I received a question the other day where a young wife asked me if she had to submit to her husband and she also asked "What do you do when both of you have strong personalities?" Good questions. First of all roles must be clearly defined. When roles are clearly defined it doesn't matter who has a strong personality or not. If you have two people that want their relationship to work each person is responsible for how they treat the other one.
In my case, I am very strong. I have to watch my tone, posture, etc. because as the wife in the relationship certain roles and behavioral expectations are clearly defined in the Bible.
One of the roles thrown around for thousands of years is that of being a submissive wife. Oh my God, how I struggled with that in the early years of our marriage. I just didn't feel my husband should tell me what to do. So we struggled. In the early years neither of us had a clear understanding of what true submission really meant. With two strong personalities and an unsubmissive wife, you have a recipe for disaster!
I remember hearing a message by Dr. Tony Evans in Dallas, Texas where he defined submission. I am sure his explanation was very eloquent and biblically sounding but what I remember most is the word "duck". He said submission means to duck. To get out of the way and let God get 'em. In other words, if your husband doesn't treat you right, just duck and God will get him. LOL! That simple explanation kept me sane for years.
As I began to mature and to seek a greater revelation and closer walk with both God and my husband, I learned that it simply means: To get with the mission. To get on one accord. To be like-minded if you will. In fact, although there is a lot of attention paid to the "wives submit" portion of the scripture, there is a scripture right above it Ephesians 5:21 that instructs both partners to mutually submit, so that means we BOTH have to get with the program. Ah,yes we serve a just God. :)
Both my husband and I work on mutual submission which means we both must strive to be one and to agree. I do understand however, that if a final decision has to made that the responsibility rests upon my husband which means I must on purpose submit and thank God most of the time I do. I haven't conquered this area totally but I am a whole lot better.
When I think about, I believe I struggled in this area because I have seen so many men abuse this privilege of having a submitted woman. I often saw it as unfair and weak. Now I understand that submission is really a privilege. It allows us to rest in the promises of God and to trust that He will take care of what concerns us as a wife. (and/or husband) In the case of mutual submission.
So do you have to submit? I say yes if you want peace in your home and yes if you want God to be pleased. Just understand what it really means to submit and take one day at a time. You may mess up sometimes, I do. (It's called human). But keep working on it. When you are determined to do right it seems that somehow, someway things always work out just fine.
Tracie Davis is the author of "Make It Last Forever- How to Get Married & Stay Married" where she offers practical advice to keep your marriage strong and thriving. She deals with all types of issues that newly weds and seasoned couples deal with everyday. Go to http://www.makeitlast4ever.info/ for more information and to get a copy of this incredible book and discover how you can make your marriage last forever.
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