people who read these words are fighting one heck of a tempest with the threat of losing a loved one in a long (or short) marriage, losing a home to foreclosure, or struggling to make that first million. The storm is often an unseen enemy from a human standpoint but the consequences can be overcome. How is this storm track affecting your life?

There is an incredible sense of peace that comes from learning how to rest and be secure in knowing that you can take care of your troubles. This does not mean that you abandon the fight and just give up trying. It means that you shift the focus of your effort from your selfish self to someone who can help you really help yourself. This is where the true victory is gained. You have and will face many threatening storms. As much as we long to see the golden rays of sunshine streaming down from above after our worst storm, our marriage and relationships are the greatest opportunity we have to tell others about a financial security with unending, unconditional love and forgiveness.

The storms you face today are directly related to the joy you will experience in the future. A Friend in Business...and Life...Always,

-Lon-

Original article

Cheap Wedding Ideas For Future Brides On A Budget

Planning a wedding can be a very difficult thing to do, especially when you do not have too much money. Couples who plan their wedding around a tight budget can have a hard time getting things done according to their personal wishes, and this can be quite frustrating.

There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding, where only close friends and family are invited, but you need to do it with style. There are some things you can do if you want to save some money and the first thing you need to do is to come up with a good plan. Having a good plan to follow is always a good choice, as you can know at all times what you need to do and what you have already done. Make a list if you have to and plan your wedding step by step. Write down all the costs so you can keep track of you've already spent and how much money you still have.

One of the things you can do if you want to cut back the costs of the wedding is to make the floral arrangements at home. You can find cheap flowers at any flower shop and you can make both the centerpieces and the bouquets in the comfort of your own house, without having to pay for them. Use the internet for inspiration and choose models that suit your tastes.

Saving money is not the best part, as you also get to spend some quality time with your friends, people who will be happy to help you. This is not such a hard activity and it is a lot of fun, actually. Plus, you also get a chance to make your own bride's bouquet as you wish. I guess it's true that sometimes, "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself".

There are many couples nowadays who simply cannot afford having a big wedding. The most common problem that people have to deal with nowadays is a low budget and the couples who want to get married in our days need to make some big sacrifices. But there are many things couples can do to cut back on wedding costs and some of the most famous tricks consist of choosing to make the floral arrangements at home or even having a backyard wedding reception. The advantage is that there are now constraints regarding what you can and what you can't do at your own wedding. Besides, you could actually have a lot more fun in a familiar place.

Another thing you can to if you want to save up some money is to choose a cheaper wedding dress. Choosing a tailor with cheaper fees does not necessarily mean that you'll end up with an uglier dress. Once you've made up your mind and chosen a tailor, you can start explaining what you have in mind as far as the design of the wedding dress is concerned.

Even so, you still have to make sure that your tailor is an expert in the field and he or she can meet a deadline, as to avoid not having your dress ready on your wedding day. For those who do not really know what type of wedding dress they want, there are many stores and online shops where you can find several inspiring models.

Plus, if you go online, there are virtual stores which can provide you with second-hand dresses, all in very good condition. Think about it! You will be wearing that wedding dress once, why spend a fortune on it? Instead, you could use that money to do something else, to buy nicer centerpieces, for instance.

Original article

Why Should I Stay Married?

People often ask: why should I stay married? Marriage, in fact reflects the basis of relationship between two persons. There are many benefits that a person can acquire with marriage. The most important thing, however, is to stay married without getting a divorce. Let us analyse what are the benefits of staying married while compared to getting a divorce.Family is the fundamental unit in our society. A good family needs good couples staying together. It is true that you can share some things in your life only to your spouse. It will give you a sense of feeling that there is at least one person to take care of your matters without compelling. No other relationship will give you more happiness than living together with your spouse. Therefore, it is essential that you should stay married to live life to the fullest with happiness.

We all seek social recognition in life. When you are married and live with a family, people will recognise you as a responsible and successful person. You will be treated with respect and your relatives will consider you as a great model for them to follow. If you live in a troubled family and start seeking for a divorce, it is true that other couples in the society give up their confidence in you and will start neglecting you. No couples want to listen the advice of a person who is divorced. At that time, you loose your value in the society and the life will become discouraging one. You will definitely notice a difference in people's attitude towards you when you go to a marriage occasion alone rather than along with your spouse. It is therefore considered in the society that a true husband and wife relationship is the basis for social recognition and happiness.

After many years of marriage you may or many not get dissatisfied in the family affairs. At the same time, you always have to think about the future of your children. Children should be taken care of by their parents. They deserve protection and affection from father and mother. It is possible only when the couples live together without seeking for a divorce. Children should be moulded by their parents and learn the first lessons of life from them. Only then, a good future can be seen for those children. It is therefore, suggested for couples to think of your children in case you are seeking a divorce. Your children should not be in a position to say that 'I don't get the affection from father or mother as they are divorced'

It is good to know that there are many couples who rejoin after some months or years of their divorce. They own real experience of the importance of staying together. Therefore they cannot ask, why should I stay married. If you start enjoying the benefits of staying together, you can never think of a divorce. There can be problems in your daily life. That is natural. The importance should be given for how to solve such problems without seeking a divorce notice.

Blake Johnson is a writer who spealizes in family reviews and tips. See more of his work at Save my marriage today review. Also read his latest article at How to save my marriage

Original article

We Need to Talk: Communication Between Men and Women

Couples generally have no major problem talking about daily business - what should we do for dinner, who's picking up the kids, let's make weekend plans. That's good. People need to communicate about what's going on in their daily life.

However, over time, it's not unusual for one partner to feel distressed with the quality of their communication. Often, though not always, it's the woman who finds herself complaining that she desires deeper communication. And the man who finds himself on the defensive.

"We need to talk," may seem like a simple statement to women, but it's not. Particularly, if her man is hearing, "What did I do wrong now?" Or, "What are you upset about now?" Seeking to escape a dressing-down, he may well respond, "later." Which might be fine if later ever came. But it usually doesn't. Not of his own accord, anyway.

Initially, he may believe that "later" has helped him escape a confrontation, but after awhile he realizes, it hasn't. For she still needs to talk. And if he doesn't give her a chance to do so, she'll be stewing.

What does she want? She may want him to be more involved with the responsibilities of home or child care. Or, she may want him to be more involved in her life. She may be weary of the mundane talk that's the core of their discourse and be yearning for intimate conversations like those that used to take place in the days of courtship. It's typical for a woman to keep trying to improve the relationship with her partner. But she may go about it in ways that are not particularly productive. What might she do differently? Here are a few suggestions:

Begin with the Positive

It's so easy to begin a discourse with the negative. Your complaint is right there at the tip of your tongue. Do your best, however, to squelch the urge. Surely, there are positive aspects of your relationship that you can point out before giving a laundry list of all the stuff that's been bothering you. People put up their guard when they feel that they've been attacked and either counter attack or go on the defensive. So, do your best to start off with the positive, end with the positive and sandwich your complaint in between.

Be More Solution-Oriented

Complaining is a position of the weak. Suggesting a solution is a position of the strong. Instead of saying, "You never..... (fill in the blank), say something like, "I love that you're such a good dad (as you enumerate a few positive traits)." Then add what it is that you want. "And I want us to spend more time communicating about each other, not just the kids."

Ask Specifically for What you Want

Do you want to go on vacation without the kids? (Studies show that those who do this have better marriages.) Do you want a date night once a week, once a month? Do you want to have evening conversations that focus on each other, not the daily details of life? Think about it. It's not always easy to know what you want.

Keep it Short

It's no secret that women like to talk more than men. Women like the details. Men like to get to the bottom line, fast. So, if you're planning to have an hour long discussion about the state of your relationship and he'd like to keep it to two minutes, strike a compromise. Better to have 20 minutes of quality conversation than 60 minutes of a diatribe.

Communication, like other interpersonal skills, needs to be fine-tuned to the person you're speaking with and the topic you're speaking about.

©2012

LINDA SAPADIN, PH.D.

DrSapadin@aol.com
http://www.beatprocrastinationcoach.com/

To subscribe to a free E-newsletter with valuable advice on living and loving well, go to http://www.psychwisdom.com/

Dr. Sapadin is a clinical psychologist, success coach and author, specializing in helping people overcome self-defeating patterns, especially debilitating fear and procrastination. Her new book is "How to Beat Procrastination in the Digital Age."

Whether you're a Perfectionist, Dreamer, Worrier, Crisis-Maker, Defier, Pleaser or a combination thereof, you'll find the strategies, skills and insights to help you empower your performance. The book includes 6 Change Programs for each of the 6 Styles. Book is available on Amazon, Kindle and Nook.

Original article

Managing Change and Its Effect on Your Relationships

Change is stressful and difficult. Human beings are creatures of habit. When people want change they typically mean that they want others to adjust or they want a system or rule to be modified. People very seldom want to change themselves and even when they want it, they are often unwilling to do what it takes to bring about the transformation. This is no different in relationships. We typically want our spouses to change and of course we ourselves don't need any changes, right? Most couples who come see me when things go wrong, blame their spouses and want them to change. Most times they deny any problems of which they are accused. Today we are not going to talk about changing as people though; we are going to talk about external changes that impact our relationships.

His company wants to relocate him and she does not want to move to a different city. She wants to have children and he is not ready yet. She wants a bigger home or he wants a new car. Regardless of what the change is, we all face change, that is for certain. Change can happen to us without our consent; such as losing one's job, disability from an accident, and so forth. Change impacts our relationships whether we like it or not. Sometimes such alteration is good and sometimes it is disastrous. So how can we manage change to minimize any potential negative impact on our relationships?

1. When possible, honestly and deeply discuss the potential change with your spouse and find out how he or she feels about it.

2. If the change is optional, make the decision to change together; both spouses need to agree and take responsibility for the decision together. If things go wrong a joint decision eliminates any blame games.

3. If possible, take change slowly. Introduce the changes in steps, with time in between, to get used to the change.

4. Accept one change at a time, don't lump many changes together. Every change happening together builds on all the stress of each individual stress until it becomes overwhelming. Changing careers, moving, getting married, and having surgery all within a few months, for example, is not a good idea. If possible, stagger these changes over time.

5. Build on your strengths and accept changes in the areas which you feel confident in.

6. Make sure you are healthy and getting enough exercise before taking on any changes.

7. Be positive.

Pierre F. Steenberg, Ph.D., D.Min. is a relationship expert, a counselor, and a marriage seminar presenter. http://www.designinghearts.com/

To receive your free PDF on using Genograms to analyze your relationship please visit: http://www.designinghearts.com/

Original article

The Most Effective Approaches to Kiss and Make-Up With Your Wife Right After a Fight

Every relationship in this world, whether it's in between friends, family members and partners, is susceptible to fighting. But the good thing about having fights with your loved ones is that it teaches us a good lesson afterward. Therefore, you must not let these petty fights ruin your relationship, instead, use it as a way to improve your relationship and make it even better. Here are tips on how to kiss and make up with your wife and avoid fighting again.

Spend Quality Time

After a fight, it is best that you spend more time with your wife in order to have a good conversation with her to straighten things out. Remember, communication is very important in every relationship because lack of communication can easily lead to misunderstandings and fights. So take some time out from your busy work schedule and ask your partner to also set aside some of her time for you so you would be able to sort out any issues in your marriage.

Shower Her with Surprises

Usually, after a verbal fight with your partner, you would often end up having cold treatments. Your wife would choose to sleep on your kid's bedroom and she will often ignore taking meals along with you. To break the barrier between the two of you, shower your wife with surprises by leaving a bouquet of flowers on her closet with a letter of apology or surprisingly show up in her office bringing her favorite dessert.

Send Her a Letter

It is sometimes better to convey your feelings through writing, so try sending out an apology letter to your wife. All the thoughts, feelings and emotions that you have, say it all in your letter and also explain in there how you could help to resolve the issues you have. Your wife will surely be glad of your efforts of sending her such letter, and this will make her seem easy to forgive you.

Invite Her for A Date

One of the best ways to apologize to your wife is by doing it the old fashioned way. So try courting her again and ask her out on a date just like you two would do in the earlier stage of your relationship. Treat her like your princess and make her feel special just like you used to do when you are still courting her. Doing this could help to ease out the pain in your wife's heart and eventually forgive you for everything that you have done.

Whatever the reasons of your arguments are, if you just follow these advices on how to kiss and make-up with your wife, she will surely be able to forgive you and forget all that happened. Again, misunderstandings and arguments are normal, for as long as you learn from it and make sure that it will no longer happen in the future. More importantly, always be the first one to apologize even if you feel that it's not your fault because a marriage that is successful is something that is filled with love, care and understanding.

Knowing how to make up after a fight makes certain that the conflict is put into the past. Then both parties in the relationship can move forward. Take a look at saving a relationship to find out what to do to save your relationship. If you feel your marital life is falling, go to saving a marriage to discover how you can save your failing marriage and put your relationship back to normal.

Original article

Tips on Mending the Infidelity Issues In Your Marriage Life

Infidelity in marriage happens due to several different reasons - it's either because the wife does not have enough time for the husband that is why he seeks other partner, or it's probably because the husband just fell into the temptation. Whatever the reasons are, infidelity in marriage is definitely a difficult thing to deal with for it can easily lead to the downfall of a relationship. Read these tips to help you in dealing with infidelity issues happening in your marriage.

Do Not Jump Into Conclusions

Suspicion and doubt is a bad thing because it could cause a marriage to be broken, even if there is actually no issue at all. So if you feel that your husband is having an affair, avoid jumping into conclusions without enough evidences. It is best that you confront your husband about it, or gather enough evidences before you accuse him of cheating on you.

Understand Why Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful

As I mentioned from the start of this article, there are several reasons behind the infidelity of a person. Knowing what these reasons are and addressing such issues could greatly help to save the relationship from being broken So as soon as you find out about your husband's infidelity, be willing to talk to him and find out the best options to deal with the infidelity issues.

Accept the Reality

The problem with some women is that they tend to become in denial the moment they find out of their husband's infidelity for they are just afraid to face the truth. Knowing that your husband has been unfaithful maybe a devastating experience, but if you face the truth head on, dealing with such issues will then be easier for you. When you face the truth that your husband is unfaithful, then that is when you could think of ways on how to deal with the issue in the most appropriate way.

Avoid Confronting the Other Party

In as much as we want to slap the mistress of your husband, doing such will not do you any good, so avoid doing such. The problem involves you and your spouse so make sure that you first deal with it on your own and leave your husband to confront the third party. However, if you feel that the other party is doing all her best to ruin the relationship despite of your husband's appeal, then you better consider taking legal actions to teach her a lesson.

Addressing the issues of infidelity in your marriage life is not actually as easy as what you think. But if you and your partner are helping each other in dealing with such issues, then everything will be resolved easily. Remember that you cannot just deal with the issues on your own, for you also need your husband's cooperation in addressing the infidelity issues that has been ruining your marriage life.

Reestablishing your marital life right after infidelity might be unpleasant, although with the correct approach, difficulties usually do get much better. Have a look at signs he is cheating to learn the most noticeable weird habits of a cheater. If your marriage is at the edge, visit save marriage stop divorce on how you can preserve your marital life and stop divorce.

Original article

How a Well Maintained Archive of Marriage Records Helps the Government in Census Activities

A question may come in one's mind as to what exactly marriage records generally contain. You may wonder why someone else may be interested in any record connected to your marriage but the fact remains that marriage records are public and are available for public viewing. In some cases, there may be a small fee involved in downloading information based on this record but most states offer the information free on their related websites. What then do these records contain?

Marriage records are known to contain a vital link to the family tree. It is essential to know the correct genealogy of the person concerned and to a certain extent, these records provide the essential information that one is looking for. Most states in the US require the couple in marriage to fill in a form that would seek information about the residence, place of birth and date of birth, the parents and the mother's maiden name in certain cases. This information is also used by various investigating agencies wanting to know more about the details of the person who has applied for a legal domicile in a specific state to be sure about the antecedents of the person concerned. Apart from private background checks conducted by most employers it is a way to be sure that the person is free from all criminal activities and has a clean past. Since marriage records are kept in well-maintained archives by the state administration and related authorities, it becomes mandatory to provide all information in the format that is prescribed to help data entry operators fill in the relevant details.

At times, you might also want to know what family branch you came from. If you want to know your ancestors and your forefathers from whom you have inherited your space in this world, a thorough and complete search from marriage records kept at the various county offices can often prove to be missing link that could perhaps help in straightening out the confusion. From these records and from the records of your parents and siblings you would come to know various connections to your family from other sources, which might baffle you beyond your own imaginations.

It is not just in the US alone; registration of marriages is now a compulsory activity for all the countries in the world today. The registered marriage records also help in keeping a close tab on the population classification, which is needed for various statistical purposes.

If you want to learn more about marriage records, please visit the marriage records website for you.

Original article

My Wife Doesn't Love Me Anymore! Why There's Still Hope for Your Marriage

Whenever I receive an email through my blog that starts with, "my wife doesn't love me anymore," my heart sinks just a bit. It's so hard to hear how many men are struggling with this in their marriages. Like you, they love their wife, and are devastated when they either hear her say she's not in love anymore or they infer that based on her actions of late. The road ahead always seems cloudy and filled with confusion if you're unsure how your wife feels and what that means for the future of your marriage. Instead of viewing this revelation as the beginning of the end, it's wise to see it as the beginning of positive change. Most couples have many hurdles to clear as they work their way through married life, that's exactly what you need to view this as.

Falling out of love is something that happens to people whether they've been married a year, two years or twenty-five years. We all change as we mature and if you and your wife aren't in sync with the changes you both make, one or both of you may begin to feel an emotional disconnection. Over time, if a couple doesn't address these changing feelings several things can happen. One is that one partner will venture outside of the marriage and begin an intimate affair with someone else. Another outcome when a couple fails to stay close is resentment may begin to build and verbal abuse becomes par for the course. Sadly, some couples just quietly let their marriage die until they either divorce or live their lives under the same roof but very disconnected from each other.

The fact that you're aware that your wife doesn't love you anymore is actually a positive thing. I know that sounds confusing, but if you sense that she's fallen out of love or she's told you, you know that you have issues that have to be dealt with. You're facing them instead of burying them beneath a happy demeanor with the hope that things will magically get better.

Talk to the woman you married. Obviously, you need to be cautious in the way you approach this subject. If you come out of the gate with your anger blazing, she's going to likely retreat into herself and she won't share with you what has caused her feelings to change so dramatically. The tone you set for the conversation is crucial. You must be compassionate and kind and explain that you understand that her feelings now may not mirror the feelings she had on your wedding day, but you want very much to gain insight into what's happened. Don't tell her at this point that you're intent on fixing things. She needs to first feel comfortable discussing what she is feeling.

Sometimes the discontent a woman feels in her marriage is actually more related to her life in general than her relationship with her husband. If you can encourage your wife to talk more about what is happening within her life that may help you piece together the puzzle of her changing feelings. Don't push her to share more than she's willing to at any given moment.

It's obviously incredibly important that you tell your wife how you feel as well. If you love her and feel deeply committed to making the marriage work, tell her. She may not know how you feel if you two aren't committed to spending time regularly sharing how you feel.

Becoming more emotionally connected with your wife, through discussion and even just spending more time together, can change the course of your marriage. There are times when one partner checks out of the relationship because they feel their spouse has given up. If you truly want the marriage to work, stay invested and show your wife that you are by being there for her and helping her in any way you can.

If you feel therapy would be beneficial, gently bring the subject up with your wife. Again, this is not something that you want to push her towards if she doesn't feel it would benefit her. You have to respect her needs and wants. By doing so you'll be showing her that you want to put her first which can help immensely when you're trying to rebuild a strained connection.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your wife to feel even more distant from you. You can make your wife fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your wife is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make her fall hopelessly in love with you.

Original article

Save Your Marriage By Helping Your Spouse Open Up

One of the important factors needed to sustain a marriage is open communication between the partners. Sometimes, one partner may have something to share but may find it difficult to open up. On such occasions, the other partner can save the marriage by helping the reluctant partner to open up.

Have you sometimes felt that your spouse has something to share with you but has some problem in opening up? If you have, did you ask them what was in their mind? It would have been very easy to have made your spouse pour out their mind by using a simple trigger like 'You want to say something?' But if you have not done so, you have lost a great opportunity to put your marriage back on rails.

If this has happened in your life, you need to ponder over what was holding you back. It might not have been your ego but a reluctance on your part, for no particular reason. There are times in our life when we know what is to be done but for some reason, don't bring ourselves to do it.

By failing to do the thing required of us at the appropriate time, we may end up losing certain things in life. The wise thing to do will be to learn from our past mistakes and do the right things during future occasions. All we need to do is to program our minds to act appropriately if a similar situation were to arise in future. Fortunately, life is kind enough to give us more opportunities similar to the ones we missed in the past. But if you keep missing opportunities repeatedly, you may sometimes reach a stage when there will be no further opportunities.

Think what prevented you from prompting your spouse when you knew that they were about to open up and share their feelings with you. Perhaps you were afraid what they might say would make you feel guilty. Perhaps you were not prepared to come out with a response to the issues they might rise. Ultimately, it was a kind of a fear - a fear that you would be shaken out of your comfort and brought out in the open.

Ask yourself whether or not you are interested in saving your marriage. If you are, then you should be willing to do something from your side even if you feel that the fault lies with the other side. If you can help your spouse open up by prompting them or encouraging them, you will be giving a powerful impetus to the task of saving your marriage.

Two things are important in life. Self development and maintaining good relationships. If you want to be happy and successful, you should focus on these two areas of personal success and harmonious relationships.

Original article

Marriage Requirements in Ireland

When couples decide to marry, it is important that they follow the wedding requirements to make their union legally binding. Getting married in Ireland can be complicated, but no impossible. Here are some tips to help you with this:

Three Month's Notice

To marry in Ireland, the parties must be able to give a three months' notice of their wedding. This must be given to the registrar for the district in which the parties wish to be married. Occasionally, there are exceptions, but they must be applied for at the Circuit Family Court Office or the High Court Office. This application is free of charge.

Residency

Whether for a religious ceremony or civil marriage, residency is a requirement, as well as at least one visit to Ireland prior to the actual ceremony. Of course, both parties must be over eighteen years old on the actual wedding day to be married in Ireland. In addition, you must have the capacity to marry. That means, you must have the capacity to understand what marriage means and that you must freely consent to the union.

If the couple chooses to get married without a license, the residency requirement will then be shortened, but the waiting period is longer. A notice will be served on the eighth day, but the marriage cannot be held until twenty-two days later. These requirements are only applicable to the county of Dublin. Interested parties who are planning to marry somewhere need to ask about the residency requirement in the district of their choice.

Registrars

Both parties must make an appointment with the registrar in the county where they would like to get married. They must submit all necessary documents, which include: Birth Certificate; if divorced, a Copy of the Divorce Absolute and Birth Certificate. There are two sets of registrars- one for Roman Catholic marriages and another for Protestant and/or civil marriages. After making the registration, the planning of the ceremony may begin.

Changes to your Status after your marriage

The couples must be aware that by getting married, different areas of their lives may be affected. These aspects include: insurance and pensions, inheritance, presumption of paternity and taxation.

Getting married is an exciting event of one's life and also a very serious commitment. Couples need to be aware of the marriage ceremony procedures and requirements that they need to do and submit. Most importantly, couples should understand that a marriage would affect their legal status.

Original article

Soul Mates - Sole Mates

Just like almost every girl, I have always dreamed of my prince charming who will rescue me one day and take me with him...happily ever after. My concept of a prince charming was not only a handsome and gorgeous man but someone who is my soul mate.

I remember being on the lookout for that soul mate. My basis was that instant connection of the heart and mind, followed by that tingling feeling all over my body. I guess I based this concept from all those novels I've read and love stories I've watched. It was very frustrating. I met men who connected with me mentally but I just didn't get that tingling feeling. Then I met those who gave me that tingling feeling but there was no other connection. After some time, I totally gave up on this soul mate issue and just settled for anyone who will love me, even more than I will love him. I just needed to be loved.

I found that man who loved me more than I loved him and it wasn't enough for me. There was something inside of me that still believed that my prince charming was out there... my perfect match... the one who was created perfectly for me. Was I just dreaming? Yes I was, at that time, because I didn't know the reality of Jesus.

When I finally surrendered my life to Jesus, I discovered what true love was all about. I began experiencing love for what it really was... the pure love of God. My "soulish" realm (mind and emotions) was renewed and I became more and more connected with Jesus. It was this intimate connection with Him that led me to the man who He has set aside for me.

So did I meet my soul mate? Yes I did, but only because my soul was surrendered to Jesus just as his soul was. This gives me a fresh new definition of a soul mate. While I previously thought of soul mate as that instant connection of the heart and mind and then that tingling sensation in the body, I now look at it as that instant connection of your spirits. When a man and woman are totally surrendered to Jesus, they will know when they see each other. Their spirits will speak and connect with each other like magnets. So where does the "soul" fit in here?

In Romans 8:6 Paul talks about the "mind of the flesh" and "mind of the spirit". The mind belongs to the "soulish" realm. This means that we can think and feel in the flesh, even if we are in the Lord. This may even deceive us, thinking that since our minds and hearts were instantly connected with a fellow Christian, then he is from the Lord. This is why I believe that there has to be a connection of the spirits first. When the connection starts here, then it is the mind and heart of the spirit that will be activated. This for me is what a soul mate is. And this for me should be the foundation of every Christian marriage. Now if you are married and you don't feel this connection with your spouse, I advise you to pray. God can restore your marriage to how it should have been in the first place.

I also believe that there is only one soul mate for each one. This means that your "soul mate" is your "sole mate". God created you for just that one person, and that person was created just for you.

Lisa Maki is the founder of God'z Gurlz, a Bible-based online magazine for women whose mission is to is to provide a place where women can learn to manage their emotions, experience healing, receive love and acceptance, be free to be who God made them to be, and be the best they can be in their homes, schools, professions, relationships, and calling, through sharing of insights and experiences, counseling, prayer, and devotionals, thereby learning from and supporting each other.

For more of Lisa's articles, visit http://godzgurlz.com/

Original article

Compelling Reasons To Make You Consider Counseling To Help Save Marriage

If your relationship is in danger of hitting the rocks and you have tried all the strategies and tactics that you are aware of, to no avail, then you have to consider counseling to help you save your marriage. And why not? Marriage is the focal point of your life and is almost incomparable to any other relationships. In fact, other relationships- with family, with children, with friends- all revolve around marriage. It is therefore imperative for you to save your marriage and not take it for a joke.

But how will you know if your marriage is in trouble? And how will you know when counseling is the right course for you to chart? Well, when any of the following problems appear in your relationship, then you need to seriously consider the option of counseling to save your marriage:

* Conflict
* Communication
* Infidelity
* Work-Life Balance
* Substance abuse
* Family violence
* Blended family Issues
* Problems with children

When you chose to go this way, then be assured that a counselor or therapist will assist you in recommending some "coping skills". These skills will enhance your relationship by providing guidance on effective communication techniques, conflict resolution mechanism and other measures that will make your family work better.

Thereafter, you have to grapple with the challenge of choosing a suitable counsel or therapist that can best assist to achieve your objective of reconciliation. In making a choice, remember that you do not have to pick the first counselor or therapist that you come into contact with. There is nothing wrong with interviewing several counselors before arriving at a particular choice that best suit your peculiar circumstances.

This may involve asking a few questions of the prospective counselors as follows:
* What treatment methods do you employ?
* What should be my benefits from the counseling?
* Have you had the experience of handling similar case in the past?
* What is your price?

In addition, you can get referrals from non-profit organizations concerned with such issues furnishing you with names of licensed counselors or therapists. You may also obtain some names from your family friends and relatives who have had the opportunity of obtaining counseling service in the past.

If all these options did not meet your requirements, you may consider going to the internet to search the websites of counselors and therapists. You will surely a get a ton of information on these therapists including their full resume, articles he or she has written and an overview of their practice and approach to helping couples in need. Unlike in the past when search on the yellow pages was the only option, now you will be able to obtain a lot of information from their web sites to make you decide whose approach will serve you better.

Again, you have to ensure that you choose a therapist who has the legal instrument to practice, that is, one with a license. Some of these licenses include; Marriage& Family Therapist License (MFT) which is only obtained on the completion of a Masters degree in Psychology and 1500 hours of internship work under a licensed therapist; Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSD), Psychologist with a doctorate degree and MD (Psychiatrist).

It is important to choose a licensed therapist because he or she complies with educational, internship and other practice standards in order to retain their license. On the other hand "Relationship coaches "and similarly titled personnel do not have similar obligations.

Equally important is the payment options which differs from counselor to counselor. Some therapists offer sliding scale fees while others take insurance.

Theo Johnson has been helping people to mend their relationships online for some time now. In order to even get more ideas and effective plans and strategies to help you get your ex back, then visit http://freetipstogetmyexback.blogspot.com/.

Original article

Why A Romantic Kiss And Hug Should Matter Among Couples

What's in a kiss and a hug you might ask? The answer is a lot and for couples who are so busy attending to their daily tasks as parents or workers, these should never be taken for granted.

If you want to make your marriage last, giving your partner a romantic kiss and tight hug every day is very important. Marriage therapists recommend these two gestures to be incorporated in your daily lives to keep the romance alive. Oftentimes, couples have crazy schedules and are so engrossed with their work and their household chores that they forget to attend to each other's needs. When this happens, they find themselves a bit estranged and then become uncomfortable with each other.

But there's something you can do to avoid this issue. Keep in mind, however, that if both of you can't be consistent in taking the effort, at least one spouse should commit to giving the kiss and hug every day without fail. These gestures may be simple to do but when done often and with much love from each other, it can inspire, promote peace and love as well as keep your marred life happy.

Marriage counselors don't just recommend giving your partner a simple kiss. It has to be a kiss that will wow and inspire your spouse. This gesture is something that will make you breathless and is sure to release that energy you have meant for romance.

If you're not at ease doing this in front of your children, you can always steal a moment and hide behind the door or inside a closet. You can do this before your other half leaves for work and when he or she arrives home. It can be a minute or less but regardless it's something that you will always look forward to doing.

The hug, on the other hand, should be done with your full body. It's different from the one you give or get from a friend or parent. It's something that will remind you of home and a spouse or family you can live happily with throughout your lifetime. And again, this act of hugging is a very effective way of nurturing your romantic relationship.

Married couples should know that they can give these hugs and kisses even when not in their usual sexual encounter. While these gestures can lead to being sexually aroused, they can also be done in other instances.

These two acts of love are surefire ways to keep romance alive in your relationship. Therapists refer to them as vital in releasing the so called romantic energy in married couples. When this type of energy is present, there's a big chance that couples will always crave to be together and even go on sleepless nights just so they can savor each other's presence.

So if you're one of those who can relate to this and acknowledges the fact that you lack the romantic energy in your relationship, then it's time to make that move and shower your partner with a great kiss and hug every day moving onwards.

For information on marriage therapists, please visit The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory, one of the top directories for therapists in the US and Canada.

Original article

How to Save Your Marriage - Without Counselling and Without Arguments (for Men)

If both partners in a relationship are committed to saving it. And you both recognize it is on the rocks, then there is a good chance that you will be able to repair things. And there are many people who will profess to be able to help you - for example, your average marriage counselor.

But what if one of you, say your spouse, really isn't that interested in saving things? What if they have all but given up, or worse, are actively trying to end your relationship.

Well, let me tell you. There is still hope that you can pull things together. And you in a lot of cases you can even do this without getting a marriage counselor involved, or getting into any heated arguments.

But first of all. Why are you so worried about your relationship ending? This isn't a trivial question. In fact, the answer to this might very well be the core of your problems.

Let me explain. In today's world, all to many of us have forgotten what it means to be a Man. We seek to impress and win over our women with talk, by being domesticated, by cooking dinner and being romantic. In essence, displaying highly feminine qualities.

When we lose touch with our Male-ness, we lose that magnetic quality that attracts quality women to us.

So my first question to you is. Are you truly happy with the quality of woman who you are currently in a (troubled) relationship with? If you're not then I would seriously suggest you let the relationship run its course and move on. You can do better.

On the other hand, if she is truly a quality woman, and you want to keep her in your life, then you must first focus on returning to your true nature as a man.

What is a man? It's not an image, or a body, or a job, or being an arrogant jerk. Being a true man is a personality. And it's a personality that attracts quality women like a magnet.

The techniques I'll share in a minute will still work (to an extent) if you do nothing to work on yourself. But if you'll first focus on re-awakening your male-ness, the results will be many times as powerful.

So what is this ideal male personality that women are drawn to?

It starts with your passion. A real man has dreams and desires (apart from women) which he works for above everything else. It might be a career, a business, anything worthwhile that you have devoted your life to.

In following his dreams, a true man wants to win more than anything else. He wants to bring his goals into reality, and realizes that unlike in school, there are true winners and losers in life. He wants to be a winner in whatever he does.

A true man doesn't make apologies for following his desires. He doesn't tiptoe through life.

And importantly, a true man loves women, but he is also perfectly comfortable being single as well, if the right woman hasn't come along yet. So if you're clinging to your relationship like it's your last lifeline. The first thing you must do is accept that you will be happy even if things don't work out.

If you are just skim reading, go back and read those last few paragraphs again. What I have just revealed to you are THE most attractive features that any quality woman looks for in a man. And here's the good news, real men are so rare these days, that once you become one you will stand out like a diamond in a bowl of M&Ms.

Ever heard the advice 'work on yourself first' but then wondered just what you're meant to be working on? Well there you have it in just a few paragraphs, how to be the man that women love.

Ok, but how to repair your relationship. Without the counselling and without the arguments?

Now that you understand the importance of improving yourself, I feel comfortable sharing the following almost foolproof strategy for relationship repair to you.

I did not invent this strategy, but it has worked wonders for me and for many other people over the years.

Here goes:

Number one. Agree with your wife or girlfriend. They want to separate? Then yes, you agree and completely understand. Do everything they want 100% their way (in respect to your relationship and breaking up). It may be hard for your ego to accept this strategy. But it is powerful. By not offering any resistance, they suddenly have nothing to fight against.

Number two. Enjoy your own freedom. Follow the suggestions above on 'being a man' (above).

And number three. Enjoy others. This one may be hard to swallow if you're terribly scared of losing your wife or partner. Which is why it's so important that you have to accept the fact that you may lose them (despite anything you do) if you want to stand any chance of keeping them in your life.

Becoming desperate and needy will simply drive them away faster.

The other reason for enjoying others, is to instil a little fear in them. Fear that they may lose you. When they see you having fun with other women, another powerful psychological factor will also come to your aid.

That is jealousy.

You see, in many relationships we become too 'familiar' and because we are somewhat conquered, and cease to be a challenge, we lose value in our partners eyes. Pull away (without being mean about it) and watch them come running back with renewed passion.

For more relationship help, check out the archives at The Relationship Guide.

Original article

How To Use The 5 Senses To Strengthen A Relationship

In the beginning of courtship, flirting was probably natural and one of the ways in trying to catch her attention and win her heart. Fast forward a few years, both of you become husband and wife, maybe a couple of kids, your attention will be redirected to building up your career, child caring, servicing your monthly utility bills, insurance premium, mortgage installments, etc, and before you know it, flirting is a distant memory.

You may ask why you still need to flirt with your wife. To this, I like to ask - why not? To me, flirting can serve as the 'lubricant of life' helping to reduce/relieve those daily 'friction' (or stress) making things easier as well as spicing up the relationship. Once you slip the ring into each other's hand, saying your marriage vows, it serves the interests of both parties to make living with each other as pleasant, fun and enjoyable as you can. To make it more effective, flirting should be treated as unintentional foreplay, meaning you should not use it for the sole purpose of leading to sex.

Here are some easy ways to add some flirtatious fun to your daily interactions with your spouse/partner. Flirting is about sensuality, so bring in all the five senses (sight, hearing, taste, and touch, smell) to enrich her experience.

(1) Appealing to his/her sense of sight

In your daily life, you leave him/her some flirtatious note (sweet sentiment or profession of love) by way of sexy text message and e-mail. You can also put a sticky note on the fridge, on the mirror in the bathroom, or the dashboard of the car. The message can be simple and to the point like "I just wanted to tell you I love you." or "Hey, what are you doing later?"

The next time when you are in a crowded room sitting around the dinner table with friends and family, you do not need to say anything. At the right moment, you make eye contact with your spouse giving him/her that flirtatious look, that cheeky smile or a mischievous wink. At all times when you are talking to your spouse, maintain eye contact.

You also need to take care of your appearance and hygiene. When you have some time to be together, or want to make time, put on something your spouse likes (that you feel good in as well), even if it is just only a clean pair of jeans and a great T-shirt.

(2) Appealing to his/her sense of hearing

We all love to hear good things about ourselves, especially from those most important to us. What do you admire about your spouse? Tell him or her about it. Hearing her voice for no reason other than to tell her you love her and thinking of her will make her feel desired.

You can say something that is most flirtatious and out-of-the-blue at the most unlikely time. Instead of "I am glad I married you." over dinner on your anniversary, try "Will you marry me, again?" while you head down the grocery or hardware store aisle. It is those unexpected comments at the most unusual times and places that can be so pleasantly provocative.

Humor can be magical, reducing the tension of the day, improving the mood and atmosphere. Find something funny to share with your spouse. On the flip side, be sure to laugh at his or her jokes.

Chat with each other rather than reading the newspaper or watching TV. Good conversation inducers include a walk around the neighborhood or a cozy couch, candle light dinner and a glass of wine.

Do you remember that pet name you once called your spouse? In the early stages of your relationship, you no doubt had a special way of addressing your spouse. It may have stuck with you for a time and then you may have forgotten to use it. Bring it back.

It is not only what you say, but how you say it is also equally important. Summon up that special tone of voice you used when you were first dating your spouse.

(3) Appeal to his/her sense of taste

If you can, cook his/her favorite meal to pamper your spouse. If you can't cook, never mind; bring her to her favorite restaurant to enjoy some romantic meals with your spouse. Most women like tidbits or snacks. On some days, surprise her with her favorite stuff, maybe chocolates or some rich-flavored ice-creams. You can make things a little fun by blind-folding her first and you feed her with the various flavor of ice-cream and you ask her to guess the flavor after each scoop of ice-cream.

(4) Appeal to his/her sense of smell

Scents can set the mood for any occasion. You send her flowers for no reason other than to express your love. Wearing her favorite cologne, cooking his/her favorite meal, or lighting a candle that she loves will show her that she is on your mind. You can also fill the room with warm, relaxing scent. These scents will get her pulse racing.

(5) Appeal to his/her sense of touch

Very simple, quick physical contact can make a big impact. Reach out and touch your spouse in a very gentle way at a time when he/she least expects it. It can be a soft touch or a flirtatious one, or just a foot or back rub. When he or she is standing at the kitchen sink, you can surprise your spouse with a front-behind-hug and plant your lips on his/her cheeks. Do not force the kiss to lead to anything other than that moment together. The next time when you are walking somewhere together, even if it is just to grocery store or parking lot, you hold his/her hand. The main thing is to find ways and excuses to reach out and touch your spouse.

Flirting is the simplest and easiest way to please a woman or even a guy. What you need is some extra effort and lots of creativity. Whether you are rich or poor, flirting is a tool that is accessible to everyone. Actually you do not need to be rich to win a woman's heart. Women crave for it. Many women complain that their husbands are no longer as flirtatious and romantic as in during courtship days. So, what are you waiting for? Start flirting with your spouse from now on.

Do you still want some more ideas to satisfy your partner and better your relationship? Click on Greatest Love and All For Us.

Original article

How to Be Romantic With Your Wife

Whether it is in relation to marriage or dating, females are always drawn to men who are romantic and have the capacity to be in touch with their emotions. If you would like to be on familiar terms with how to be romantic with your wife, first you will be required to pay careful attention to the interests of your wife.

A female who rejects conventional gifts will possibly not think a bouquet of flowers romantic. You can be romantic to your wife in many different ways, and here are a few simple suggestions to get you going in the right direction and learn how to be romantic with your wife:

Treat Her

Treat your wife to something that she has wanted to accomplish that you do not necessarily like. You might absolutely hate musicals and dancing; however, if you would like to learn how to spice up a relationship and be more romantic with your wife, you should take her out dancing or to a musical and this will be a clear indication to her of just how much your special lady means to you. Whenever you do something special for her that is totally selfless or at the very least mostly unselfish, your wife will be aware of that fact and see it as a romantic.

Take Her On A Romantic Day Trip

Nature hikes, wine tasting, and drives to the country are all examples of fun day trips. Trips such as these enable you show you romantic side to your wife and you will both be able to take pleasure in the beautiful sights without having to do a whole lot of planning and scheduling.

Make A Present For Her

Costly gifts are always nice; however, they are not quite as romantic as the gifts that come directly from your heart and hands. Even if you are no good at being a craftsman or artist, you should be able to create something special for her such as a necklace, a painting, scrapbook, a poem or a card and this will definitely something she will view favorably and you can check it off the list of how to be romantic with your wife.

Surprise Her With A Trip

This could prove to be a bit risky; therefore, this could either end up being amazingly romantic or you could have an irritated wife who is upset that she has to change her plans. In order to spice up your relationship and pull off a romantic gesture, ensure she likes big surprises and if she does whisking her away on a secret trip will be a very good idea.

By the way, if you want to learn how to be romantic, just head on over to my website now and get your free copy of 101 Romantic Ideas for FREE!

Discover how to spice up a relationship and get our hottest romantic ideas and love tips for having a better, sexier, more fun, more connected, and more passionate relationship beginning today.

Original article