Finding a Good Relationship Therapist

A relationship therapist helps married people and families learn how to resolve family or marital problems by making marriage mutual and productive. The role of the therapist is to analyze the situation the people are in and find a way to solve their problems. Couples, persons, and even families can benefit from the ability of relationship therapists.

A counselor can provide couples counseling, and prenuptial counseling. Therapists can deal with couples interactions and even certain individual disorders including depression. During the treatment process, the therapist can consult everyone who may be part of the problem. Some people may find it hard to seek assistance from a third person to resolve their personal issues, but a counselor has a unique view of how to deal with situations.

For people with emotional and mental problems, therapy is one of the most efficient solutions. But to reap its benefits, a person or couple needs to select the right counselor. It is important that the counselor can be trusted and can make the individual feel cared for. He or she should also have the ability to help make changes to improve a person's life.

When a person talks about his thoughts and shares his emotions with a supportive person oftentimes he feels better. When a person is able to release feelings to someone a big weight is taken off his shoulders. Oftentimes, a burdened person just needs someone to listen to feel relieved. It gives a good feeling to know that a person cares and is wants to help.

It is relieving to share problems and to talk with family members and close peers, but sometimes, authorized help is needed. A therapist is the best person who can provide professional help. Though the support coming from friends and family is important, therapy is quite different. A therapist can help people with emotional problems find solutions. Therapy can be of help no only for people with mental disorders. Everyone can seek help for common concerns including relationship problems, job stress, self-doubt, couples counseling, or premarital counseling.

A good therapist should be able to listen, can help a person identify and understand damaging thoughts and behaviors. He or she should be able to motivate a person to make positive changes, and can encourage an individual to learn and grow. But a counselor should not be expected to perform all the work to change a person's life. He or she must be able to encourage the person needing therapy actively participate in the treatment process. The person under therapy should make sure he or she knows and understands the expected outcome and how to determine if the therapy is working.

To choose a suitable therapist, the couple can first ask a family doctor who may suggest a therapist with a good record. Searching on the web is another alternative to search from, but setting personal appointments is still the best. Use the consultation time to confirm the therapist's experience and credibility. Both spouses should feel at ease the relationship therapist they get is qualified so he or she can do his or her part well during the therapy visits.

Tina is a professional blogger and has written many articles about relationship advice. Visit her blog to discover how premarital counseling can help you prepare for marriage. You can also learn how to find a relationship therapist can improve your relationship.

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The Responsibility of a Committed Marriage: What Is The Right Age to Get Married?

Think you're ready for the commitment of marriage? If you find yourself longing to be married, really ask yourself: How ready am I?

When my husband proposed, all I kept thinking was: " Wow, this is it! This is the moment that I've helped create as a professional matchmaker for so many others!" Time stood still, or at least it felt like it. We were looking at the beautiful San Francisco bay. It was surreal. Perfect. Amazing.

I was filled with emotion, love, joy, surprise and all the other emotions that come with being proposed to. More importantly, I felt calm. Confident. Ready. Ready to love this man. I felt ready to be responsible for him, as he has promised to be for me.

We are ready to take care of one another, no matter what. We will be combining families, lifestyle, finances and the big unknown: Our future.

Being in love with someone is an amazing experience and one to be celebrated. However, just because you love someone and that feeling is returned, it doesn't necessarily mean you're ready for the adult world of marriage. Ask anyone who is married or has been through a divorce. It's a partnership. It's a team.

More and more people are waiting to walk down the aisle. No longer are the 20s the time to settle down. After all, people are living longer which means marriages will be lasting longer as well! Why the hurry?

We all know people that got caught up in the romance and decided to marry much too young to only end up divorced by the age of 40. Marriage requires experience. This means you have dated, loved and lost. You've fine-tuned your needs and learned about yourself through all of your relationships. Remember, nothing has been a waste. Every person you have met has been a part of shaping your future.

Everyone thinks they want or deserve to be married, but many are not willing to do the personal work and grow as individuals first. It's tantamount to saying you'd like your MBA, but you'd prefer not to go to school.

My time has come. I knew it would, which is why I never worried along the way when I hadn't yet found the love of my life. I really enjoyed my single years and lived each moment to the fullest.

Now that I have found him, I am ever so grateful that I did not make this decision prior to this time. He is the right man. He was worth the wait.

As a Matchmaker and Dating Coach, I was often asked why I wasn't married. My answer is was simple and honest.

I was always a great girlfriend, but only now was I ready to be a wife. Since I was not ready to be married, I chose men that were only boyfriend material. There's nothing wrong with that. I was fortunate to have had great guys in my life.

Just be aware that your choices are your own. If you are picking men that aren't ready, it just might be that you are not as ready as you think you are. This is a big pill to swallow, I know. It's only in assuming responsibility that you truly find freedom.

Until you are completely ready to be someone's wife and all that comes with it, you need to know that the universe is taking care of you. Perhaps you aren't married yet because you have work to do. Timing is everything. You can't force it or make it happen just because you want it to. This is one time that you cannot impose your will to manifest change in your life.

As I look toward my future of being this man's wife, I can feel the maturity that it will take to get us through the years. It's a lot to take on.

My advice is to respect marriage and don't enter into it until you yourself have matured. No one is going to come along and make you happy. Be happy on your own first. Trust me, you'll attract a better partner.

If you are single right at this moment, enjoy it! It won't last. Love finds you and when it does, it happens quickly. Stop mourning your single status and get out and enjoy life, your friends, your individuality and your freedom. If you are constantly trying to find your future, you will be missing out on the precious moments life is offering you.

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Improve Your Financial Attitude To Enjoy A Happy Marriage

One of the most common problems married couples face pertains to money. This has long been confirmed by studies, marriage counselors and even couples themselves. Unfortunately, this still remains to be an issue up to now.

If you're concerned about your or your partner's attitude towards money, it's never too late to learn what you can do to keep your marriage stable. Financial woes have been found to cause major fights and even lead to divorce in worse cases but you can do something to avoid those mistakes made by others.

Couples who both earn an income need to pool their finances together. It's strongly recommended that you sit down and discuss how much money comes in every month and how much is spent for your basic needs. What you can do then is to decide who pays for the major bills and who shoulders the food and utilities. Perhaps the one who earns more can pay for the huge bills and long term goals while the other handles the other basic needs.

Coming up with an agreement is important so that you avoid putting the blame on the other when problems crop up. As you're aware of where your money goes, conflicts are avoided. So instead of judging each other owing to the differences in how you value money, a better option is to work together as a team towards a common goal. This step, you will eventually find out, will be very helpful.

In addition to discussing your regular expenses, you also need to decide on how much to save every month. There has to be some amount put into your savings account. Regardless of how big or little the amount, what matters is you are saving for your future. If you are able to be consistent with this, then you are in better financial position. And when you have accumulated a significant amount of savings, you can later decide to invest into a new house or use part of it for your family vacation.

In case you're having difficulty managing your funds despite concerted efforts, you and your partner can always consult a financial advisor or planner. What a financial planner does is help a couple come up with a plan and review it on a yearly basis. A plan is essential in order to meet your goals. You may be doing well in budgeting but sometimes a lack of plan does not lead you to where you want to go.

The key here is to instill discipline among couples so they can work together towards a common goal and having a financial plan is really helpful. Also important is the couple's attitude towards money as well as their constant communication. If both of you are able to develop a more positive attitude, you work together and you have an open communication line, you have all the chance to improve your financial condition. When this happens, you will benefit greatly by enjoying your marriage and improving your health as you take away the stress caused by financial woes.

For marriage support, visit TalkAboutMarriage.com, a supportive community for marriage and relationship advice.

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Don't Give Up on Your Troubled Marriage Yet!

Troubled marriage is not planned, but it happens to many people as life goes on. God created man and woman to share this beautiful life together. They are bonded together through marriage. One is completed by having someone special to share, care and continue this journey until the day you die. But life or marriage is not always perfect as you want it to be. Sometimes there's happiness and sometimes there's hardship or trouble. You need to be patient and try your best to go through it.

You are the lucky one if you have an everlasting happiness in your marriage. But, if you have a troubled marriage, you are not alone. People from all walk of life have problems in their marriage or divorce. Only the lucky few that get through and blessed with the happy marriage. The stress and anxiety to solve your marriage problems are too unbearable to many. Your heart will cry for help, but you do not know what to do. Without you even realized you've probably tried some methods to save your marriage. It is very possible that you make mistakes in your attempt to save your marriage. But worse, if you are the only one trying to solve or save the troubled marriage. The pain just makes you think that divorce is the only solution. Please do not give up on your marriage just yet! So far, all the advises you were given were unsuccessful and might not even applicable to your problems. Or may be just friends of yours giving you ideas and methods that were not working until now. Forget the theories and ideas you have heard that does not work. There is an alternative to divorce.

There are many reasons that can cause the marriage to crumble. The reasons could be the unresolved conflicts, problems of children, lack of privacy, insufficient or ineffective communication, excessive fighting, not enough quality time for the busy schedule, separations and many more complex situations and difficult test. Some of these reasons may sound familiar to you.

You may already search a way to solve the problem in your marriage, but do not get the right advice and that is why you're stuck with the same situation. You may wish that there is a touch button to push, and suddenly all problems are gone. Unfortunately there's no such thing. There are steps must be taken, even if you have to do it alone. The right advise to correct the track is what you need at the moment. In fact, you could soon be experiencing the relationship you wanted from the beginning!

Have you heard of Amy Waterman, a professional writer specializing in attraction, dating and relationships. She has extensive experience in helping thousands of people to restore love with her insightful and powerful secrets to attract love and to labor relations. Its simple and easy strategies to solve almost any marital conflict may be useful to read.

To get a free course about saving your troubled marriage go Save My Trouble Marriage

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Rules Versus Principles

All relationships have rules. They may not be codified in writing but they are there, they are valid, and they are enforced. Relationships and people in general don't function well without rules. Too many rules are not good either, when too many, they persuade as that we are controlled. People don't like to be controlled. A healthy dose of rules help steer the relationship and our interaction. The problem with rules is that they often times do not provide any reasons. When we think that rules have no reasons behind them we tend to ignore them. Ignoring rules lands us in trouble. The second problem with rules is that they typically just address a specific issue. Their focus is very narrow. To overcome this problem we make more and more rules in an attempt to address every issue. That is why rules propagate faster than rabbits (and why we feel controlled). It is simply not possible to make or to remember a rule for every possible issue. A third problem with rules is that they are mostly stated in the negative; don't do this, don't do that...

There is an even better way to accomplish the same thing; principles. Principles on the other hand overcome the problems facing rules. Principles are broad. Just one principle can cover a multitude of issues. Principles are often reasons within themselves. They tend to be more positive. The best thing about principles is that they are much stronger motivators than rules. People think that rules are meant to be broken, but they are willing to die for their principles. Principles are simple and easy to remember. Let's look at an example:

The simple and single principle: I am honest covers hundreds of rules like: do not steal, do not cheat, do not lie, and the list goes on. A few well chosen principles are all we need to govern our relationships with. Have you considered living by and governing your relationships with some of the following principles?

· I am honest;
· I am respectful (towards people, animals, and property);
· I am excellent (I do my best in everything I do);
· I have integrity;
· I am loving;
· I am hard working;
· I believe in sharing, and I am a team player.

How about talking it over with your spouse and coming up with your own list of principles to live by and to govern your relationship with? Read them aloud every day and vow to genuinely live by them. Who wants thousands of rules when all we need are a few positive principles?

Pierre F. Steenberg, Ph.D., D.Min. is a relationship expert, a counselor, and a marriage seminar presenter. http://www.designinghearts.com/

To receive your free PDF on using Genograms to analyze your relationship please visit: http://www.designinghearts.com/

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How to Rekindle the Romance And Create a Passionate Marriage

Research on passion and love indicates that those feelings of "romantic love" change after the first few years of marriage. It's likely that early on in the relationship, the mere thought of your partner may have brought you feelings of joy. However, after a few years of being together, it's less likely that your heart skips a beat when your spouse walks in the room. Many people spend a lot of energy trying to rekindle the passion and there are various strategies suggested by researchers that can help you rekindle the romance.

Many research studies show that a couple's marital satisfaction declines over time. The first ten years tend to show the sharpest decline in happiness. After that, there seems to be a slower progression. It is a disturbing trend to show marital satisfaction rates declining over time and divorce rates on the rise. So how can couples ward off this trend of declining marital satisfaction?

Social psychologist, Arthur Aron, has conducted research on passion and rekindling romance. He has published several studies and written several books, including the "Handbook of Closeness and Emotional Intimacy." In his research, he discovered that one key to rekindling romance was for a couple to try a new activity together. He concluded that just trying a new activity for about seven minutes can greatly increase a person's marital satisfaction.

Trying new things together seems to spark some excitement. Although spending quality time together is important, research indicates that trying new things together has the greatest impact on improving the marriage.

This excitement can make the relationship more fun and adventurous and it helps rekindle those feelings of passion. Couples who are newly dating don't seem to gain this same spark from doing new activities together. This is most likely because they are already excited by the newness in the relationship. However, as the excitement about the relationship starts to dwindle, it looks like there's a lot the couple can do to reignite the spark.

Take a look at what new activities you and your partner can try together. You don't have to find elaborate activities. Small changes can help break up monotony. Take an art class together. Start a small business venture together. Travel to new destinations. Try a new sport or activity. Volunteer together.

Each couple can decide what constitutes excitement for them. Anything that is challenging and unusual for you can be a healthy change. For some couples, this may mean hiking together. For other couples, planning a vacation might create some excitement. It all depends on your current lifestyle and the types of changes you can make to create some opportunities for growth.

Look around your community for opportunities of new things to try. Adult education classes can be a good place to start. Use the internet or newspaper to find new adventures as well. Be open minded to trying new things. Talk to friends, family, and neighbors to gain ideas about activities and opportunities.

Another important strategy to help increase marital satisfaction is to take care of mental health needs. Underlying mental health problems are good predictors of marital dissatisfaction. When one partner has depression or anxiety, marital satisfaction rates seem to decline for both partners. If you or your partner has any unmet mental health needs, don't ignore your symptoms. Your marriage is not likely to improve unless you seek treatment. Treatment may include medication, therapy, or a combination of both.

Taking care of yourself, mentally and physically, will increase your chances of having a long-lasting passionate marriage. However, participating in fun and new activities may have the biggest impact. Surprise your spouse with some spontaneity and you might find that your marriage receives an extra boost in the romance department.

If you are having marriage problems please visit http://www.marriagemax.com/

Original article

My Husband Is Saying He's Confused About Our Marriage - What Should I Do?

I sometimes hear from wives whose husbands can't or won't be honest about his feelings toward the marriage. These husbands will sometimes claim that their feelings are conflicted and this usually makes the wife want to uncover his feelings that much more. And wives can wonder if he's legitimately confused or just using this as an excuse.

I heard from a wife who said: "our marriage has been in trouble for quite some time. Over the last couple of months, there has been no real intimacy between us and when we are together, we just stare at one another awkwardly. There isn't really anything for us to talk about because we are really two very different people. I finally got up my nerve and asked him if he was still committed and invested in my marriage. He told me that he didn't know because he was 'confused.' He said he didn't know how he felt about me or our marriage anymore. I told him that he would have to be more specific because I didn't know what 'confused' really means. He told me that there are some days when he wants to walk away from our marriage and some days when he thinks he wants to fight for it. I asked him which days are more frequent and he admitted that he has more days when he wants to walk away. So what does this mean for us? And how can I help him get past his confusion so he will work with me to save our marriage?" I have a definite opinion on this, as I dealt with it myself in my own marriage. I will share it in the following article.

A Husband's Confusion About Your Marriage Isn't The Worst Outcome: I know that this isn't an easy situation for you. It hurts to hear your husband say that he isn't sure about you and the marriage. However, many wives are dealing with a husband who has no confusion, because he is sure that his marriage is over. So while his confusion may be frustrating to you, at least he hasn't made up his mind that the marriage is over. At least he still has some positive thoughts about you and your marriage. This gives you something to build upon and tells you that all is not lost.

Don't Push Him Too Hard To "Get Over" His Confusion Before You Have Given Him The Time And Space To Do So: Of course you want for him to make up his mind as soon as possible. And the chances are good that you want for him to decide that he still wants you and your marriage. So, it can be very tempting to push in order to make this happen quickly. Even if you don't mean to, it's easy to start to apply some pressure to get him to not only make up his mind quickly, but to make up his mind to include the decision that you prefer.

This type of pressure can actually hurt your chances of making your marriage work. In my opinion and experience, you're generally going to be much better off being patient. Even if you don't feel this patience, try to take a step back and make it appear as if you do. You want for your husband to believe that you want him to be happy and you are willing to allow him to come to his own decisions. Now, understand that he is going to be more likely to be committed to your and your marriage if you act in a positive way while he's making up his mind. I know that this can be very challenging when you know that there is a real chance that when the confusion ends, he may walk away. But choose to focus on the positive because this gives you a better chance of getting the results you want.

What Does It Mean When He's Confused About Your Marriage?: It often means that he's having some conflicting feelings and he doesn't know which are more real or valid. Often, this "confusion" comes after you've had some struggles in your marriage, but this isn't always the case. Sometimes, husbands project other problems in their lives onto their marriage. The good news is that eventually, many come to realize that their wife or their marriage truly wasn't the problem. However, even if you suspect this, it's often not to your benefit to tell your husband that he's wrong or being selfish. If you allow him to figure this out on his own, that's the best outcome.

Can You Pinpoint The Source Of His Confusion?: Sometimes, the reason that your husband is confused is obvious. Sometimes, there are intimacy issues, another woman, or a certain conflict that just won't go away. If you know the source of the confusion, try to address it in a genuine and loving way. When I say genuine, what I mean by that is that you don't want it to be obvious that you are just trying to clean up the problems quickly to end his confusion. Instead, you want to make it clear that you are trying to solve your problem because you genuinely care about him and the marriage.

A Suggested Dialog: Instead of trying to strong arm your husband into making a quick decision that may be detrimental to you and your marriage, you might try something like: "I'm hurt to hear that you're confused about our marriage. My commitment is clear to me, but I understand that you might be struggling with some things right now. I have no problem giving you the time and space that you need because I love you and I want to save our marriage. If you can give me some feedback as to what might be the main source of your confusion, I'd be more than happy to work with you to resolve any issues so that the answer might be a little more clear."

Notice that in this conversation, you never told him his confusion was a stall tactic or was not genuine. And you never questioned his sincerity. It should be a given that you respect and accept his feelings. If you disagree with him or try to strong arm him into hurrying up and making up his mind, the implication is that your peace of mind matters more than his and you never want to give off this impression when your very marriage is at stake.

My husband's confusion about our marriage lead to a separation because I didn't handle it in the right way. I didn't take him seriously enough and he eventually wanted time on his own to evaluate his confusion. Only taking him seriously until after the separation was a huge mistake that almost costs me my marriage. Eventually though, I changed course and was able to save it. If it helps, you can read the whole emotional story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Original article

How to Determine If Marriage Counseling Will Save Your Relationship

Many married couples who are struggling in their relationships consider seeking professional advice from a marriage counselor, but still they hesitate. From stories they've heard, they wonder if counseling really works. Besides, they hate to spend money on this type of resource unless they have assurance that they will reap rewards for their investment. So the questions remain. What exactly should they expect from counseling sessions, and will they be able to save their relationship and build a stronger union?

Every marriage has its problems, and it's unrealistic to expect yours to always be smooth sailing. What couples need to learn are strategies that can help them weather the bad times, open lines of communication, and stay happily married. They need to discover techniques that will enable them to deal with the perceived shortcomings they see in their spouses and reach compromises about how they are going to live together peacefully and lovingly. When you visit a marriage counselor, you get the opportunity to open up honest communication which is key to a stable relationship. You will learn from an unbiased third party how you can go about arguing over your issues in a much healthier manner.

No two marriages are the same, so obviously marriage counseling isn't going to be as effective for some partners as it is for others. Yes, there's a chance that you may end up deciding on divorce even with the counseling; however, it will certainly give you a better chance of reconciling your differences and saving your marriage than doing nothing will. At the first signs your marriage is in trouble, you should seek guidance from a marriage counselor, because your marriage will be easier to save in the early stages than it will be later on. Not that you can't benefit when things have already gotten bad between you, but it's far better to get an early start.

There are other factors that will help determine how successful marriage. It's easier to resurrect a failing marriage in which the partners are both young and still in love than it is to save a more long-term marriage in which the couple has grown out of their relationship and so far apart that the love is buried much deeper. In addition, both members of the partnership need to be willing to cooperate with the counselor and each other if real progress is going to be made. Other couples that may not be as successful in counseling include people who married very young and before their relationship had a chance to mature, high school dropouts, people whose parents are divorced, those in inter-cultural marriages, those who live below the poverty level, or those who are unemployed.

The bottom line is that marriage counseling is an excellent tool for some couples and not for others. You can study the criteria listed above to see what your chances might be of engaging in successful counseling.

Get 8 hours of live marriage coaching and proven marriage advice that really works at: marriage expert or here: relationship expert.

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Oriya Matrimony Rituals for Various Hindu Communities

The State of Orissa has people from all religious background. There are people belonging to all religions and ethnic groups. The culture and traditions of the states have deep impact of the beliefs of Buddhism, Jainism and Hindu civilization that rose to prominence during periods. All religion people coexist peacefully and happily participate in each other celebrations. The chief religions of Orissa are Hinduism, Christianity and Islam. Other linguistic communities of Orissa are Hindi, Bengali and Telugu. The state also has many tribal groups. Oriya Matrimony customs and traditions vary for the different communities.

The Hindu Oriya Matrimony celebrations are simple and modest affair. The rituals vary among the different Hindu castes in Orissa, but most of the rituals are same. The rich and unique culture is reflected in their wedding. The Hindu Oriya Matrimony functions for the Brahmin community happens during the daytime. For other community the wedding celebrations start from the evening. There is an interesting fact about the Oriya Matrimony. The mother of the groom does not attend the wedding ceremony. The mother of the groom is involved in other important rituals. However, she will not go with the marriage procession and attend her son's wedding.

There are many rituals involving Hindu Oriya Matrimony celebrations. Some rituals related to wedding start days before the actual day. The first wedding card of a Hindu Oriya Matrimony is given to the family deity. The family deity is the first invitee to wedding in any Hindu wedding from Orissa. After that, the maternal uncles of the bride and the groom receive as well. In the engagement ceremony, the parents of the bride and the groom formally declare to marry their children.

Apart from these, there are many other pre-wedding rituals of Hindu Oriya Matrimony celebrations. There is the tradition where relatives and elders of the family shower blessings on the bride. They also apply a paste of turmeric and oil on her body and after that, she get a ceremonial bath.

In another important pre-wedding Oriya Matrimony ritual involves the bride. The elders of the family bless the bride with smooth turmeric and then she is given a bath. After that, she is again smeared with a paste of sandalwood and turmeric.

There is also a prayer meeting in the temple before the actual day of wedding. The goddess of the temple is offered marital related things like toe rings, bangles, vermilion and sari. The families seek blessing of the deity for a happy and long married life.

Shipra Sinha writes on behalf of Jeevansathi.com, which is India's fastest growing Matrimonial website. Jeevansathi.com enables users to create and search corresponding matches for their respective profiles like Oriya Matrimony, Hindu Matrimonial wherein users can avail free registration and make initial contact with each other.

Original article

The Husband's Responsibilities in a Muslim Marriage - According to The Quran

"And among his signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find comfort and repose in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for people who reflect" (30:21)

In Islam men are the guardians and maintainers of their wives. According to the Quran, Allah has declared, and it is not up to men, women or society to do otherwise. Husbands are the decision makers and the providers, however not just in regards to finances. The husband is also meant to take care of his wife's emotional and psychological needs as well.

Let us discuss a few of the husband's specific responsibilities towards his wife in eye of Sunnah and the Quran regarding a Muslim marriage:

Husbands should be patient with their wives especially, if there is something they don't like about them.It is important for the husband to keep promises he made to his wife at the time of marriage.He cannot order her to do something which is against the religion. The prophet (peace be upon him) said, "No obedience is due to creatures in disobedience of Creator".Respecting and paying attention to his wife and her needs.The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised young men to marry, "because it cast down the gaze and up the genital". Therefore husband should not seek a sexual relationship other than their wives.Husbands should keep any secrets of his family to himself rather than going out and discussing with others.A good Muslim husband should trust his wife completely and listen to her advice whenever she chooses to give it.The prophet (peace be upon him) said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one's wife. So be generous to your wife.If a husband can afford it, he should hire help for his wife for household chores, such as cooking, cleaning, etc.Husbands should never put their wives in a shameful position or talk about her with his friends or other men.In case of a disagreement do not rush for divorce but try to work out differences if possible. According to Holy Quran, "(after pronouncing the divorce) she must be retained in honor or released in kindness" (2:228).If something about the wife displeases the husband he should not dwell on it all the time, instead he should look for positive attributes and praise her for them.The husband should not keep away from his wife and keep her in a state of anticipation, for a long period without her consent. Allah said "Turn not away (from your wife) altogether, so as to leave her hanging. If you come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint, then Allah is Oft-Forgiving, and merciful" (4:129)

Adham Hazem runs Single Muslim Meet, a Muslim matrimony and introduction service for Muslim singles. Single Muslim Meet has an extensive article section where Adham offers tips and writes articles that help people have a successful Muslim marriage and family. Some of the articles you will find on his website are; Choosing a Spouse, How to Have a Successful Muslim Marriage, The Muslim Matrimony Process, and much more. To read more of Adham's articles visit the article section at SingleMuslimMeet.com.

Original article

Marrying Chinese Brides - Difficulties Faced

When marrying Chinese Brides, one of the things that really confused me was the amount of unspoken expectations that gradually became apparent leading up to, and after the wedding day, from my bride and her family. I wondered if I had deliberately been kept in the dark about all of these things.

Although I had met a few westerners who were married to Chinese girls, they didn't seem to be very forthcoming either! I soon realized that one of the reasons was embarrassment. Why embarrassment? The reason was simple, as I later found out:

Many felt what they had thought would be their marriage and the expectations, wasn't what they actually got. They felt they had been duped!

Cultural Misunderstandings or Deliberate Misrepresentation?

In fact when they really opened up to me and I understood from a cross-section of westerners what had happened it was this, Within Chinese culture there are just certain things that are a given, so no one ever thinks to tell you anyway.

One of these would be that within Chinese culture many women do marry simply for money, status and security. This is not considered mercenary in Chinese culture. It's simply considered practical.

So if you're a westerner, and one day find out your Chinese wife only married you for these reasons (this is a more common situation than you may think) you may be rightly shocked... but only rightly shocked in your mind, and not in hers.

Actually, Chinese girls will think the responsibility was on you to find this out before marriage, and not theirs. Don't think either, that Chinese culture is like many cultures of the world, that have an overall general understanding of other cultures of the world and possible differences.

Chinese Education - Part of the Problem?

Unlike the majority of western countries, the Chinese education system doesn't actually educate them in the history of the world, and give them an understanding of other countries and cultures. The Chinese education system, in fact, simply teaches them about Chinese history and Chinese culture!

Most of the mainland Chinese I have known, and it numbers in the thousands now, had very little except the most scant of knowledge about another countries culture or expectations of married life outside of China, and even then, much of what they knew was a gross over-simplification, or sometimes even totally wrong.

The Right Chinese Brides

In general, although it seems like common sense I can't emphasize it enough, you should thoroughly understand your Chinese brides expectation of marriage and should also explain your own expectations of her in the marriage too.

Never assumes she knows, as this can result in a rather unhappy divorce at a later stage.

Make sure you find out much more about actual Chinese culture, and I don't mean dumplings, kung-fu or Chinese festivals. Truly, the aspects of Chinese culture a westerner most needs to learn, are not the aspects that Chinese people are fond of talking about, and that's the problem.

All the undesirable aspects of marriage (for you) in Chinese culture, will not be mentioned, and may even be glossed over by your Chinese bride to be, until after that paper is signed. Don't let it happen is my sincere advice to you.

Sam C Reeves has lived in China for over eight years and dated a wide variety of Chinese women and also married one. To find out about marrying Chinese Brides and also 'seven must know facts' before dating or marrying a Chinese woman, go to http://ChineseDatingSecrets.com/ to learn more 'must-know-info'!

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The Value of Originality In Marriage

It's what you signed up for: to be the single-most valuable person in your partner's life, and to share a bond unique to all humankind. Marriage was designed to be a creation of only its own likeness - original to the specifications engineered by both partners, and God.

THE PROBLEM OF COMPARISON

Not many will perhaps argue with the specificity to be accorded marriage, but most of us have found ways to determine what marriage is and what it isn't.

Our families of origin, those families of our friends, marriages we were inspired by, and marriages we deplored, all influence - by significance and number, very greatly - our perceptions of what is mandatory, preferable, and even permissible, within our marriages.

There are, therefore, subtle yet powerful voices from the past speaking into a present and future which either welcomes such voices or is sickened by them.

The problem of comparison is that an image for marriage that works well in certain situations doesn't work for all in all situations - not even close. The comparative perception tends to screen out important snippets of information that preclude those images from working, because the voice of envy we listen to speaks more to an unmet need that can't be satisfied in marriage.

We expect too much from our partners if we look to them to meet all our needs.

DETERMINING AN ORIGINAL PLAN

There is a vast freedom that exists in marriage so far as two people becoming one is concerned.

That freedom extends past those voices of envy - the limited perceptions of the relationships we compare with - into the measureless unknown of our uncreated or now-to-be-created futures together. Only as two people, both individuals of equal importance, knowing what is important to them, individually, can a marriage take on the unique significance God has destined for it.

Determining an original plan - one that's changeable; pliable to change as each partner changes; and, malleable to the circumstances as they change - is a basic task of every married couple. And if they should accept such a task, freeing the other to determine, by themselves, what is important, both shall be blessed.

Each marriage, like a fingerprint or a sequence of DNA, has the right and privilege of being unique. It is distinctive in a class of commonality; known as unknown; recognised to only two people - and God. Freedom exists in the unique identification within each and every marriage under God.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/

Original article

When Do Couples Need a Marriage Therapist

If two individuals decide to get married after knowing each other for only a short period, the strength of the love they have for each other can lessen over time. When this occurs, some of a person's simple gestures of caring like regular phone calls, and open display of affection become issues more than appreciated show of caring. When the signs of problems start building in a relationship, the couple will notice a change with the feelings they had when they were in love compared to where their relationship is going. It is at this stage of the partnership that it is best to seek the help of a marriage therapist.

A marriage therapist is a licensed and trained mental health professional who focuses on understanding a couple's issues and relationship issues within their surroundings. From a relationship view, the counselor provides couples marriage separation advice and substitute solutions to resolve their problems. A marriage therapist offers life coaching, premarital education, couples therapy, counseling for marriage and relationship, and ways to enrich a marriage. Problems dealt with may include marital and relationship issues, cases of unfaithfulness, incompatibility, lack of communication and even domestic violence.

Many couples who have sought marriage therapy have resolved their marriage problems. A partners should feel confident that a marriage therapist can be trusted that their sessions will be kept confidential. Their counseling time aims to find out how the problem started and how to solve it. A therapist may suggest couples retreats for a couple to go through self analysis. In cases where one partner has a mental illness, the therapy may include teaching the other partner to learn how to deal with the illness.

The process of looking for a marriage therapist does not also have to be difficult. Oftentimes, when a couple decides to talk to a therapist, there is enough stress between the couple that there is no need to add more stress. Stress should not be added to an already tense situation between a couple needing therapy. The process of finding a therapist should be simple. Some people may misrepresent themselves that the couple must be careful in choosing a qualified professional for them. The spouses in search of a therapist should not be fooled by good speakers who may claim to have the right skills. Time should be spent to search and ask as many questions before deciding on a marriage therapist to hire.

For marriage therapy to be effective, it is important that the couple is open to going through therapy sessions. The earlier the couple faces their problems, the better are the chances of marriage therapy working. Willingness to learn and effort to resolve conflicts is important for counseling to work. It would be harder to solve problems if any of the partners do not want to go through therapy. If the couple takes their time to solve an issue it may be harder to find an answer. The role of a marriage therapist is more effective if the partners feel they are still in love and are open to improve their relationship.

Tina is a professional blogger and has written a lot about relationships. Visit her blog to learn how couples retreats can help you improve love and intimacy. You can also get marriage separation advice.

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How To Give Your Man Romantic Love Quotes

Doesn't it seem like the both the easiest and the hardest thing to do is keep our love strong? Let's face it, it is not that it is hard it is just hard to remember with everything else that is going on. The key to strong love is finding semi-automated things we can do each day. We find something simple, make it a habit, and then continue to make it fresh with new ideas. So let's talk about creative ways to give love quotes to your man. It is easy and when done correctly can rekindle some passion.

First Things First:
The first thing we should do is to pick out a handful of love quotes for him. They should be tailored to his tastes and sensibilities. Pick quotes from his favorite actors, musicians, or comedians. Pick quotes that are romantic, funny, or serious. You want them at the ready for any occasion.

Next you will want to identify different times you will most likely want to give them to him. Take stock of different opportunities you might have. Does he always take his lunch to work with him? That would be a perfect opportunity to slip a note in before he leaves for work.

Leap Into Action:
Another opportunity to leave him a little reminder of your love is putting a note in his wallet. The next time he goes to get gas or pay for groceries, he will be reminded of your love. Keep in mind he will be in public. So make sure that if someone reads it, it will not be outside his comfort zone. Some guys are okay with others seeing intimate comments, others are not. The goal is not to embarrass him but to remind him of your love.

One idea that is gaining more and more attention is texting him. This is a fast and easy way of letting him know you care throughout the day. And if you time it right, he will definitely get the message. But the trick is to time it during a not so busy time of day for him. If he has a meeting he is about to walk into, five emails to respond to, and then he gets your text; he will not have much time to appreciate it. So plan for a time close to his lunch or another lull time that you could send your love reminder. This way he can take a moment to enjoy it and respond back.

Once we are able to identify three or four creative ways to slip him a note to enjoy at a later time, the only thing to do is to find those opportunities and implement them. I would have the notes already prepared with the love quotes for him on them. You can personalize it with an additional thought from you. But make sure they are ready in advance. With our lives as busy as they are, you want something that you can do quickly when you are thinking about it.

Once you have the notes written out, all that there is left to do is slip them in at the appropriate time. Remember as you give them, this is primarily about his experience. So take time to consider if he will be able to enjoy them. If he is, he will have more time to consider your thoughtfulness and think of ways to pay you back. And let's face it; the whole goal of this is to be able to create opportunities for the acts of love and thoughtfulness to flow between the two of you.

Keith is passionate about marriage and making a love that will last a lifetime. Love quotes can inspire to love more deeply, to forgive more readily, and speak the words that our in our hearts. Click here for a love quote, or click here for love quotes for him.

Original article

Alcohol Ruining Your Marriage?

Has alcohol been introduced into your marriage, and now is over staying its time? Then it is time to get rid of alcohol abuse in your marriage once and for all! And don't worry, you don't have to do this alone.

Alcohol is found all around the world, and is used for many, many things. Some good, and some bad. Sometimes people will resort to alcohol to numb a pain, forget a memory, and to just make it through the day. That is when it starts to cause a problem in marriages.

The first step to getting rid of alcohol in your marriage to recognize it is an addiction and is causing a problem. It will be much easier for you to see this than your spouse who has the addiction. So try not to get frustrated if they do not see they have a problem right away. Once they do, the healing begins. Because they of course do not want to cause you any pain, and they will finally realize that is what they were doing. Once they have the urge to stop drinking, and make a change, they will start to develop the will power that is necessary to say goodbye to alcohol in your marriage. To be able to stop drinking, your spouse will need to figure out what caused the drinking in the first place. Usually there will be a couple events that will lead to drinking, but there will always be the first cause, a memory, feeling, event etc. Whatever it may be, they need to figure it out. If they don't, the chance of them drinking again is a quite a bit higher than if they were to figure out the cause.

Once your spouse figures out the cause of the drinking, they can work to remove that problem. They may need your assistance, they may need to seek a counsellor. But once they find the solution to that problem, the drinking will eventually come to an end, the time frame depends on each individual person. One thing to keep in mind is if they were drinking extremely heavily, be very careful for signs of withdrawal. It can lead to serious medical problems, if not worse. This usually only happens with some tries to quit cold turkey.

Use this advice to make sure alcohol is no longer a problem in your marriage, and you both can start a brand new life with each other!

Good luck!

For more information and resources to learn how to save a marriage please visit my website. While taking the proper steps, and avoiding common mistakes, you will have a good chance of succeeding in saving your marriage. With articles, book reviews, resources, learn the right way to say goodbye to alcohol in your marriage!

Original article

Some Unique Ideas For Wedding Photos

If you're getting married soon then you have probably wondered who you are going to hire to take your pictures, and how those pictures are going to turn out. There are a lot of new ideas emerging with wedding photography these days and it's exciting to see some of the things you can do.

Let me share a few ideas with you that might seem a little strange a first, but could be a great way to capture this special day in a way that you will never forget.

One idea is to have you wedding photographer take some photos of you, as you are getting married, from above. Of course it would be cool to take some real aerial photos of the ceremony, if it's outside, but you can also do this indoors. Even from five or ten feet above you, using a camera crane, the photographer would be able to get some really great shots that will help you remember your ceremony in a special way.

Another idea is to take some panoramic shots at the wedding location. It might be better to take some of these shots outdoors, perhaps before or after the ceremony. Most cameras these days have a feature where panoramic shots are really simple to put together nicely. This could really make a great picture to hang on your wall to remember your wedding.

I've also been thinking a lot about photo shop. I know photo shop is for touching things up, when it comes to wedding photography, but why can't you be a little different and add something humorous or unbelievable to one of your pictures? I think it would be really funny to throw in something really off-beat in the background of one of the shots, just for fun.

Lastly, and I've heard of this one being done, some brides are choosing to do a special photo session after the wedding that is a little unique. They'll go to some muddy location, or even a lake or something, and just completely trash their wedding dress in front of the camera. This is another fun way to be unique and make your wedding a memorable experience.

The main thing to remember is that this is your wedding and you can have fun with it. It's a very special occasion, but that doesn't mean you can't be a little different and capture some moments in ways that will put a smile on your face twenty years later.

This article was written by Mike H. on behalf of Lynn Brown Photography, a team of experienced Altana wedding photographers. To learn more, please visit LynnBrownPhotography.com.

Original article

Marriage and Joint Bank Accounts

Couples entering into a marriage have at least two bank accounts, but as they unite to become one, does it mean your bank accounts should too? There is always some discussion over the dilemma of whether to join the accounts or to keep each account separate.

When you were single you were use to having your own money and perhaps spending it as you like. Once you become married your finances change and now you are looking at buying a new car, house and furnishings. This will obviously affect the way to spend as you need to concentrate on these other fees that were never once a thought.

First and most importantly you must decide together on a joint bank account to place the wedding gifts in. Many couple discuss this before the wedding reception. If the cheques are made out to Mr & Mrs, it will be easier to cash or deposit if you have a joint account.

Some couple choose to have one shared account to cover all house expenses and bills which is usually (and wisely) monitored and kept track by the female in the family. Look at your finances together and decide how much is required to be put away in this account to cover items like, car payments, mortgage, groceries and perhaps a vacation. Now, everything you put in should just not cover everything you take out. Don't forget about putting a little aside for savings too. You never know when a surprise may come your way and you need to reach for a few extra dollars in your piggy bank!

Two additional separate accounts can be opened that are called "fun" money accounts. Everyone needs some financial independence, right? These accounts may be for the husband who wants to purchase sporting tickets and the wife who dips in for a new pair of designer shoes. You need to put a certain percentage of both paychecks into this account every two weeks and of course do it evenly.

Many times in a relationship, there is always one that is a spender and one that is a saver. Sometimes that is a good thing as the saver will do their best to control how much money you are going through. If you are both free with your money than you really need to change the ways you do things. You may have fun for a while but eventually it will catch up with you as you notice you are getting by week to week. If you are both tight with your money then I guess that's not a bad thing either, but don't give up something important because you are too cheap to buy it. It's all a balancing act and each couples needs and wishes are different from others.

One cannot live on love alone so you want to make sure you do your best to keep your finances in order. The number one reason for fighting in a relationship is money.Do your best to make the financial aspect work out. Communicate with each other and learn that sometimes you need to give a little here and there. In the end, you are building your future together and need to look down the road and not always on the present.

Original article

I've Been Served With Divorce Papers? What Are The Chances My Husband Will Change His Mind?

I often hear from panicked wives who are in one of two situations. Either their husband has informed them that he has filed divorce papers. Or, the wife knows that he has filed them because she has been served with a copy. Most of the wives who contact me do not want a divorce. They are hoping with everything that they have that their husband will somehow change his mind. Many ask for my help in ensuring that this is going to happen. And many want to know their chances or odds for success.

I heard from a wife who said "three weeks ago, my husband admitted that he had seen an attorney and was going to file for a divorce. I begged him not to do that. I told him we could go to counseling or recommit to our marriage. And things seemed to improve a little between us. That's why I was so shocked to be visited by a process server at my job who handed me divorce papers. I immediately called my husband and begged him to change his mind. He admitted that he still loved me but he insisted that he just doesn't think our marriage will make it. I know if he would hear me out and give me a chance, we could make things work. How many men change their mind after filing for serving divorce papers? Is this a lost cause?"

The Lack Of Statistics Available For This Situation: I certainly don't think that it's always a lost cause. In preparation for this article, I tried to see if I could find any statistics that might help me to answer this question. I didn't find anything that gave me any specific numbers. I believe the reason for this is probably that legal professionals likely only keep track of divorces that actually go through, not those that don't. And, even if there were a way to track divorces that don't end up being final, it's probably not always clear which spouse changed their mind.

I could (and did) tell this wife what I see from correspondence that I get. But this is by no means scientific and might not even be that accurate since most people who contact me very much want to save their marriage. It's fair to say that those I hear from are very motivated to avoid a divorce.

But, it's not at all rare for me to hear back from happy wives who report that their husband did indeed change his mind, or at least agreed to mediation or a delay before making things final. So, it most certainly is not impossible. However, being fair and balanced, some wives are unable to change their husband's mind, which has seemingly long been made up. I have had a couple of people report getting back together and remarried after a final divorce so this is not out of the question either. Sometimes when I tell wives this, they ask me what they can do to increase the chances that their husband will change his mind about the divorce. I have a definite opinion on this, which I will share with you now.

Things That Might Increases The Chances That Your Husband Will Change His Mind About The Divorce (Even After Filing): Before I get in to those things that I see helping with this situation, I want to caution about the things that I most universally see hurt it. When you are looking in the eyes of a divorce and the thing that you fear most is on the horizon, it's very easy to feel desperate and to act on those feelings. Because you feel like you will do anything to keep the divorce from being final. So if you have to resort to small threats or just stopping short of begging, or even attempting to make him feel guilty or ashamed, then so be it. Heck, many wives have no problems playing the kid card in this situation because desperate times call for desperate measures. I understand these temptations because I experienced them myself. But they didn't make my situation better. They made it worse.

No one likes being threatened, manipulated or forced into feeling negative emotions. As a result, he will often pull away from you even more or feel more negatively about you when you try these things. I know that this is not what you want to hear. But it is true. Sometimes women that tell me that they did wear their husbands down using these methods. But guess what? The victory doesn't last. Because he's not really there because he wants to be. He is there because he gave in. And one day he will realize that and want to leave or divorce again and it will just be that much harder for the wife to pull a rabbit out of the hat all over again.

Now that we've covered avoiding negativity, where does that leave you? Doing just the opposite. Focusing on the positive. Conducing yourself with grace and respect. I know that this might seem crazy to you. But you want for him to look at you and think that maybe he was wrong, or hasty, or both. He's not going to do that if you are acting mean, nasty, desperate, or irrational. Make it very hard for him to dislike you or to feel defensive around you right now. In some states, there is court mandated mediation or counseling. Use it. Make sure that every time you interact with him, you are pleasant and easy to be around. Because if you are, that will give you the best chance of him looking at you and wondering if just maybe he made a mistake.

Does this strategy work every time? I'm afraid not. But it works enough of the time that it is most certainly worth a try. Not only does it give you the best chance of getting him to change his mind, but if the divorce should go through you have put yourself in the best position to get back together or afterward or at least maintain a healthy relationship until he comes to his senses.

How do I know this? Because I was in this exact situation. My husband was one of those that changed his mind about the divorce. But not until things came down to the wire and not until I made many mistakes that almost costs me my marriage. If it helps, you can read that very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Original article