When marrying Chinese Brides, one of the things that really confused me was the amount of unspoken expectations that gradually became apparent leading up to, and after the wedding day, from my bride and her family. I wondered if I had deliberately been kept in the dark about all of these things.
Although I had met a few westerners who were married to Chinese girls, they didn't seem to be very forthcoming either! I soon realized that one of the reasons was embarrassment. Why embarrassment? The reason was simple, as I later found out:
Many felt what they had thought would be their marriage and the expectations, wasn't what they actually got. They felt they had been duped!
Cultural Misunderstandings or Deliberate Misrepresentation?
In fact when they really opened up to me and I understood from a cross-section of westerners what had happened it was this, Within Chinese culture there are just certain things that are a given, so no one ever thinks to tell you anyway.
One of these would be that within Chinese culture many women do marry simply for money, status and security. This is not considered mercenary in Chinese culture. It's simply considered practical.
So if you're a westerner, and one day find out your Chinese wife only married you for these reasons (this is a more common situation than you may think) you may be rightly shocked... but only rightly shocked in your mind, and not in hers.
Actually, Chinese girls will think the responsibility was on you to find this out before marriage, and not theirs. Don't think either, that Chinese culture is like many cultures of the world, that have an overall general understanding of other cultures of the world and possible differences.
Chinese Education - Part of the Problem?
Unlike the majority of western countries, the Chinese education system doesn't actually educate them in the history of the world, and give them an understanding of other countries and cultures. The Chinese education system, in fact, simply teaches them about Chinese history and Chinese culture!
Most of the mainland Chinese I have known, and it numbers in the thousands now, had very little except the most scant of knowledge about another countries culture or expectations of married life outside of China, and even then, much of what they knew was a gross over-simplification, or sometimes even totally wrong.
The Right Chinese Brides
In general, although it seems like common sense I can't emphasize it enough, you should thoroughly understand your Chinese brides expectation of marriage and should also explain your own expectations of her in the marriage too.
Never assumes she knows, as this can result in a rather unhappy divorce at a later stage.
Make sure you find out much more about actual Chinese culture, and I don't mean dumplings, kung-fu or Chinese festivals. Truly, the aspects of Chinese culture a westerner most needs to learn, are not the aspects that Chinese people are fond of talking about, and that's the problem.
All the undesirable aspects of marriage (for you) in Chinese culture, will not be mentioned, and may even be glossed over by your Chinese bride to be, until after that paper is signed. Don't let it happen is my sincere advice to you.
Sam C Reeves has lived in China for over eight years and dated a wide variety of Chinese women and also married one. To find out about marrying Chinese Brides and also 'seven must know facts' before dating or marrying a Chinese woman, go to http://ChineseDatingSecrets.com/ to learn more 'must-know-info'!
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