Research on passion and love indicates that those feelings of "romantic love" change after the first few years of marriage. It's likely that early on in the relationship, the mere thought of your partner may have brought you feelings of joy. However, after a few years of being together, it's less likely that your heart skips a beat when your spouse walks in the room. Many people spend a lot of energy trying to rekindle the passion and there are various strategies suggested by researchers that can help you rekindle the romance.
Many research studies show that a couple's marital satisfaction declines over time. The first ten years tend to show the sharpest decline in happiness. After that, there seems to be a slower progression. It is a disturbing trend to show marital satisfaction rates declining over time and divorce rates on the rise. So how can couples ward off this trend of declining marital satisfaction?
Social psychologist, Arthur Aron, has conducted research on passion and rekindling romance. He has published several studies and written several books, including the "Handbook of Closeness and Emotional Intimacy." In his research, he discovered that one key to rekindling romance was for a couple to try a new activity together. He concluded that just trying a new activity for about seven minutes can greatly increase a person's marital satisfaction.
Trying new things together seems to spark some excitement. Although spending quality time together is important, research indicates that trying new things together has the greatest impact on improving the marriage.
This excitement can make the relationship more fun and adventurous and it helps rekindle those feelings of passion. Couples who are newly dating don't seem to gain this same spark from doing new activities together. This is most likely because they are already excited by the newness in the relationship. However, as the excitement about the relationship starts to dwindle, it looks like there's a lot the couple can do to reignite the spark.
Take a look at what new activities you and your partner can try together. You don't have to find elaborate activities. Small changes can help break up monotony. Take an art class together. Start a small business venture together. Travel to new destinations. Try a new sport or activity. Volunteer together.
Each couple can decide what constitutes excitement for them. Anything that is challenging and unusual for you can be a healthy change. For some couples, this may mean hiking together. For other couples, planning a vacation might create some excitement. It all depends on your current lifestyle and the types of changes you can make to create some opportunities for growth.
Look around your community for opportunities of new things to try. Adult education classes can be a good place to start. Use the internet or newspaper to find new adventures as well. Be open minded to trying new things. Talk to friends, family, and neighbors to gain ideas about activities and opportunities.
Another important strategy to help increase marital satisfaction is to take care of mental health needs. Underlying mental health problems are good predictors of marital dissatisfaction. When one partner has depression or anxiety, marital satisfaction rates seem to decline for both partners. If you or your partner has any unmet mental health needs, don't ignore your symptoms. Your marriage is not likely to improve unless you seek treatment. Treatment may include medication, therapy, or a combination of both.
Taking care of yourself, mentally and physically, will increase your chances of having a long-lasting passionate marriage. However, participating in fun and new activities may have the biggest impact. Surprise your spouse with some spontaneity and you might find that your marriage receives an extra boost in the romance department.
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