During the years I've been working with couples to help them resolve their marriage problems it is determined many of their issues come from a difference in values. We are all a product of our parents, or the person(s) that raised us. Our parents were instilled values in their lives; they instill values in us, just as we instill values in our children's life.
Some Examples:
1. A. Wife was taught she could be anything she wanted to be as long as she put her mind to it. She'll want to teach her children the same thing. She'll encourage and praise her children to success and to happiness.
B. Husband was taught he was a failure and always would be. He will do the same to his children. He'll complain about everything they do wrong and will never see the good in his child.
2. A. Wife was raised by a mother that stole. Wife also steals and teaches her children that stealing is the way of life.
B. Husband was raised by his parents not to steal and if he did steal he would be punished. Husband teaches his children it is not okay to steal and if they do they will also be punished.
3. A. Husband was raised by parents who were physically and verbally abusive to each other, husband is physically and verbally abusive, and he teaches (by children watching) his children that abuse is okay.
B. Wife was raised by parents who were affectionate to each other, wife is affectionate to her husband, and teaches her children to show love and be affectionate to their spouse.
I could go on and on with this list, but almost every problem we have in our marriage evolves from a difference in the values we were raised by.
Okay, so now what do we do about it?
1. Show love.
2. Show love, then decide which is the healthiest and most productive way and compromise. If you have children, ask yourself which will give the best results to your children.
3. Show love, compromise, and encourage each other to be the best you can be.
One more thing:
I hope there isn't much to compromise on between husband and wife when it comes down to deciding which is the best life for everyone involved. This should be easy as you consider what is best for the children and what gives everyone a happy and healthy home environment.
I work with married couples on the verge of a breakup to resolve their relationship issues once and for all so that they can revive the love, passion, respect, and fun that's been missing from their marriage.
Rhonda Neely, author, and creator of Your Christian Marriage Restoration Station has a proven track record and knows the key elements of a committed and vivacious marriage. Her expertise is not only supporting couples to commit to their marriage, but discover how to have a vivacious marriage as well!
Rhonda is a Certified Christian Life Coach specializing in Marriage and Family Coaching. Rhonda received her certification through PCCCA (Professional Christian Coaching and Counseling Academy) and continued her coaching education and certification through a Coaching4Clergy.
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