Marrying the Navy

I'll be the first to admit, I am not your typical new Navy wife. I didn't grow up in a military town, I don't foresee myself adding miniature camo dressed replicas of my family to the back of my car, and the acronyms still confuse me. Don't get me wrong, I love my sailor and I am very proud of him. I just never would imagine that I would refer to myself as a military wife (or say the phrase I love my sailor for that matter...).

This crazy world that has become my life over the past three years still has its way of surprising me. I know that they say we cannot help who we fall in love with, but do not enter this life lightly. Be prepared to be hit with some baggage, and I am not talking about a Marc Jacobs sling. This baggage is a 560 ft, steel, SUBMARINE shadowing your life for the extent of his enlistment. Do not be fooled your husband or husband to be is not the only one on this sub. Sure he is the one stuck on it for three months but you are just as much a part of the boat as he. There will be lonely nights, moments of anger, and lots of separation. My suggestion, get a dog.

This life is not for the weak. Sure we all have our moments of weakness and breakdown. But we get through it each time we have to say goodbye before the sunrises telling ourselves they will be safe. We master putting on a happy face before we head into work so no one will see our pain. Be prepared to plan around duty days, last minute underways, and any other possible interruptions the command can come up with. This will never be easy, but building a strong network of people you love and trust can be priceless during these times.

Don't worry along with all of this madness does come some happy times. The free medical, tax free booze, and having rent paid for don't hurt either. I plan to take you through this new chapter of my life as a navy wife. I'll touch on some advice for planning your wedding, tips for cheap travel, and try to walk you through some of the confusing military protocol (as I figure it out).

I couldn't be more excited about embarking on this journey and hope you will follow my progress and I would love to hear your stories as well.

Learn more about becoming a new Navy wife and all of my tips and tricks for planning the perfect wedding, finding affordable honeymoon ideas, and maximizing military benefits at http://www.newnavywife.com/

Original article

Marrying Chinese Brides - Difficulties Faced

When marrying Chinese Brides, one of the things that really confused me was the amount of unspoken expectations that gradually became apparent leading up to, and after the wedding day, from my bride and her family. I wondered if I had deliberately been kept in the dark about all of these things.

Although I had met a few westerners who were married to Chinese girls, they didn't seem to be very forthcoming either! I soon realized that one of the reasons was embarrassment. Why embarrassment? The reason was simple, as I later found out:

Many felt what they had thought would be their marriage and the expectations, wasn't what they actually got. They felt they had been duped!

Cultural Misunderstandings or Deliberate Misrepresentation?

In fact when they really opened up to me and I understood from a cross-section of westerners what had happened it was this, Within Chinese culture there are just certain things that are a given, so no one ever thinks to tell you anyway.

One of these would be that within Chinese culture many women do marry simply for money, status and security. This is not considered mercenary in Chinese culture. It's simply considered practical.

So if you're a westerner, and one day find out your Chinese wife only married you for these reasons (this is a more common situation than you may think) you may be rightly shocked... but only rightly shocked in your mind, and not in hers.

Actually, Chinese girls will think the responsibility was on you to find this out before marriage, and not theirs. Don't think either, that Chinese culture is like many cultures of the world, that have an overall general understanding of other cultures of the world and possible differences.

Chinese Education - Part of the Problem?

Unlike the majority of western countries, the Chinese education system doesn't actually educate them in the history of the world, and give them an understanding of other countries and cultures. The Chinese education system, in fact, simply teaches them about Chinese history and Chinese culture!

Most of the mainland Chinese I have known, and it numbers in the thousands now, had very little except the most scant of knowledge about another countries culture or expectations of married life outside of China, and even then, much of what they knew was a gross over-simplification, or sometimes even totally wrong.

The Right Chinese Brides

In general, although it seems like common sense I can't emphasize it enough, you should thoroughly understand your Chinese brides expectation of marriage and should also explain your own expectations of her in the marriage too.

Never assumes she knows, as this can result in a rather unhappy divorce at a later stage.

Make sure you find out much more about actual Chinese culture, and I don't mean dumplings, kung-fu or Chinese festivals. Truly, the aspects of Chinese culture a westerner most needs to learn, are not the aspects that Chinese people are fond of talking about, and that's the problem.

All the undesirable aspects of marriage (for you) in Chinese culture, will not be mentioned, and may even be glossed over by your Chinese bride to be, until after that paper is signed. Don't let it happen is my sincere advice to you.

Sam C Reeves has lived in China for over eight years and dated a wide variety of Chinese women and also married one. To find out about marrying Chinese Brides and also 'seven must know facts' before dating or marrying a Chinese woman, go to http://ChineseDatingSecrets.com/ to learn more 'must-know-info'!

Original article

What's The Good Of Marrying?

This week I received an email with a number of questions relating to the good of getting married. Here are my answers as they were asked in the email.

What are the procedures involved in getting married?

I guess the starting point to getting married is to get the permission of the intended first. If that person agrees then there may be a need to get parents permission.

While in most cultures this request is generally initiated by the man there are times when it might be initiated by the woman. One of these times might be the 29 February. This is the one day that only comes up every four years as, by the Gregorian Calendar, it is a leap year. And guess what that happens next in 2012. So girls go for it.

Then once your proposal has been accepted then the opportunities are endless depending on whether you would be married by a minister of your church or by a celebrant.

One thing I always encourage couples who are preparing to marry is to do a marriage preparation course whether this is one conducted by a minister or a counsellor in the community. There is simply no better way to insure your marriage for long term success.

Is it necessary to get married?

Well this is an interesting question and really is at the discretion of those who might be contemplating marriage to decide.

In some countries and cultures there could be a requirement that before two people can live together they must be married. In other cultures, such as our western culture, marriage is optional before living together.

The research indicates however that people who actually get married may have a stronger commitment to their partner to make the relationship succeed. In the same way those who choose to live together may be more ready to leave if the relationship begins to falter.

Is there any merit in marriage? If yes, what are they?

As I said above the merit in marriage is that it is a commitment made to another person in front of witnesses which, by it's very nature, has the psychological impact of being more compelling to work at this relationship through the good times and in bad, through sickness and in health.

The decision to marry requires the couple to really think about where they want their relationship to go. This also hopefully gets them thinking and questioning beyond today, and what they want right now, to considering the future even to the point of 'til death do them part.

But maybe the greatest value in marriage is that it allows couples to feel secure knowing that their partner willingly takes a vow to commit fully to them. And hopefully this also means that before just walking out when things get tough they firstly make every effort to find a way through the difficulty that is presenting itself.

Is it necessary to have children? If yes, for what reasons.

The simple answer? No it's not necessary to have children. Some believe however that to have children is the reason for marrying and the ultimate reason for being.

My belief is that to have children, or not, is a decision for each couple to make as is appropriate to their own circumstances. Of course there are those couples who for a variety of reasons are unable to, or choose not to, have children. Their relationship is based on connections other than children which is also entirely appropriate.

What are the differences between a wedding and customary marriage.

This is a huge question and worthy of a book in itself. Every cultural group on the planet has its own way of celebrating the joining of two people in marriage through some kind of wedding ceremony.

And each of these ways will have its own customs and traditions. The wedding celebration simply defines the date of commencement of a marriage; one that hopefully will last a lifetime and will provide the couple with ongoing joy and happiness.

So until next time - Relate with Love

Lidy Seysener

About the Author

As a qualified Counselor, Lidy Seysener specializes in helping individuals and couples make the most of their lives and their relationships. She's been Counseling for more than twenty years and can also boast having been in an enduring relationship for as long.

For more information about me or what I do take a look at my newest website: http://www.acouplesjourney.com/ where you will find lots more information including quizzes and questionnaires. enter your details and you will get a free copy of my limited edition ebook titled 'Relationships - A Couples Journey'.

© 2010 Lidy Seysener - all rights reserved

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